School say they're monitoring lateness now and I feel sick about it

[oBoltFire]

I cant stop thinking about this and feel really stupid for how upset I am but I need a reality check. At drop off this morning the teacher took me aside and said they need to “monitor lateness” because we’ve been late again today and its becoming a pattern. She wasnt horrible about it but it felt very formal and I could feel my face burning and my stomach drop. We are talking a few minutes late, not half an hour, but its happened more than it should. Mornings are honestly chaos here, I’ve got a baby who barely sleeps and needs feeding right when we should be leaving, a toddler who refuses shoes one minute and then melts down the next, no car so we walk it, and by the time we get out the door something always seems to go wrong. I know everyone has stuff going on and Im not special, but it really isnt from lack of trying or not caring. I already feel like I’m constantly failing at the school run and this just tipped me over. I cant shake the feeling they think I’m unreliable or neglectful or just not bothered, which couldnt be further from the truth. Sorry this is long, Im just replaying it over and over in my head and feeling sick with shame about it.

Am I overreacting to the word monitoring or is this actually serious? Does this lead to letters or fines or worse if it carries on? Has anyone else had this conversation with school and it came to nothing once things improved, or should I be genuinely worried about this now? I feel ridiculous for how anxious I am but I also cant tell if I should be taking this as a massive warning sign or not.

Work is structured. Home isn’t.

At work you have systems, deadlines, other adults, and one role to focus on. Home is juggling childcare, logistics, meltdowns, negotiations and constant interruptions with no off-switch and the only systems are the one you set up and control.

People don’t all have the same cognitive bandwidth. I have a senior role which I’m very good at but it uses a lot of my executive function capacity and then when it comes to home organisation I’m slightly maxed out.

Also shame is not a great motivator.

But they need to get to work on time, do they not?
Making excuses for not managing to do something that us such a basic requirement of life helps no one, least if all the person failing to get organised.
I was late a couple of times when mine were young but it was my own fault, the same as it us the OP's fault.
And I disagree with you - shame is s great motivator.

Shame is great for forcing compliance and crushing creativity / spirit, which might look like ‘motivation’ depending what your objectives are.

there are innumerable jobs and earning opportunities for adults who are able play to their strengths and find the areas and work styles that suit them. Those who were shamed as children for being who they are will find this considerably more difficult.

I work for myself from home 🤣 So no I have opted out of having to get to work on time. I hated it, I found it incredibly difficult and very stressful. Frankly avoiding the morning rush/struggle was a big motivator for me setting up my own business.

I have meeting sometimes but only at times where I only need to organise myself to get to them not the whole family out the house.

In the end if often late you need to leave earlier whether that means getting up yourself 15m earlier and the kids

or being more organised and making sure leaving 5mins before you are meant to

being late disrupts the rest of the class and no need on a regular basis

Snacks were always key to keep my youngest happy on school runs. Maybe work out a way to have the snacks stored in an easy to reach way while walking as I know handing them a whole breakfast in the buggy can be instantly thrown on the floor which is frustrating!