To think current concerns over screen time is bordering hysteria

[Tiredboymum22]

I think it’s over the top.

If my kids didnt have screens, nothing would get done. I’m mostly solo parenting. Family can’t babysit, husband works late 6 days a week. Childcare costs are through the roof.

I have a 6-year-old with ASD and a very hyperactive toddler. Eldest is obsessed with numbers and Minecraft, uninterested in his little brother a lot of the time. Up at 4.30 am most mornings too. I give my toddler the tablet when I’m trying to cook or tidy up (once he’s done playing with his toys).

I am criticised by older members of my family and told I should let him “help me” cook. Sorry but no.

Now I’m seeing countless articles and comments about the harm of too much screen time, but I think people are missing a lot of nuance.

aibu?

Not always the case, yes they’re essential life skills, but if your dc decides to be a career focused type they won’t even have time to cook their own meals and will probably afford to a) eat out b) do hello fresh or one of those kinds of meal kit things.
My niece is an actuary and she works 7-7 every day. There’s no way she has the time or strength to cook. It all depends on your future prospects. If you’re going to end up being a house wife or unemployed then yes these skills are probably more beneficial to you.

I have a career in finance, work with a lot of actuaries actually (most of ours do more reasonable hours) and yes, we could afford to eat out or do recipe boxes. But we cook, because it's better for the family. We prefer it. I enjoy it.

Career focused people can still do more domestic things. It's not all career or all housewife. That's a very outdated way of thinking.

Also she's 4. Should I not teach her skills just in case she becomes a captain of industry and can afford a private chef?

She’s a head I believe so probably does do longer hours. And I agree it’s much better to home cook anyway but I’m just saying if you’re in a high powered job you often eat out with work anyway or at meetings that involve food with clients etc.

it may be an outdated way of thinking but I’m sorry if you have multiple kids you can’t have it all. My niece isn’t able to have kids due to her career. But she earns very well and can afford holidays, luxuries, etc.

I have 2 kids, youngest currently 3yo, I’ve had to give up work as a professional to run the house and do childcare etc. I don’t think I will have a job to go back to as my gap will be too big and also because of my age when I do want to go back. The job market is at its worse at the moment so uneless things change I don’t stand a chance.

You can have a balance. I work with a head who has two kids. And one of our directors has multiple kids and a husband who works away, she still cooks dinner several times a week.

Some people may not manage it, some people may choose not to do this, but you absolutely CAN have kids and career. It's a choice. And I'm showing DD that every day by doing my senior role well, earning similar to her father (who is a head in a different industry) and being there for her.

Your niece has made choices and they're absolutely valid. But it's not that she CAN'T have kids because of her career. Finance is actually one of the best industries to be in for the balance, if you're in a big company because they're all trying to top each other with the flexible, family friendly policies to retain/attract the best talent.

I think giving my 6 year old a knife is more dangerous for him that 20 minutes tv but thanks for your input 🤡

You've not seen the knife sets designed for small children to let them get used to the skills without being able to hurt themselves then, I take it?

They're suitable for children from about age 3, providing they have developed their dexterity and they're supervised while learning and used sensibly (so not while you're running round like a headless chicken, but introduced on slower/safer days)

https://amzn.eu/d/8gGqyzw

What a weird view!

Again, 60hr working week, 3 kids (2with SEN) and always cooked with the kids help. It's not just for housewives. It's about priorities.

No wonder women complain about being burned out! I just had this conversation with my neighbour last night who said we are living in different times now, there is no community feel anymore. In the past neighbours, g parents, friends/the community would all help out. It seems that nowadays women are trying to do too much and are feeling stressed/burned out.

If I let my dc cook it would take forever and not to mention the mess involved as one is 3yo. If I do it myself I know it’s quick and tasty and I mange my time better too and the end result is less stress.

yes in the school holidays we cook as I have more time and they’re not tired from school and have hwk to complete etc. Not to mention the older one has loads of school clubs after school too. It’s just not feasible!

So, don't cook with DC because it's doing too much and you'll burn out, even though teaching them the skills means they can actually help out and ease the load which results in you not having to do it all? 🤔

Again, priorities. Put the effort in early and reap the benefits later on. Don't bother and you'll struggle the entire time.

No and no.

I'm not burned out at all. And in this household it's also not all on me to do all the family things.

DH and I agreed on what we wanted out of life. We both wanted fulfilling careers. We worked hard pre DD to get into the roles we're now in to achieve the flexibility and salary we now have. We purposely went for positions in companies that offer this.

We know what our limits are and therefore made a conscious decision to have one (appreciate I she could have been twins but we'd have handled two) child and give her the best life we could.

DH pulls his weight with childcare, house and work, as do I. He has very flexible hours, I've dropped a couple of days til she's at school and there's a few options available to me come September for increasing my hours. None of this has impacted my ability to progress at work, I had a promotion 6 months after I went back from mat leave and there's currently talk of another one by the end of this year.

Things don't always go perfectly and we've had some struggles and some unexpected rubbish thrown out way as everyone does. But by actually planning and taking responsibility for our family between us, we are both able to "have it all".

Choices. They're really important. Whether that's who you choose to raise a family with, IF you choose to have children, what you choose to do and how you choose to do it.

As per my previous post it’s not feasible during term time. Too much going on after school, hwk etc. The older one gets an hour a day plus after school clubs. Even his home economics teacher sets practical food hwk for weekends only.

You don't find it feasible. I think what you should be taking from the responses to you is that other people do.

Or they say they do.

All the friends I know with kids who work do not cook with them during the week. AS I SAID ABOVE it’s just not practical. Maybe it’s only a MN thing clearly!

Yeah you're right, we're all lying because we MUST all be the same as you. No one is different, right?

That's you. Others have different priorities or partners to share the load.

Either way, "I have to cook dinner" isn't a reasonable excuse for sticking a tablet in a pre-schoolers face to keep them quiet.

Doesn’t mean a child who doesn’t do it will get lost in life 🙄
some people just don’t like cooking but prefer to fix the car or mow the lawn!

i wouldn’t let my partner cook he doesn’t know how to, there is never any flavour! I’d rather do it myself and actually enjoy the meal! Some men are better outside the kitchen and earning the money as my old man used to say!

No one is saying they will get lost in life. You just seem to be absolutely adamant it's impossible to cook with a child while some of us are saying we're taking the pain of it slowing things down while they learn to teach them how to do it.

What I do know is that a couple of my friends who didn't learn to cook when they were kids are massively struggling these days with the stress of the cost of food and making sure they're putting good stuff in front of their kids, because they're used to ordering in around work or just shoving something quick/convenient in the oven/microwave. And the cost of that is rocketing.

And you don't see the irony in that?

If he was taught how to cook from a young age he'd know and could share the load.

I see...and you want to raise kids who have that same lack of skills or who can't support/treat their future partners by cooking?

There's a very sexist way of life you're subscribing to here. Women kitchen men down the mines!

I just feel some of these things are designed for people with much more time than I have. This would require supervision for a young child to do this, would likely result in random shapes and sizes of vegetables which would cook at different times and would take absolutely ages.

Maybe on the weekend for a more chilled Sunday roast or something but midweek meals after a full time intense day at work with tired children from school/nursery who show no interest in chopping vegetables or cooking (not because I haven’t trained them to want to cook but because they have no interest!) is just not possible.

It's a choice. And it's your life. And theirs. Whatever works for you.