Who should have been responsible for baby in this situation?

[Peachepan]

I’m a first time mum to a 5 month old. It’s 7 am and I was getting ready for my fist weekend away to a European city with a friend:

I woke up early as I wanted to put in a bit of effort with my hair and make up. So I gave myself plenty of time.

Baby had been fed. Dog had been let out and fed too. I told dh you’ve got him [the baby] now. Dh points out you’re not due to leave for a few hours. So I should be the one with the baby. In a sling he suggests.

Fo context, Dh got home very late from work (1:45 am). He’s a business owner. And a recovering workaholic who is having the baby for the whole weekend. He’s obviously not thrilled being tied down for a weekend but it’s only fair I get so me time. And he promised when we had the baby he would adjust his ways.

Anyway there was a lot of sniping. And I ended with the baby. It just really pissed me off. As I wanted a leisurely morning. I was anxious as I was leaving the baby, out in the world for the first time in ages, not feeling great about my body etc.

Should dh have been more helpful?

As someone with an insanely busy job if I were taking Friday off work and in sole charge of a baby all weekend I could have to work til stupid o’clock on the Thursday, to allow me to be 100% there for the baby over the weekend. I don’t think slating the dad for doing this is fair.

op is presumably going to be at an airport - plenty of time for make up, breakfast or whatever there.

Next time, do your makeup at the airport over a glass of fizz! 😀 🥂
Although this idea would be abhorrent to some people on here…no idea why…

don’t have children then. Because they would get sick, and you would have a partner who needed you to be a partner. And sometimes that’s what it is. I have a busy full time job, but neither dp nor I get away with not pulling our weight on the parenting front.

Her dp promised to be a dad to her baby when they talked about having one, and now he’s ditching that promise. He chose to work till 2 and that doesn’t change his prior commitment to be dad all weekend.

Don't blame you.
Not your fault that your dh ( who knew you were going on a weekend away) decided to work until 145am the night before. Of all the times to do that. Useless. Next time, go to a friends to get ready. Why is it alway women who are the default parent, just because they are 'there'.
Dh didn't plan properly and that's on him.

It doesn’t seem to be part of her husbands parenthood funnily enough. Why do people seem to think it’s fine to only ever get a baby free moment by not being in the house?

LOL
Well, of course. Duh!
That's the nature of internalised misogyny and why it is SO insidious. One is hardly going to be able to acknowledge it, especially if they don't exactly understand it and just react... "Misogyny? No way. I'm a woman, I can't have it, you're just saying that because you don't agree with me" 😂

Besides,it was more of a general comment. I assumed that a gap and a ".on here.."would indicate that. Not that it really matters as I wasn't actually disagreeing with you. Obviously, without knowing whether the criteria was the same, it was a pointless/irrelevant comparison. Can only dismiss it rather than agree or disagree 🤷‍♀️

So yeah, this thread is a hotbed of internalised misogyny

All kids have watch cartoons.

In our house the unspoken rule is that if you're going away, you are helping out with the kids until it's time to leave.

In this case I likely would have juggled baby with getting ready so partner could sleep, especially if he'd been working so late.

You're leaving him with the baby alone for the first time - you want him to be as well rested as possible.

I think the whole thing of arguing over who 'has' the baby for a few hours when you're both in the house is a bit weird. Surely you're both just getting on with stuff and seeing to whatever the baby needs as and when?

you are not implying that the one who works full time and will be in charge all weekend is not pulling his weight are you? 😂

As opposed to the one who is on maternity leave and goes away to have a break?

(dont' get me wrong, I applaud mothers who take a break, I am one of them but come on)

no one is saying you can't do your make-up, just pointing out that you don't need to get rid of your baby to do make-up and hair!

Otherwise, none of us would ever have make-up on

It's kind of sad some women feel they need make -up in order to "not look like shit"

I have three children and didn’t leave any even overnight until they were 18 months minimum. No way would I have been able to leave a 5 month old, we were way too entwined.

i was trying to put myself in the dad’s position, I think the mum is entirely unreasonable to prioritise beautification and breakfast the morning before a long weekend, her baby should come first.

Go back to your original comment, slating this woman and making her feel bad and saying she should want to spend more time cuddling her baby!! Really!!!

the sad thing is when you look like shit, you still look like shit but with make-up 😂

I love make-up far too much, but it's not an instagram filter, you look like you more than people realise.

@3point5

i need makeup to look nice. And I like to look nice. No big deal. Makeup is literally designed to make people look better

I know right!

OP likely spends hours and hours per week wanting to cuddle her baby, wanting a few hours off to do hair and makeup and sort her suitcase etc out for special occasion of weekend away is absolutely fine! I would go mad if I did was cuddle baby - I matter too, and life is all about balance!

I was reflecting on this and thinking maybe it's because I had my children in my late 20s that I didn't need make up when they were little. But to be honest I rarely bother with makeup even now.

Men seem to navigate life without spending an hour a day coating themselves in gloop

I understand doing it as a nice relaxing routine but I think it's just desperately sad if people actually dislike how they look without any makeup on

@3point5

i mean with all due respect, what you think about makeup is irrelevant. OP clearly likes it and wants to wear it and it makes her feel better about herself so she should be able to.

You’ve missed the point, like others on this post.
OP wasn’t saying she needs make up, she isn’t saying she needs a huge blow dry….. she’s saying she wanted a bit of time out for herself to make herself feel a bit nicer. Shes had a baby, our body’s change, we have dark circles under our eyes and so if a bit of make up makes her feel better than so be.

I never wear make up, school run, sometimes at work and I work infront of a mirror all day, I don’t need make up but when I’m going out I want to wear make up for me and only me!

Speak for yourself!

you know make-up is just make-up, it's not a mask 😂

It does not miraculously make you look different. It might work on photos where you need to be literally caked in make-up but in real life, it shows.

The more deluded people are, the more layers they add and it's not pretty. We can see 😉

@BubblesandTiara

make up if correctly applied makes EVERYONE look better, because that’s it literal purpose, it’s what it’s designed to do

that wasn't the point at all, no one said she couldn't wear make-up.
We are saying she is hugely unreasonable to book a weekend away with friends leaving the baby with her husband (that is NOT the unreasonable part), but waking up her husband at dawn after he worked later so she could faff around in peace.

There was no need to wake up her husband, who has been working all week and who will be left with the baby all weekend (again, NOT unreasonable). She should have just kept the baby while doing her make-up or having a cup of coffee or whatever chilling she wanted to do, before having an entire weekend off, baby free time - before coming back so her husband could go back to work himself.