To think current concerns over screen time is bordering hysteria

[Tiredboymum22]

I think it’s over the top.

If my kids didnt have screens, nothing would get done. I’m mostly solo parenting. Family can’t babysit, husband works late 6 days a week. Childcare costs are through the roof.

I have a 6-year-old with ASD and a very hyperactive toddler. Eldest is obsessed with numbers and Minecraft, uninterested in his little brother a lot of the time. Up at 4.30 am most mornings too. I give my toddler the tablet when I’m trying to cook or tidy up (once he’s done playing with his toys).

I am criticised by older members of my family and told I should let him “help me” cook. Sorry but no.

Now I’m seeing countless articles and comments about the harm of too much screen time, but I think people are missing a lot of nuance.

aibu?

He does his bit. He earns very well and as a result isn’t home a lot due to working in the US often but I’m grateful as we don’t struggle, can pay bills and afford private school/luxuries etc. Which is important looking at the state of this country now.
I’m happy cooking as I’m more concerned about the quality of the food rather than the quantity. If all yous husbands are good chefs and you enjoy the food then I take my hat off!

This yep

Well, it is possible because plenty of parents are doing it. You start with something that doesn't matter like salad - doesn't matter if you get a mix of thin/thick sliced cucumber and tomato.

If you choose not to, that's your perogative.

Regardless, using "I have to cook dinner" as an excuse for sticking a tablet in a pre-schoolers face to keep them quiet is not good parenting. (Which is what the thread is about).

Whatever works for you at the end of the day

As long as it's not harming the children involved, totally agree.

My 2 cents worth: i now have very screen-addicted 18 year and 16 ASD kids. On one hand its "whatever works for you" OP. On the other, in 10 years time come back and let us know how its going......

Exactly.

As a parent you do need to put in the effort in the early years. Take short cuts and you will make your life harder.

At risk of being accused (again) of being a bad parent, I’m afraid I also wouldn’t be able to get my kids to eat a chopped salad no matter who chopped it….

They could still prep it for the people in the household who would eat it though.

DD won't eat red onion (can't blame her, not a fan myself) but if we're cooking for everyone then she helps prep for everyone. She knows it's "daddy's favourite bit" or that "mummy loves avocado" for example.

DH doesn't eat cheese but he'll still slice it for my sandwiches if he's making lunch.

Well it’s just me and my kids and we eat the same meals so no green salad for one chopped up by my kids unfortunately 🙃

Well done for finding reasons to everyone's suggestions for how to get your kids helping with dinner. It's quite a skill in itself.

Assume by “everyone’s”, you mean yours…

And I conceded it was a good idea for Sunday lunch or a day with more time.

I’m simply trying to make the point that people aren’t bad parents because they use screens sometimes with reasonable boundaries to get household chores done. And not every 6 or 2 year old is interested in or capable of helping in the kitchen and to attempt to shame mothers for making it work in single parent families when they work 50+ hour weeks and do their best only reflects badly on you.

No, I didn't make the salad suggestion, that one was someone else.

We're not trying to shame you. You're saying you can't see it being feasible and we're giving you ideas. You're just choosing to take it as an attack.

Not even a bit of cucumber or carrot sticks? They're pretty universal toddler snacks.

There is another way you know.

Kids don’t need to be (nor should be) constantly entertained.

Jigsaws, toys, books, colouring books, a bit of playdough, hell - even a box of clothes pegs and some card. There are a million things that keep them occupied for the half an hour needed to make dinner.

It’s what parents have done for centuries.

Screen time in moderation is the key. Research has now shown that excessive screentime hinders children’s language development and attention span. Children are finding it more and more difficult to concentrate and their language development is affected.

Rather than individuals passing judgement on other parents (and in whose interest is it that we all spend our precious time arguing with each other?) that we work politically to actually force the tech companies to make tech and the online world 'safe' for children - whichever age they are. Technology via screens isn't going away (unless we get hit by an asteroid). We need better regulation, more effective parental controls and built in safeguarding.

This whole 'debate' is a lot more nuanced than 'screens are bad'. This is quite a good article.

Screen time limits not enough

What research are you talking about? As far as I aware there is no definitive 'proof' and still correlation over causation (biggest confounding factor being what actually constitutes 'screen time' here.

If it's the from the 2020 cohort study - it also shows that children's language development is much more affected by socio-economic factors and the mental health of the main caregiver (which given that of the 4500 respondents to the survey were women - should also worry us.)

Obviously young children need adult input to thrive and develop language - that is pretty obvious - but the 'blocks' to that are not as simple as just 'reduce screen time'. That's far too reductive a response - again we need high quality early years intervention and support systems - this is not about individual parents - but about how we reduce inequality and improve the health of our society.
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Long term effects of sure start

The author of the Anxious Generation and their new book to help reduce screen time for children (and why)

I am just saying that I find screens a useful tool SOMETIMES to keep them occupied for 30 minutes in an evening when they’re tired whilst I cook dinner.

Obviously my children do crafts, colour, play with their toys, play together and are not always glued to a screen. I think there is a hysteria around using screens ever as if it will automatically damage your children’s development if you put Bluey on the tv for half an hour, thats all im saying.

Quite a few of us with none addicted kids in that age range or older have been told the fact our kids are fine is irrelevant as techs all different now.

It's ADHD in our family but kids have under our roof learnt to regulate time spent on screens and other aspects of their lives - which is good because older two are at uni and I have no input on what they now do.

I do think there are valid concerns round screen but I don't think it new. I remember being lectured by a few other parents as my kids didn't have hand held screens their kids did or play computer games as they wouldn't be preapted for programing and tech jobs - I had to point out DH and I were in that sector and had found our way there despite not having that and that coding games would be better than just any game.

We used sure start and I remember by bemused by a mother who just didn't talk to her DS becasue he wasn't speaking yet - me and another mother had entire conversation - also at home the TV was on all the time. Apaprently two mothers saying what staff had been telling her for months made a huge difference. That all gone now and that and cuts in speach thearpy services won't be helping.

So I'm not in camp tech bros can be trusted or that unlimted screen time is a good idea - I'm saying there are issues but the moral panic is obscuring them. I think moderation and a lot of input on what is being consumed is vital.

It's like posters who don't want under 16 to have smart phones - here all public transport timetables and tickets is on apps now apparenty that's irrelevant but I think making it harder for teens to be out and about independenly does matter as if it happens less and less it starts to be like playing out as kids less socially acceptable and it's starts on a downward curve.

@NeoName see studies/reviews below
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8905397/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38014571/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/39786801/

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/38436942/

More screen time is linked to less parent child talk and interactions. The screen can’t talk back to the child if the child says something. Children are having less exposure to those vital parent child interactions which help to develop language and social communication skills.

@Lmnop22
I agree that moderation is the key and 30 mins a day is fine. It’s excessive use that is the problem. Government guide now state no screen time for under 2’s unless calling relatives on a video call and no more than one hour a day for under 5’s. I think there is new advice coming out soon actually too

Yes. I've seen and read most of those studies and reviews.

But really they all say similar things - that excessive passive screen time can be a marker for/predict a number of negative outcomes - but that is not the same as screen time 'causes' those issues. The issue also occurs when the 'screen time' is not even consumed by the child - but by there being a TV on in the house.

The issue isn't 'the screen' - it's what the screen time is displacing elsewhere - so reduced peer play, book reading, reduced interaction time with caregivers, positive engagement and learning opportunities.

This is why dosage dependent advice on age is so important - obviously the development of children is linked to to their environment and how they are interacted with. Using a screen to consistent excess is mostly just stealing time from them doing other things, it is a symptom that indicates something is not right elsewhere..

Studies show that even just reading half an hour daily to a child can negate most of the vocabulary differences of 'screen use' at the early stages, as does being in good quality early years childcare.

So it's not so much a child on screens issue as a human interaction issue.

We need to support families to have the type of environment where children thrive - not by banning screens, demonising families with excess usage and becoming so fearful of technology - but by building a society that supports children's development at all stages of their life and offer structures for those families that need extra support.

I agree!