School Readiness

[MissLead]

So on the news this morning it was reported that 37% of kids going to school in UK are not deemed ‘ready’ often lacking basic speech and not being toilet trained.

Assuming these kids have no medical conditions - there must be some bloody lazy parents out there!!

Two parents on professional salaries can afford a very good day nursery. Two parents on minimum wage, maybe with other children, are probably going to afford the 30 hours (term time only, so that's actually 2 days per week, 8-6pm; hopefully a nursery near you where you can get a place and use them), and then maybe whatever else you can cobble together. So that might be a Great Aunt or Uncle whose mobility isn't great and so the child gets a lot of TV, and not a lot of physical activities and interaction with other children. Maybe they don't have great literacy skills and don't read to the kids.

Or maybe the nursery you send the child to says they have to be "reliably potty trained" before you can send them in without nappies on, and you never feel you get to that stage in your week's annual leave - if you're not a self-employed worker who can't take annual leave. So it just never happens, and you keep going with nappies because you can manage like that, and any other change seems overwhelming when you can't pay the bills.

I'm not saying this is every child who arrives at school not ready. But it will be some of them.

I think we need to see an analysis of the data before making judgments. Who are these children? What are their circs? Were they at home or at nursery? Do they have SEN Etc.

Poor kids though - if we completely absolve parents of responsibility then who should take it. Yes society/housing etc is in a bad way but there has to be some parental responsibility surely?

Ex early years teacher here. It has always been the case since I qualified (2000s) that at least a couple of children would come into nursery reception not "school ready" - not toilet trained, not able to feed themselves, unable to put own coat or jumper on or take them off. When I left in late 2010's it was much much worse. Some of the "not school ready" children did have SEN, some were diagnosed later in their school lives, but some did just have "lazy" parents.

The key difference between 2000s and now is the absolute gaping hole left by sure start and the cuts to the HV/ family services. Those free drop in play and stay groups (especially the ones aimed at toddlers) were amazing at picking up parents who did not always send their children to child care providers. Those free toddler groups promoted attendance (usually a stay and play session so the toddlers played whilst the course was delivered) to the free parent courses on weaning/ sleep/ potty training/ getting ready for school. Now those groups (if even running) are for parents having 'difficulty" and 'have limited places" they have a stigma to them rather than the "on Tuesday we are running a play and stay session on weaning if anyone fancies it for something to do out the house" which is how it was phrased in our local sure start in the 2000s.

So my eldest needed speech therapy. I raised it at 18 months. Her HV agreed at 2. Speech therapy started at 2.5.

My DN (who lives with us) needs speech therapy. It was raised at 18 months. Put on the waiting list right after his second birthday after being assessed. His mum died and he came to live with us. He was assessed again as we're in a neighbouring area and they couldn't just put him on the list. Went on the list at 2.5. Was told to expect an appointment in around 18 months. Chased that up recently as it's been 12 months and was told about another year. He'll start school next year with speech issues that have been raised since he was 18 months and he'll have had no professional input.

We're doing our best but kids like him are being seriously let down by waiting lists.

Addictive smartphones is one thing. Not only kids, but parents are addicted, too and just can't be bothered. For many, it's a nuisance really to teach the child anything, it's easier to give a phone, so that they don't bother us for some time. And in this country, we are increasingly used to the fact that it's the government's responsibility to provide even the most basic things, including teaching all the basic stuff to the children. Parents just won't take the responsibility anymore, as they have learned that the state will take care of everything, and we are just here to take care of ourselves and our mental health and do self-care (just chill). Huge childcare costs also mean that many parents save money working from home with even small children present. Tablet saves the day in those situations.

It shouldn't, but during a recent discussion with an Ed Psychologist he told me he visits far too many homes with absolutely NO books to learn from.

Also he attends a combo of nursery and childminder - both say he must be in nappies until he has been reliably dry at home doe a period of two weeks.

Now I can easily have two weeks at home with him - he only attends for continuity reasons atm - but a lot of people don't have a two week block of leave for potty training

And even if you have one block - if they don't click in that period you need another two week block.

When my older kids were at nursery the nursery were part of the potty training.

A lot of "lazy" parents are actually uninformed parents. They don't know how to do these things.

The internet is a wonderful thing but many of the top hits when searching for potty training/ weaning/ feeding skills/ school readiness is grafters on insta/ tiktok/ social media platforms "influencing" and promoting products or methods.

Searching potty training for example is full of "influencers" promoting the 3 day method, the 1 week method, potty train your child in a weekend, these potty training pants are amazing and low effort potty training ect.

1. They should never have got rid of Sure Start
2. We need more help for people who for (whatever reason) are struggling in this area
3. There are delays on accessing SEN etc service so that’s not helping.

A quick look reveals BBC bitesize, ERIC, Ms Rachel, mumsnet, gov advice - and loads more

I agree with this, my son had one appointment in 18 months after his initial speech therapy assessment. We were lucky that his speech was largely delayed because of hearing issues and he made a lot of progress once that resolved, although again it was about a 2 year wait for grommets.

BTW my son would have been starting school in nappies if we hadn't had permission to delay him a year (summer born). This was due to Autism rather than lazy parenting. My other two children were 100% school ready.

I am 100% certain that teachers in his school were not spending any time at all changing nappies in Year R. LSAs were certainly spending some time dealing with toileting accidents, but not an hour a day throughout the whole year by any stretch.

I think parents and carers recognising their childrens speech isn't where it could be is good parenting and asking for a referral is pro active, some parents will ignore any language difficulties,

Is this more prevalent within deprived demographics?

its Mumsnet.

IMO this topic isn’t discussed enough.

It must cost an absolute fortune in nappies??
Many yrs ago now my 2nd child had to wear whole body “plaster” cast (for about a yr or so, changed every 3mths for growth!) from neck to crutch(with cut out for stomach area, for eating/ breathing!). As he was only 1.5yr I realised potty training might make life easier. I found it really easy, & quick too! Having an older (only 1.5 yrs apart) sibling probably helped, but I’ve always wondered why anyone would waste so much life continuing for any length of time with damned nappies.

Bil is a primary teacher (head of junior school) in a middle class village school. More than 50% of dc starting reception last September were not toilet trained and they had to employ TAs to support this. It’s outrageous and very lazy parenting. But then I see things on here about toilet training and can’t help thinking many parents are missing the window and leaving it thinking it’ll be easier once dc is older. I think that makes it harder (not including special needs in this).

Gentle parenting is definitely not lazy parenting it's very difficult. And it has absolutely nothing to do with toilet training!
I think it's much more likely it is a result of two parents working households with very busy lifestyles where children are always going from one activity to another with rarely any time at home.
I'm not criticising because I am not in their place and I think young families have a very hard time these days.

isnt that your job?

Don’t read or engage with the thread if you deem it not worthy hun

If both parents are working then surely the childcare provider leads on toilet training. I do wonder if pull up pants are to blame for people taking the easy way out. I don't believe it's anything to do with poverty btw, poor education maybe

I also think the poor standard of some childcare isn't helping. More kids are in childcare because more parents have to work, but settings aren't as good (not always through their own fault).

When we were taking on my DN I was genuinely shocked at the standard of some of the nurseries locally.

The fact that so many parents now need a significant number of hours mean that a lot will be forced to overlook some issues because a certain setting is the only one with the hours needed.

The fact so many childcare settings are struggling financially will have an impact on their standards as well.