To think current concerns over screen time is bordering hysteria

[Tiredboymum22]

I think it’s over the top.

If my kids didnt have screens, nothing would get done. I’m mostly solo parenting. Family can’t babysit, husband works late 6 days a week. Childcare costs are through the roof.

I have a 6-year-old with ASD and a very hyperactive toddler. Eldest is obsessed with numbers and Minecraft, uninterested in his little brother a lot of the time. Up at 4.30 am most mornings too. I give my toddler the tablet when I’m trying to cook or tidy up (once he’s done playing with his toys).

I am criticised by older members of my family and told I should let him “help me” cook. Sorry but no.

Now I’m seeing countless articles and comments about the harm of too much screen time, but I think people are missing a lot of nuance.

aibu?

Come into a secondary school and see the damage screen addiction has done to teenagers. Unable to last more than 10 minutes without checking phones, watching tiktok constantly. I think screens are one of the main drivers to the mental health crisis in teens now.

Oh here we go!!!!

You know ADHD is largely genetic, right?

Ours grew up in the 90’s. They weren’t any real things about screens then. Not thought of a shit parenting.

All their friends had them. Great school in nice area. All had phones. They still grew up ok.

I agree with phone bans in school and banning sm though. I don’t agree with bans on games though. They’re just fun.

Ds 33 works from home. Alll he and his mates do. They game alongside their jobs.

Its the level of engagement which is different. Have Cbeebies on all day isn't at all the same as interactive YouTube or Roblox. One if my toddler relatives has had 24/7 kids YouTube since 18mo, and is a lovely placid child who can't climb or use most playground equipment as they'd rather sit on the floor watching YouTube. Its alarming to see and I judge her mother.

House prices weren't a ridiculous multiple of the median income, only one parent needed to go to work to bring in enough income to support the family meaning one parent could stay at home and do the childcare. Times have changed and not necessarily for the better.

I agree with this.

Although I also think that if someone says “I literally cannot make dinner if I don’t allow screens” they’re talking nonsense. You could. Just like people used to. You choose not to, which is totally fine (my children are not screen free!). But I acknowledge it’s a choice and not a necessity.
The only screen my children have is the tv, and there would be people who think I’m too strict on screens, and people who think I allow too much. I personally am ok with the balance we have, but may well be wrong 🤷🏻‍♀️

I agree!

I must admit we didn’t have screens for twelve and under but no one did back then, and I probably still wouldn’t for the under eights. But it still depends on how they are used.

As for older kids, back in the day we all had separate land line telephones, alarm clocks, televisions, radios, cd players, Walkman’s, encyclopaedias, good public libraries, cinemas, journals, calendars, timetables and calculators etc, all of which are replaced by a single phone nowadays. So it’s not as if they are only being used for nefarious purposes!

The problem is there's no middle ground nowadays. People don't seem to know how to do anything in moderation.

People think 'screens' and think terrible detrimental impact.

What people don't seem to be grasping is that these effects only happen when said activity is done in excess.

It's similar with adults and alcohol and various other problematic things when consumed/done in excess.

Beside the harm caused by screens themselves, there is an opportunity cost, what kids are NOT doing when they're on screens. One casualty of screens is boredom.
I grew up in the 80s, my mum was a single mum of 3 kids, we weren't constantly monitored or entertained. I don't remember ever playing with my mum or another adult.
Being bored is a very good thing, it's where creativity happens. A mind that is constantly entertained is just consuming, not creating.

Depends on the screen time.

If you’re giving your child access to YouTube then that’s very different to putting on a kids DVD. With the former, you can’t trust the algorithms to always show safe material and nobody has vetted the content to ensure that it’s free from swearing etc

Do you know that people like Steve Jobs, Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg severely limited their children’s access to the Internet because they understood how addictive smartphones and tablets are? I believe it was something like 15 minutes a day from age 16.

Also are you aware that apps like TikTok come with parental controls in China so school children can’t watch more an hour a day or whatever? Where’s the concern for kids in the West whose brains are being melted with crap because parents are using them as babysitters? I don’t know if babies in places like China are watching things while in buggies but that kind of stuff can’t be good for development. My kids are young adults and things like Nintendo DS weren’t unheard of at long meals etc but there was no sound and it wasn’t for buggy aged children either.

I'm very very sympathetic to the challenges of raising children without the convenience of screens - I'd say it is virtually incompatible with modern life unless you have a lot of support.

BUT that doesn't mean there are not harms. In the 60s young kids were tied up to keep them safe and let the mum get on with washing on wash day. We would never dream of doing that now. But it was a necessary evil at the time. I think screens for kids are just that, a necessary evil - but they are evil.

We never restricted our DDs' screen time (except during mealtimes) although they didn't get tablets until they were 8/9 and didn't get phones until Yr 7. By the time they were 13 their phones were basically welded to their hands.

They both still passed the 11+ and went to grammar school, got excellent exam grades and went on to good universities.

But they grew up with graduate parents, in a MC household that really valued education.

If a child is growing up in a household with uneducated parents who are indifferent to education then it's going to make bugger all difference how much screen time that child has.

This.

PhD, and 2 MA’s. Despite playing computer games. Enviable jobs.

I think it becomes a vicious circle and children don’t learn skills.
Obviously don’t know your specific situation but generally screen time is detrimental to sleep and rewarding early waking with fun screen time perhaps encourages early waking. Mine’s an older teen but advice was to keep it calm and boring before wake up time, they used to do a bunny clock for young children so they knew when get up time was.
TV was more in background and children would play.
In restaurants kids got colouring sheets and crayons. Now they have iPad or phone 3 inches from face and are in a zombie like state.
How people coped not that long ago. Less stuff so less cleaning. Lots more physical exercise.
So walk to and from school. A preschooler at nursery half days would do 4 walks a day. Children would help eg setting table, washing up. I helped on a brownie pack holiday with 7yr olds and most hadn’t poured own cereal or juice, set table, made a sandwich. They loved it all especially the washing and drying up.

There’s some people who think using devices is a sign of smartness because I guess back in the 90s they were - you did have to teach yourself coding, software, hardware.
That’s not the case with modern devices though. Most of those children who play on computers are not even capable of scanning a documnet let alone defragmenting the harddrive.
It’s a mindless pressing of a button. It’s bright lights, fast speed, ding sounds and all the high dopamine that gives you. Consequently listening in class or reading a book is in no way able to hold your attention - not enough stimulation.

To counter your example, I have a family member who was sat in front of a computer from very young, gaming. They did expect him to go into computing. He failed all his exams, is obese, immature, uninterested in people, and has zero ambitions. Still gaming.

We also made it clear that the moment their grades started dropping at school their phones would be removed. They know we never make empty threats so they never risked it.

I think it really depends on general home life and lifestyle outside of screens really as well as the temperament of child.

My oldest plays a lot of Minecraft and some other games on Switch/PC/console, by herself and with her dad. She would rather do that than watch TV. She also does lots of other stuff: crafts, drawing, writing, extra-curriculars. She does well at school, is a lovely kid, happy, curious, all of that. So I don’t really care about screen time if I’m honest and I don’t monitor it 🤷‍♀️

If I had children who couldn’t self-regulate, had behavioural issues, were behind at school, then I would perhaps look at it differently. But my kids have always met or exceeded milestones, are well behaved, bright, happy, do well at school/nursery, socially very able, so we must be doing something right regardless of DD1’s many many hours on Minecraft!

Okay so.

Some kids dont like chocolate.
Some kids like chocolate and are happy with one bar a week.
Some kids eat one bar and crave more, and cant handle the cravings leading to behaviour problems.
Some kids eat three bars a week and are fine.
Some kids eat three bars a week and have issues regulating their blood sugar levels and have energy issues.
Some kids eat three bars a week and get spots.
Some kids eat 1 bar a week during childhood and then eat no chocolate as an adult.
Some kids eat 1 bar a week as a kid then continue to have 1 bar a week and dont crave more.
Some kids have 1 bar a week as a kid but crave more and more throughout their life and develop eating issues.
Some kids have three bars a week as a kid and dont eat any chocolate as an adult.
Some kids eat three bars a week as a kid and then dont bother with chocolate as an adult... etc etc.

Im sure ive made my point.
Basically, we are all different, and will react to different things in different ways, but there is a lot of research to show that screen time can be damaging to kids in different ways, and while obviously yes, your hairdressers dogs boyfriends kid played 8 hours of Call Of Duty a day as a kid and is now a neuroscientist, for every success story there are kids who have behavioural issues from 2 hours a day, or develop focus/attention issues...
Im surprised this is even still being questioned, when children learn to read they all have different wants, needs, capabilities, and we adjust accordingly, im not sure why people think that screen time is either 'no screen time, your child is a social pariah and you knit lentils and your child never learns how to deal with screens' or 'my kid scrolls tiktok for 5 hours a night and they have friends they struggle to get in real life and no adverse side effects'

When people talk about screen time, I assume they are talking about phones etc-not tv.

Screens are the solution to the problem that screens have caused..

Kid gets up a 5am - give him screen = kid gets up at 5am to because he is given a screen.
Kid is hyper - give him screen = kid is hyper because he spends all day on a screen!

Take the screen away as the solution and the problem goes too...

Teenagers playing video games is very different from toddlers staring at a tablet for hours a day.

If obsessed with numbers, did you try giving him a book with numbers for example?

So I have dc age 17-20. These are the kids that had limited screen time (mainly just tv) when very young, didn’t have phones until secondary and still had pretty rigid rules around screen usage, limits etc.

And then lockdown came and their entire worlds moved online - this was how they connected with friends, spoke to relatives went to school, did homework. So suddenly all bets were off and it’s like the floodgates opened for some of these kids - now late teens/young adults they are addicted to them. They have zero attention span because they are so used to flitting from screen to screen and stopped traditional quieter pastimes like reading or playing board games. They struggle to stay on task with anything (& I see this with youngsters at work too) and want instant gratification in all areas of their lives mainly down to SM influence expecting the big house & flash car, wanting everything new and everything now.

There’s plenty of research about the damage it does, but anecdotally, I know so many parents with older teenagers or young adults who really regret not keeping tighter control on their dc’s screen time.

Just read on another thread about kids going to school,some are swiping books some cant eat or drink independently.
And a lot cant form sentences.

My son was raised without screens he got his first phone call and text and snakes only at 12.
Got a cheap smart phone at 15 hes now in his 20s, he doesn't bother with SM.
He prefers face to face book over gaming, young man old sole.

As someone above said you think back to when we didnt have gadgets, mums and dads still got on with life.
House work shopping work ect.

Screens are ruining developing brains and I truly believe are a huge reason why we are seeing such an increase in SEN like ADHD.