Absolutely worn out, two bed wetters - please help!!

[pandarific]

Hi all, looking for some wisdom please because I’m absolutely shattered.

I’ve a 4-year-old and a 7-year-old, both neurodivergent, and we’re really struggling with night-time wetting. It’s inconsistent, which is what’s confusing us — they can be dry when staying with Nana or when we’re away, but at home they regularly wet the bed. Sometimes both of them, sometimes on and off, no obvious pattern.

We already do the usual: wee before bed, and my husband lifts them for a wee around 10:30pm, but they still often pee afterwards. I’m drowning in washing and just so tired.

I’m looking for anything that helped others:
• things that actually reduced night-time wetting
• alarms / products that worked (or didn’t)
• mattress protectors / bedding hacks to reduce laundry
• anything ND-specific that made a difference
• reassurance if this is just one of those phases

No shaming please — we’re not angry at them at all, just exhausted and trying to problem-solve. If something worked for your child, I’d love to hear it. Even small wins would help right now.

Thank you

Sending you lots of hugs OP!!
My middle child wore a pull up until she was 6 and then we used the alarm (one from Amazon) and she would still occasionally have damp pants in the morning (just turned 8).

I did cloth nappies with my youngest and lots would recommend a fleece liner inside the nappy next to the skin to wick away fluid and leave the skin not feeling as wet, could you try something like that with your oldest? Also some people use bamboo boosters inside night nappies for extra absorption. And also you can get bigger reusable nappies for older children, I used them for my girl, which is still more washing but less than washing the whole bed.

I didn't bother lifting my girl to pee because half of the time that I did try it she had already peed and slept through it.

Have you asked for a referral to the continence team for your older child? They can often provide an alarm, although it might not be much better than the one you buy. It did take us about 5 months with the alarm we had. They will also advise to look at the Eric website, which is really useful.
Blackcurrant juice to be avoided as it can irritate the bladder.
I think 4 is still little and 7 is when they only start to think of referral for nighttime euresis.
It's definitely more common than people let on and I know of a few children my daughter's age who were late to be dry at night, my brother's two kids were aswell.

There is also the option of desmopressin either oral or nasal spray (both need to be prescribed) but maybe in a few years time if no improvement for your older child.

That's interesting @stayathomegardener

My bed wetter had massive adenoids and had to have them removed.

Saw the title and came on to say ND! Save yourself and your kids the hassle and stress. You're not doing anything wrong nor are they. There is nothing you, or they, are not doing. This is just the way it is and it will resolve itself. Meantime implement whatever it takes to reduce the washing. You'll be less stressed, as will they. You are not holding them back, but supporting them until they are developmentally ready. It will happen, meantime prioritise your, and their wellbeing.

I just kept my DS in night pull ups until he was dry. Happened just before he was 7 I think. I don’t see the point in all having broken sleep for years when it’s a case of waiting for a hormone.

DD was dry at night at 2.5. Just because she was.

I didn’t do anything to promote it, and equally there was no other reason why DS wasn’t dry but that the hormone kicked in at different ages.

I did this exact combination for my 7 year old too. It worked well. He was a very heavy wetter and a very deep sleeper.

He seemed to magically become dry as of the past 3 weeks though! I would definitely just put the 4 year old in pull-ups at night, it would never occur to me to be worried about night wetting at that age.

Just pop them in pull ups…? Mine wore them until he was 7. If dry, they can wear them a few nights in a row.

Both my sons were bed wetters until they were 8. I didn’t go down the alarm route. My sister had one waaay back in the seventies and it made a noise like a buzzer. We shared a room and it was the most horrible way to be jolted awake. I don’t know what they sound like these days, but if I hear a similar sound today I am still absolutely traumatised. I get a feeling of pure panic. I didn’t even consider puttIng my sons through the same ordeal. I don’t even believe it worked for my sister. I reckon, at 9, she was ready to stop anyway.

We just used the most appropriate sized pull-ups we could find. I remember DS1 in particular getting out of bed and standing up and they thudded onto the floor! I had waterproof bed covers from Amazon that tucked under the sides of the mattress and they were brilliant. I used a bed pad as well. I did try zip up waterproof covers for the duvets, but both boys hated the rustling, so I just did a fair bit of washing the duvets unfortunately. It was all about containing the wee because there’s not much can be done if the correct hormone hasn’t kicked in.

I completely agree with this.
One of ours was 12 by the time he stopped bed wetting. It's just something you learn to live with and they do grow out of it I promise.
We decided not to go down the whole medicalisation route and just discreetly dealt with it.
Having good waterproof protectors and several sets of bed linen helps, and a tumble drier is absolutely essential.

Solidarity, I'm yawning thinking how tired I was a few years ago!
On the laundry, could you treat yourself to a service wash at a laundrette once a fortnightish?
Once, in the thick of sleep deprivation, our washing machine broke down. I had to go to the laundrette and decided to get the full service wash. I can still remember the Utter Joy of receiving 2 IKEA bags of washing which someone else had cleaned, dried and folded!!

I agree about the hormone issue but I still think bed wetting should be addressed. It’s distressing for them as they get older and affects things like school camps, sleepovers, etc.

I said a few pages back that an alarm worked my son. It taught him to wake when he needed to pee. He’d still need to go to the loo in the night, the difference was, we trained his brain to wake him up. I’m guessing the hormone didn’t kick in until he was 12 or 13, because I’d regularly hear him get up in the night at that age.

My son was a bed wetter up until recently (still in pull ups) he’s 7. I didn’t try to do much about it as I’d seen that it’s to do with a hormone. But he has a residential trip in the summer so I brought an alarm and it solved it within a week.

Hi OP. I have a 6 year old who we have had no end of toileting problems and we have inconsistent bed wetting too.
It tends to come in waves of several nights wetting, then it will be ok for a while. Then she might have the odd night wet. Then she might be dry for weeks before wetting again. So I am here for this!
A few questions first.

What are their toiletting habits like generally? Do they always realise they need to go?
Do they have any accidents or wetting (even little bits) in the daytime?
Do they avoid going to the toilet / deny they need it when they clearly do?
Do they ever get poo smears as well as any wetting?

My daughter is almost certainly ND. She hates missing out on things and will avoid going to the toilet at all costs to avoid missing out on absolutely anything.
I also think her interoception (feeling of needing to go) might be less than that of a normal child - she will often only realise or admit she needs to go once she's desperate.
She also has PDA tendencies and will avoid going if we tell her to go.

I believe the main cause of wetting (for us) is trying to hold poo. She doesn't like pooing, so even if she's needing a wee, trying to hold the poo makes her also hold the wee and she then ends up wetting herself.
As she holds poo, it puts pressure on the bladder at night and she wets the bed more often.

Things that help:

Laxido - one or half a sachet a day (prescribed by GP.) Softens poo so she can't hold it. She poos more regularly/ closer to when she needs to go, and it tends to stop the bed wetting. We used to give it regularly, now we give as and when she needs it or we'll do a stint of a week or two.

Encouraging her to poo before bed EVERY DAY - we have a routine where she has to try a poo each night. If she can't do one, we make her laugh by doing silly things and 9/10 one comes out. She ALWAYS tells us she doesn't need one - so we don't allow her to not try. If nothing happens after making her laugh, we say ok she has tried so she gets off and goes to bed.

Trying to get her to drink more/ eat more fruit!

Not allowing highly engaging activities without a toilet stop first. So eg. if they want to watch telly - I know for a fact they won't break off for the toilet, so they have to try the toilet before it gets switched on.

I realise most of these are around getting them to go to the toilet when they need it, and to avoid holding. But this has absolutely worked for us.

And re the laxido - our daughter isn't constipated and poos regularly. So you may think why would this help. But it reduces the holding, which in our experience helps with bedwetting!

Also - When it got overwhelming for me with washing, I put her into night time pull ups. She's old enough to understand it's not for weeing in, it's just in case of accidents. Helped MASSIVELY while we got to the root of the problem and saved my sanity. It's not a step backwards - so don't feel like you can't do this. Make life a little easier for yourself. I used them on holiday for peace of mind too.

Also to add, we also did everything the GP said and on the ERIC website like no drinks before bed, hydrate through the day, wee right before bed etc etc none of it made a jot of difference!