Who should have been responsible for baby in this situation?

[Peachepan]

I’m a first time mum to a 5 month old. It’s 7 am and I was getting ready for my fist weekend away to a European city with a friend:

I woke up early as I wanted to put in a bit of effort with my hair and make up. So I gave myself plenty of time.

Baby had been fed. Dog had been let out and fed too. I told dh you’ve got him [the baby] now. Dh points out you’re not due to leave for a few hours. So I should be the one with the baby. In a sling he suggests.

Fo context, Dh got home very late from work (1:45 am). He’s a business owner. And a recovering workaholic who is having the baby for the whole weekend. He’s obviously not thrilled being tied down for a weekend but it’s only fair I get so me time. And he promised when we had the baby he would adjust his ways.

Anyway there was a lot of sniping. And I ended with the baby. It just really pissed me off. As I wanted a leisurely morning. I was anxious as I was leaving the baby, out in the world for the first time in ages, not feeling great about my body etc.

Should dh have been more helpful?

Not if it was “a minute or two”
with mine. Yes if it was the time it takes to get ready to leave the house.

DS would stay longer than DD.

It's MN

If a mum says she's tired to be solo parenting a baby for 4 days, she only get sympathy and people rant a her partner who should drop job/ career/ postings and whatever is doing

If a dad is solo parenting AND run his own business at the same time dares pointing out that it's not super practical to be in sole charge for 4 days while his partner goes away on a leisurely very long weekend with friends, he's a lazy waste of space

Love the double standards on this forum

I am the wage earner in my family when kid was young. I certainly didn’t get to have time off from parenting just because I was the worker. Doing 60 hours a week and also all the home stuff that men seem to check out of because they have something dangling between their legs! It’s a complete double standard. Plus it sounds like this dude is a workaholic and won’t switch off. Walking into a heart attack at 50 from stress. There is no point in martyring yourself at work. If you have an accident and die on your way to work. Your employer will have job advertisements out by end of week or sooner.

He’s gonna have a big shock seeing how much needs to be done to run the home and sounds like everything is prepped as well.

what double standard?

Who said that it was on YOU to work 60 hours a week AND deal with house and childcare? If you had a partner, it was on them. WHO has told you otherwise?

If you didn't have a partner, you must have had help of some kind, or how would you parent during the 60 hours you were at work?

I certainly didn’t get to have time off from parenting just because I was the worker. you must have had 60 hours off, unless you dragged the kids at work with you which sounds unlikely, what employer would allow that?

all the home stuff that men seem to check out of because they have something dangling between their legs! yours possibly, and you are clearly bitter about it, not the experience of most of us!

What fathers do you know who solo parent???? Just out of interest, I’d love to know a percentage of solo mums V solo dads!!!!! Hahah can probably vote who comes out on top!!!!

Not a child, a baby and overnight for two or three nights with a workaholic father, not a child-centered one - I'd be nervous.

@EspressoMachiato

It’s the weekend. He’s now finished work.

what exactly would you be worried about ?

I know plenty of fathers who solo parents? I don't believe you don't know any, it's just doesn't fit your narrative for some very strange reasons.

I know a couple of widowers, sadly. I know men who had to solo parent when their wives were in hospital. I know many divorce couple who alternate 50/50, so when it's dad's turn... they solo parent.

More importantly, most dads I know look after their babies and kids on their own as needed - and I know because their wives go with me when we book weekends or trips away 😂

Women work, women work shifts, women travel. Who else than the dad look after the children when they are not at home?

I can see reading on this thread that some women refuse to be separated from their child ever, and it's their right, but I don't know people like that in real life.

are dads nervous when they leave their baby with their mother?

that weekend morning lie in was about the only sleep I got, so yes I would, since I’m a human being and would fall apart without it.

You had children with the wrong man. If you don’t trust their father you should not have chosen him as a father.

I don’t know any solo male parents no. I think you are a rarity to know so many. Good for you.

gosh these men really do get off lightly don’t they. I don’t get why woman are nervous to leave their bay with their own father!?

You don't know any divorced couple who share custody? Honestly?

You don't know any widower?

And actually, you don't know any gay couple where 2 men raise a child?

How could that be a rarity? Even if it's not for days on end, when parents have several children, it's not always mum who stays with the baby and dad who goes with the older ones?

Of course it's not practical with new born when mums who try to establish breastfeeding, but that aside? I even had work colleagues who came to the office to show off their babies, mum was nowhere nearby.

I am not sure it's getting off lightly if your wife doesn't trust you and refuse to let you spend time with your own baby.

Can you imagine the other way round?Your husband never letting you out of his sight if you were with the baby? It's insane.

Errm I'm sorry but you're definitely being unreasonable. You're already getting child free time. You have the baby whilst you get ready, let him have the chilled morning before solo parenting all weekend.

I mean that's just common sense is it not??

Literally the next morning on her weekend away

She didn't put the sentence in quotes.. they were her words.

You can't just change the details of the situation to fit your narrative. She wanted a few hours, not half an hour.. A few usually means 3 or 4. 3 or 4 hours to yourself to get ready before you're going away for a weekend. I have no idea why people are talking about double standards. I don't think this is acceptable for a mum or a dad!

The type of person that expects to have a few hours away from her baby right before leaving the baby for 3 or 4 days IS NOT the type of person to not ask her husband to watch their baby whilst she showers.
Unless she's suddenly had a complete switch in personality.

Are people not clocking that this weekend started on THURSDAY!!! We are not talking about a saturday overnight in a nearby town, this is a full on euro mini break. Fair play that she feels able to do so and is supported to by her partner but jeez, that's a long weekend to also be mithering about not having the morning to chillax.

No, I meant the people accusing others of having internalised misogyny are often just annoyed the other person doesn't agree, whether or not they realise this. It's a bit of a cognitive dissonance for a lot of feminists to comprehend that many women don't agree with them, because they usually have this absolute self assurance that what they themselves believe is the best thing for women.

Ergo somebody that disagrees is displaying misogyny because a feminist could never possibly be wrong about anything.

Are you a man? You seem to be always pushing to ‘imagine the other way round’ narrative!?

No I don’t know any gay men couples with a baby ( not sure why that matters) don’t know any divorced men, or widows!

What’s an extra few hours on top of a long weekend eh???? Society has made woman feel guilty for years if they spend any time away from their baby but have they with men? Has anyone questioned anything men do, they purely get a “nice to see a man babysitting his child”…. And my husband has had this exact comment while out with our child.