To think current concerns over screen time is bordering hysteria

[Tiredboymum22]

I think it’s over the top.

If my kids didnt have screens, nothing would get done. I’m mostly solo parenting. Family can’t babysit, husband works late 6 days a week. Childcare costs are through the roof.

I have a 6-year-old with ASD and a very hyperactive toddler. Eldest is obsessed with numbers and Minecraft, uninterested in his little brother a lot of the time. Up at 4.30 am most mornings too. I give my toddler the tablet when I’m trying to cook or tidy up (once he’s done playing with his toys).

I am criticised by older members of my family and told I should let him “help me” cook. Sorry but no.

Now I’m seeing countless articles and comments about the harm of too much screen time, but I think people are missing a lot of nuance.

aibu?

No. A lot of the behaviour problems we see in school relate back to screens. And a lot of parents either excuse this behaviour or moan about it but don't do anything about it. Your child's acting out at school because they're overtired? Take the bloody phone away so they're not up all night! It's really not that complicated but they'd rather avoid the parenting part of being a parent. It's not just a few anymore. It's a significant proportion of parents.

I suppose my gran was a prescreen mum as they like many others bought there first TV in 1953 when my mum was 6. Well her way of keeping her two DDS in order while she worked, cleaned, cooked saw to elderly relatives well she would turf them out for the day roaming about and when they were silly and giggly she would smack their legs with a wooden panel. When my mum was disobedient and wouldn't eat her meat , well gristle as my grandad got all the meat she would get her arm twisted round her back till she ate it or gagged then maybe have those 'screaming ab dabs' a pp mentioned then she'd get smacked and sent to bed till the next day. Then it would start again. When my Grandma had to take my mum to school she would leave her youngest DD at home alone twice a day as it was too much faffing about to take her too. When visitors came my gran would make my mum play piano and if she missed a note she would get the wooden paddle out again. And my gran would never have seen herself as a child abuser she was just a mum coping, bringing her kids up.

Yes but what are the parents doing themselves ? Reading novels or sat scrolling. The screen addiction starts with parents. You see it everywhere. Adults in pubs sat on phones next to each other not talking. Workmen stood leaning on a spade with a phone in their hand. Adults are setting the example then everyone points the finger at the children.

2/3 hours is a lot, especially at 2 years old. That's a good chunk of their waking hours.

You wouldn't have had to teach them to read at all - that's the school's job, if they were going to struggle as you did 'starting early' would have made little difference.

If your claim is true that they were so far ahead by the time they started reception then that is really further evidence that they were on it too much. There's very little to be gained from sacrificing their preschool childhood to race them ahead so dramatically - when they will be starting in reception anyway like everyone else.

My kids probably do have too much screen time but I’m very selective about what they watch.

My eldest son can only watch DVDs on his TV. It’s not a smart TV, he has no unsupervised access to YouTube or TikTok or anything like that.

We have a spare phone that’s used as a tablet. I’ve uninstalled TikTok and YouTube. He can’t use an internet browser. All he does is make silly videos (that he can’t share) and play things like Bluey or dinosaur games. There’s no SIM card in it. He also plays Minecraft on his switch but he doesn’t have it before bed or after waking up at half 4 in the morning.

As for the family TV… it’s usually CBeebies. I understand what people are saying, but I just want to reiterate that not every child with a tablet or phone is watching brain rot on TikTok or engaging with social media. I don’t even allow my 2-year-old to watch Cocomelon.

Of course it's the parents.

But the reason children and screens is talked about more is because it negatively affects their development, which will affect their future as adults. And it's not their fault if they have feckless parents that would rather shove a tablet in their face then actually talk to them.

Agree. 2/3 hours is a lot for a 2 year old. I would see a big difference in the behaviour of my children if I let them on screens for 3 hours...even my 5 year old doesn't get 3 hours a day. Exception when we're ill. Then there's no limit.

The WHO recommends no more than 1 hour at a time for 2 year olds, but less is better.

I'm in Germany where zero screen time before 3 is recommended then 30 minutes a day from 3 years old. I do think that's very strict but I can also see where they are coming from...

Absolutely none of this has anything to do with screen time, or lack of it.

Just saying what some mum's did before plonking in front of screens.

You could use the argument that kids didn’t have time for screens as they were too busy working in the mill or down the pit.

I had my children in the 90s/early 00s. I didn’t smack them. They weren’t sent out to play. They weren’t left alone, and they never had to ‘watch’ their siblings. I worked full-time, even when I became a single mother when my youngest was 2 years old. Our life wasn’t so different to life now, except there were no tablets or smart phones. It’s not impossible. More difficult maybe, but not impossible.

Watch “The Social Dilemma” on Netflix and you’ll think differently. Both my teenagers have phones but we have parental controls and screen time so phones don’t interrupt at bedtime. I still think they are on them way too much though, especially my DD13 who seems obsessed with TikTok scrolling.

Didn’t you know you’re supposed to do BOTH?!
Both the nutritious dinner and them have no screen time. Just get the kids to help you cook. 🤷🏼‍♀️

It's shocking that letting your children help make dinner is somehow a novel idea. How do you learn to cook if not at home helping your parents?

It's completely unrelated to screens.

My son was introduced to Minecraft at school by friends and encouraged by teachers. He is completely obsessed with it and doesn't even have the game.

Yes you could say that it is all the evolution of technology.

Pre TV screens. And the thread is about a mother coping with home life and whether her kids have too long on screens or how would she get her jobs done otherwise.

OMG, it’s really not that hard.

A home cooked nutritious meal takes half an hour.

My kids played while I made dinner, or sat at the table doing colouring or a puzzle so they could also talk to me. When they were babies they sat in a high chair next to me watching me cook and I talked to them.

If they cried or whinged then they just had to while I was busy. It’s really not that hard.

Oh, and I was a single parent of three under ten and this isn’t even that long ago so screens were available - we just didn’t use them.

I honestly don’t know why people think this is so impossible.

Yeah, it's still completely unrelated to screens.

The lack of screens is completely irrelevant to your grandmother's behaviour - she wouldn't have been a model parent had she had a TV or iPad to help her out.

Well @Yopoy she never laid a finger on me when she could plonk me in front of Spiderman cartoons and Tiswas.

My son loved educational programmes like Blaze and the Monster Machines and Alpha/number blocks

So... It's ok to plonk a child in front of a screen because otherwise we'd all be battering our children???

Or... people could actually try to be decent human beings and not only not abuse their children, but also try to do what's best for them and interact/talk/play with them!

Well, there's the definitive proof we've all been waiting for. Thank goodness that's settled.

Of course. And then the dog will mow the lawn whilst my two year old washes up!

I'm curious, did you work full time? Have children with SEN? If so, I tip my hat to you.

I have two ND kids and I am ND too, I work full time in a very stressful job, I'm a single parent and absolutely not a chance I could cook a meal from scratch that both of the kids would eat, while they sat colouring at the table. It just wouldn't happen, not for lack of trying - since they were toddlers I enforced quiet time, play time etc. but unfortunately their brains do not work like that.