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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who should have been responsible for baby in this situation?

467 replies

Peachepan · 22/01/2026 14:32

I’m a first time mum to a 5 month old. It’s 7 am and I was getting ready for my fist weekend away to a European city with a friend:

I woke up early as I wanted to put in a bit of effort with my hair and make up. So I gave myself plenty of time.

Baby had been fed. Dog had been let out and fed too. I told dh you’ve got him [the baby] now. Dh points out you’re not due to leave for a few hours. So I should be the one with the baby. In a sling he suggests.

Fo context, Dh got home very late from work (1:45 am). He’s a business owner. And a recovering workaholic who is having the baby for the whole weekend. He’s obviously not thrilled being tied down for a weekend but it’s only fair I get so me time. And he promised when we had the baby he would adjust his ways.

Anyway there was a lot of sniping. And I ended with the baby. It just really pissed me off. As I wanted a leisurely morning. I was anxious as I was leaving the baby, out in the world for the first time in ages, not feeling great about my body etc.

Should dh have been more helpful?

OP posts:
BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 11:39

Cherrytree86 · 23/01/2026 11:35

@BubblesandTiara

make up if correctly applied makes EVERYONE look better, because that’s it literal purpose, it’s what it’s designed to do

better, yes, but not completely different.

And sadly, most people don't apply it properly, (i suspect they insist on ignoring how different you look in natural light) but that's another thread - if they are happy with their face, who cares. It's sometimes a bit weird, but their choice.

If you look exhausted after surgery or giving birth or whatever, make-up is great, but you still look exhausted, that's life

BudgetBuster · 23/01/2026 11:39

BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 11:33

you know make-up is just make-up, it's not a mask 😂

It does not miraculously make you look different. It might work on photos where you need to be literally caked in make-up but in real life, it shows.

The more deluded people are, the more layers they add and it's not pretty. We can see 😉

I don't think you're wearing your makeup right...

BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 11:42

BudgetBuster · 23/01/2026 11:39

I don't think you're wearing your makeup right...

Don't worry about me 😉, but wearing make-up doesn't mean I am blind or don't notice other people.

BudgetBuster · 23/01/2026 11:47

BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 11:42

Don't worry about me 😉, but wearing make-up doesn't mean I am blind or don't notice other people.

You're actually contradicting yourself yourself in your messages anyway. You may not be blind...

BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 11:50

regardless of people who feel personally offended (despite being on an anonymous forum where no-one knows what they look like, so seems we touched a nerve 😂)

if you couldn't do your make-up with a baby in the room, most of us wouldn't be wearing make-up which was the point of the thread. It's not an excuse to wake-up someone, that was the actual point.

99bottlesofkombucha · 23/01/2026 11:55

3point5 · 23/01/2026 10:38

It's kind of sad some women feel they need make -up in order to "not look like shit"

You can solve the issue of enormous societal pressure on women’s looks later, but while you haven’t yet quite fixed that for everyone, let’s support a new mum who is finally getting to go out for herself and really didn’t want to turn up in 3 day old clothes with dirty hair and baby sick down her front.

BudgetBuster · 23/01/2026 11:55

BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 11:50

regardless of people who feel personally offended (despite being on an anonymous forum where no-one knows what they look like, so seems we touched a nerve 😂)

if you couldn't do your make-up with a baby in the room, most of us wouldn't be wearing make-up which was the point of the thread. It's not an excuse to wake-up someone, that was the actual point.

I agree with the fact there was no need to wake Dad up.

I'm actually now finding it funny that we are all 16 pages into this thread... whilst the @Peachepan is off on her European holidays not giving a toss anymore 😂😂

99bottlesofkombucha · 23/01/2026 11:56

BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 11:37

that wasn't the point at all, no one said she couldn't wear make-up.
We are saying she is hugely unreasonable to book a weekend away with friends leaving the baby with her husband (that is NOT the unreasonable part), but waking up her husband at dawn after he worked later so she could faff around in peace.

There was no need to wake up her husband, who has been working all week and who will be left with the baby all weekend (again, NOT unreasonable). She should have just kept the baby while doing her make-up or having a cup of coffee or whatever chilling she wanted to do, before having an entire weekend off, baby free time - before coming back so her husband could go back to work himself.

Ah yes, she should have just chilled while minding the baby. Why do any new mums want chill time anyway, isnt having a new baby chill time?
if having a baby is such chill time why doesn’t this dad do more of it?

99bottlesofkombucha · 23/01/2026 11:58

Jamandtoastfortea · 22/01/2026 22:27

I have plenty of friends thank you. Maybe I see tjings differently as I am an older mum (babies born at 39) I have triplets and there’s just me. So popping off for a weekend away without them is near on impossible. ! (But I’ve been away plenty with them ahaving wonderful adventures nd we’ve travelled and explored far and wide). As an older mum I’d done plenty of holidays and great nights out with friends long before they came along. I see this as a different chapter - one I love, of course I have nights out (paid for babysitter comes) but the days of spending 2 hours getting ready are behind me temporarily. And certainly not something I’d complain about. It’s just a different mindset.

btw - am sure it’s lovely to pamper yourself with your mum. As im 50 odd, Mine isn’t around anymore. My dad is, he’s 88. I see him my daily to help him with daily life.

so full time serious job, multiples, elderly father - prob why Im less empathetic about op not having time to do her make up. But I guess I should realise everyone has different tjings going on.

I have 3, and if we’re all going out, dh does the bulk of getting the kids ready and I get me ready. I more than pull my weight in our home, I’m allowed to do my make up and hair without my 7 and 10yos asking questions and poking each other and my 3yo kissing me.

BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 12:02

99bottlesofkombucha · 23/01/2026 11:56

Ah yes, she should have just chilled while minding the baby. Why do any new mums want chill time anyway, isnt having a new baby chill time?
if having a baby is such chill time why doesn’t this dad do more of it?

because .. he's at work?
And she's going away for the weekend?
So he's working during the week, and looking after the baby at the weekend? What more did you want him to do?

Toddlertiredp · 23/01/2026 12:05

Whenever one of us is away for the day or out for fun we always give the other a lie in or time to relax in the morning.

Even if he had not been working I would have looked after the baby from 7am so he could relax a bit before a full on weekend. It’s a bit precious not to expect to be feeling rushed with a small one about or have several hours to do make up ect. I’d be annoyed if I was him.

Scarlettpixie · 23/01/2026 12:10

It would probably have been a good idea to discuss this in advance. Expecting to have a few hours to get ready is unreasonabe but having an hour to yourself is not to shower and do your hair and make up is not.

99bottlesofkombucha · 23/01/2026 12:16

Toddlertiredp · 23/01/2026 12:05

Whenever one of us is away for the day or out for fun we always give the other a lie in or time to relax in the morning.

Even if he had not been working I would have looked after the baby from 7am so he could relax a bit before a full on weekend. It’s a bit precious not to expect to be feeling rushed with a small one about or have several hours to do make up ect. I’d be annoyed if I was him.

But you alternate. This weekend away is just about the first real time to herself the op has had since her 5 month old baby is born. That deserves a little support from the partner who hasn’t been pulling his dad weight doesn’t it?

BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 12:21

99bottlesofkombucha · 23/01/2026 12:16

But you alternate. This weekend away is just about the first real time to herself the op has had since her 5 month old baby is born. That deserves a little support from the partner who hasn’t been pulling his dad weight doesn’t it?

WHERE in the OP did you read he hasn't been pulling his weight?

BudgetBuster · 23/01/2026 12:24

99bottlesofkombucha · 23/01/2026 12:16

But you alternate. This weekend away is just about the first real time to herself the op has had since her 5 month old baby is born. That deserves a little support from the partner who hasn’t been pulling his dad weight doesn’t it?

Hasn't been pulling his Dad weight?

Are we just making things up now..?

SheThinksShesAllThat · 23/01/2026 12:27

BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 11:33

you know make-up is just make-up, it's not a mask 😂

It does not miraculously make you look different. It might work on photos where you need to be literally caked in make-up but in real life, it shows.

The more deluded people are, the more layers they add and it's not pretty. We can see 😉

I love my tinted moisturiser! I love my mascara! That’s all I need to make me feel great…. With make up! 🤣

SheThinksShesAllThat · 23/01/2026 12:29

BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 11:39

better, yes, but not completely different.

And sadly, most people don't apply it properly, (i suspect they insist on ignoring how different you look in natural light) but that's another thread - if they are happy with their face, who cares. It's sometimes a bit weird, but their choice.

If you look exhausted after surgery or giving birth or whatever, make-up is great, but you still look exhausted, that's life

Who is saying anyone wants to look completely different! You’re crazy!

99bottlesofkombucha · 23/01/2026 12:31

BudgetBuster · 23/01/2026 12:24

Hasn't been pulling his Dad weight?

Are we just making things up now..?

She says he’s a workaholic who promised to change when baby came but hasn’t. That is clearly someone not pulling their weight on the home and baby front.

BudgetBuster · 23/01/2026 12:47

99bottlesofkombucha · 23/01/2026 12:31

She says he’s a workaholic who promised to change when baby came but hasn’t. That is clearly someone not pulling their weight on the home and baby front.

She never said he wasn't pulling his weight. She said he works a lot.

That's very different. You've just put words in her mouth to fit your narrative.

Swimmingteacher21 · 23/01/2026 12:48

Peachepan · 22/01/2026 14:32

I’m a first time mum to a 5 month old. It’s 7 am and I was getting ready for my fist weekend away to a European city with a friend:

I woke up early as I wanted to put in a bit of effort with my hair and make up. So I gave myself plenty of time.

Baby had been fed. Dog had been let out and fed too. I told dh you’ve got him [the baby] now. Dh points out you’re not due to leave for a few hours. So I should be the one with the baby. In a sling he suggests.

Fo context, Dh got home very late from work (1:45 am). He’s a business owner. And a recovering workaholic who is having the baby for the whole weekend. He’s obviously not thrilled being tied down for a weekend but it’s only fair I get so me time. And he promised when we had the baby he would adjust his ways.

Anyway there was a lot of sniping. And I ended with the baby. It just really pissed me off. As I wanted a leisurely morning. I was anxious as I was leaving the baby, out in the world for the first time in ages, not feeling great about my body etc.

Should dh have been more helpful?

In our house, if someone is away, or going out for the evening etc, they usually do as much kid time as possible before (and after) to make sure the other person doesn’t feel overwhelmed right before they’re about to be a solo parent for a period of time. For example, if I’m heading out for the evening, I’ll play with the kids and be “on” for as long as possible until I need to go. Last night, my husband was going out and he played with them while I had a shower and stuff, and I took over their bedtime routine 5mins before he left.

You’ve got a long parenting road ahead. Communicate more about your needs, but also be as kind as possible to each other. Sounds like it was a tough situation because you wanted to get ready without distractions, but he was tired and about to have the baby for a whole weekend so probably deserved some extra sleep.

Theslummymummy · 23/01/2026 12:52

Wtf did he have a kid if he views a weekend with them as being "tied down" oh boohoo he has to look after a kid he created.

BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 12:53

Theslummymummy · 23/01/2026 12:52

Wtf did he have a kid if he views a weekend with them as being "tied down" oh boohoo he has to look after a kid he created.

like the OP who has to spend a couple of hours with her baby leaving for a weekend with friends you mean? 😂

ZoggyStirdust · 23/01/2026 12:53

BubblesandTiara · 23/01/2026 12:21

WHERE in the OP did you read he hasn't been pulling his weight?

No need to read the posts when you can just make stuff up to blame the dad!

pinkyredrose · 23/01/2026 13:47

I wonder how often the husband asks Op to look after the baby when he gets ready to go away or to go to work? I'm guessing never.

Terfarina · 23/01/2026 14:40

Toddlertiredp · 23/01/2026 12:05

Whenever one of us is away for the day or out for fun we always give the other a lie in or time to relax in the morning.

Even if he had not been working I would have looked after the baby from 7am so he could relax a bit before a full on weekend. It’s a bit precious not to expect to be feeling rushed with a small one about or have several hours to do make up ect. I’d be annoyed if I was him.

a full on weekend starting on THURSDAY!!!