Absolutely worn out, two bed wetters - please help!!

[pandarific]

Hi all, looking for some wisdom please because I’m absolutely shattered.

I’ve a 4-year-old and a 7-year-old, both neurodivergent, and we’re really struggling with night-time wetting. It’s inconsistent, which is what’s confusing us — they can be dry when staying with Nana or when we’re away, but at home they regularly wet the bed. Sometimes both of them, sometimes on and off, no obvious pattern.

We already do the usual: wee before bed, and my husband lifts them for a wee around 10:30pm, but they still often pee afterwards. I’m drowning in washing and just so tired.

I’m looking for anything that helped others:
• things that actually reduced night-time wetting
• alarms / products that worked (or didn’t)
• mattress protectors / bedding hacks to reduce laundry
• anything ND-specific that made a difference
• reassurance if this is just one of those phases

No shaming please — we’re not angry at them at all, just exhausted and trying to problem-solve. If something worked for your child, I’d love to hear it. Even small wins would help right now.

Thank you

How much fluid are they drinking in the day? The advice I was given was to increase volumes of drinks so that the bladder is stretched. It then becomes large enough to hold the urine for more hours.

The other thing I was told was to not give DS blackcurrant squash as its mildly diuretic.

Hi OP, Autism Class teacher and mother to autistic child here - it is not unusual for children to need pull-ups or night time pants until age 7 and often times beyond this if they are developmentally delayed. I would take the pressure off yourself and give them some more time in pull-ups until that crucial hormone kicks in, particularly your 4-year-old.

Have you tried the Huggies DryNights for ages 8-13 for your older DC? If he’s very tall this might suit him better.

What time are they having their last meal/ drink before bed? Could you push this a little bit earlier?

I know how exhausting this can be, so sending hugs x

I like these washable pads. They are 100% waterproof, last forever, you can tumble dry them and they’re not plasticy. I put them on top of a waterproof fitted protector under the fitted sheet, and it meant I could wash pad and sheet without washing the plastic- backed fitted protector that was an arse to dry.

I also used waterproof duvet protectors so I didn’t have to wash the duvet every time. Mine were sort of papery, so I put a cotton duvet cover on over the top, but at least the actual duvet didn’t get wet and need washing.

It is so relentless washing bedding every day. Not to mention knackering changing the sheets every day.

We tried the tablets a GP can prescribe, but didn’t notice a difference in frequency with them. It seemed totally random whether she would wet the bed or not, though definite more nights than not.

It all stopped at around 13 years for us. Not because of anything we did, just because that’s when it stopped.

My DD is autistic and wasn't dry at night until the end of primary. She just couldn't feel that she needed to go to the toilet until it was too late. We had protective mattresses and kept her in pull ups at night. We tried an alarm attached to the nappy, but she had issues with sensory nature of it, so we had to lose it. We did wees before bed and dream wees. She is a teen now and is dry at night. We still do have some last minute runs to the loo as she still struggles, but I'd say that accidents are few and far between these days. I can't say that any one thing worked to be honest. I feel he finally being dry was to do with her body maturing more than anything we did.

I hope you don’t mind me chipping in with my experience….though it’s my elderly dad we had the issue with bless him…. Night time pull ups as PP have said……we then put down some towels then some puppy pads from amazon ( these were so much better in absorbency than any for kids and much cheaper… then some more towels….it was trial and error but in the end this combination worked for us…..yes I would have couple of big towels to wash every day and the puppy pads had to be thrown as they were soaked but they mopped up a lot of wee…nd the towels underneath were dry…..really hope this helps you .. sending support across the internet to you xx

People just didn't discuss it back then. 7yr olds didn't go for sleepovers so how would you have known?

I'm not sure that's quite true. We just didn't call them "sleepovers" until American telly came over here. My kids were always wanting (and going) to sleep at their grandparents with various cousins. And then at the end of primary the camping out in the garden or dining room started with 5 friends stopping over...

With my kids, we used pull ups until they were dry for a week. If there was a regression where there was more than one bed wetting incident in a week, we'd go back to pull ups until they were dry for a week again.

Oh also, just a thought on pulls ups for your eldest. Different brands seem to fit children differently. Pampers size 8 works well for my tall skinny 8year old but huggies work better for other children. Obviously the cost in trying out different brands can be high so I thought id suggest reaching out to your local SEN group and asking other SEN mums if they have a couple of pull ups spare so you can try different brands without having to spend quite a bit of money. Ive helped SEN mums, well any parent I would help, with pull ups for this reason.

I think it is true. It wasn't talked about and children who weren't dry just didn't go.

When I was 8 I had a sleepover with a friend who, it turned out, still wore nappies at night. It was her first ever sleepover - me and my mum were the first people who'd been trusted with this secret. Ofc that's just an anecdote, not evidence, but everything I've read and learned on this subject tells me it has been, and still is, much more common and "normal" than people think.

OP apologies this has probably been mentioned by PPs but incontinence clinic generally advised against lifting, because in some children it works as encouragement/practice at weeing when half asleep. It tells their body/brain this is an OK thing to do, inadvertently encouraging exactly what you are trying to prevent. It works for some, but is counterproductive for many more.

I’m sure everyone else has said the same, but you need to use pull ups.
if they are not producing the hormone required to be consistently dry (ie it wakes them to wee) then they will wet the bed. Up to age of 7 for this to kick in is normal, being ND may affect this, I don’t know.

I would seek medical advice for the older child and see what they say. But make your life easier with pull ups for the time being, no shame at all if they need it

absolutely no judgement here, and ignore anyone who does so

Totally normal at their ages. They are still young. Put them in nappies til they’re ready.

Hi op, my son is just 5 and we're about 6 months into this journey. We get some good runs being completely dry and then wetting happens again. The main thing here is that he doesn't drink enough during the day. When he drinks well in the day he is dry for a whole night, or able to get up for his wee on the potty. But with school he doesn't drink enough, barely any and it can set us back again because his bladder shrinks and can't hold as much wee and makes wet beds more likely. He may be neurodivergent, it is in the family, and I read that neurodivergent children can find it harder to identify that they are thirsty.

Trying to get a really big drink in him in the morning before he goes to school seems to help, as well as trying to get him to drink as much as possible before 6 on the days he comes straight home. Also making sure he's done a poo before bed, he started holding those and not doing them at school. Avoiding fruit juices, squash, date bars (naked bars), berries, in late afternoon and evening also helps. Stopping drinking 2 hours before falling asleep rather than one as eric suggest and the double voiding thing also help. You maybe already do these things as you're further down the road than us.

Also I've subscribed to Alice Eaton's mailing list. She's written a book about bed wetting but I've got round to buying yet. But she recently sent a tip about toothpaste. Apparently there is an ingredient in that that if swallowed can irritate the bladder for some people and cause wetting.

Also to add that I'm not sure being neurodivergent actually has any relevance to bed wetting. My family member who is diagnosed with asperges (I know it's not called that now but it was when she was diagnosed) was dry day and night from around 18 months old.

@LGBirmingham have you asked his teacher to help with the drinking? It is super common, I think there were 4 in my child's class on "extra drinking". My child's teacher suggested we put marks on their bottle and they were meant to drink to 1 mark at break and to the other at lunch.

If they wet the duvet as well you can get waterproof covers that the duvet itself goes in and the ordinary cover goes over the waterproof one. I believe they are sold on Amazon.

I would use use dry nights pull ups for awhile, at least until you get a break from the changing sheets yourself. A less stressed, more in control mum could help with the bed wetting too. Hopefully it's just a phase, not many adults are bedwetters, or sober adults anyway!!

I have wondered whether to do that. I wasn't sure if it would be good to make him stand out from everyone else. Although lots of the parents also say their children aren't drinking at school so maybe it would benefit everyone?

You can get them in Dunelm too. They're kind of nylon-y but it doesn't matter because you put the normal duvet over the top.

no drinks after 6pm

I was advised this by a nurse as 6pm is the magic hour

it worked

others have told me it is rubbish

it worked for my dd

tesco sell plain pull ups that we used when DS7 was going through a spell of wet nights. Didn’t leak at all, and he wees a huge amount!!
https://www.tesco.com/groceries/en-GB/products/316307114

My DS was finally dry at 7. Until then he wore pull ups in bed. Lifting them to take them to the toilet doesn’t work, in my experience.

Could you try cotton underpants under his pull ups to protect his skin, but still have him in the pull up? Also maybe a barrier cream (like Sudocrem) before he goes to bed. And then have a wet pad under him to cut down on the bed being flooded?

Hope you find something that works OP

It doesn't need to be the whole class. There are children being taken out for little interventions or tasks all day. 3 specific kids being reminded to drink their water at the start of break can just be part of the general rhythm of the day. Worth asking once, politely and without presumption, anyway. You might find (as I did) that there was already a group being reminded and DC name was just added to the list.

They are still quite young, not sure why you’re not using pull ups?

Yep I’ve never had to change a wet bed - pull ups all the way.