School say they're monitoring lateness now and I feel sick about it

[oBoltFire]

I cant stop thinking about this and feel really stupid for how upset I am but I need a reality check. At drop off this morning the teacher took me aside and said they need to “monitor lateness” because we’ve been late again today and its becoming a pattern. She wasnt horrible about it but it felt very formal and I could feel my face burning and my stomach drop. We are talking a few minutes late, not half an hour, but its happened more than it should. Mornings are honestly chaos here, I’ve got a baby who barely sleeps and needs feeding right when we should be leaving, a toddler who refuses shoes one minute and then melts down the next, no car so we walk it, and by the time we get out the door something always seems to go wrong. I know everyone has stuff going on and Im not special, but it really isnt from lack of trying or not caring. I already feel like I’m constantly failing at the school run and this just tipped me over. I cant shake the feeling they think I’m unreliable or neglectful or just not bothered, which couldnt be further from the truth. Sorry this is long, Im just replaying it over and over in my head and feeling sick with shame about it.

Am I overreacting to the word monitoring or is this actually serious? Does this lead to letters or fines or worse if it carries on? Has anyone else had this conversation with school and it came to nothing once things improved, or should I be genuinely worried about this now? I feel ridiculous for how anxious I am but I also cant tell if I should be taking this as a massive warning sign or not.

I'm not expecting a reply, but I wanted to say that it's possible to have empathy with how difficult mornings are for the OP, while simultaneously knowing how important it is to take steps to ensure that her oldest child's education isn't being affected. The two things aren't mutually exclusive. I do have empathy - I was a single parent of a baby and a toddler - it's nothing to do with not being empathetic.

It depends on the school. My class door is independent from the main office so yes, sometimes im in the middle of teaching and get interrupted by late comers knocking on the door or window. I have to stop what im doing and let them in, then mark them late.

Ok, most people manage it. Off to polish my tiara 👑 🙄

Parenting is tough .. especially if you're walking to school aswell middle of winter.
You are already trying to juggle everything and a teacher says we will have to monitor your times.
Don't take it to heart don't overthink .
I'm well out of this stage now so it's easier to say than do but getting up before the little ones so you are less rushed kids feel the rush and anxiousness aim to leave in good time walking leisurely will make things less stressful for you.
You won't always feel like this it gets better x

Imagine school starts 15 mins earlier than it actually does, then adjust the timing but follow the routine you do now to a tee and you will be ten mins eatliwg

in my experience of working in schools, children hate being late. That’s why you’ve been pulled up for it. They like to go in with everyone else. If you can get there being just a couple of minutes late, you can definitely always be on time. Action can be taken if children are so late that the register has closed and they miss the morning session mark but this won’t apply to you. I had a toddler to get to nursery and a child to get to school 4 miles away before I rushed off to work. My strategy was to get up really, really early and leave earlier than necessary. Everything ready the night before (in theory). We were only late a couple of times if there was a crash that held the traffic up.

Op I sympathise with you totally. The school run is hard work!!! I have had 2 under 2 twice and let me tell you no one has struggled like I have! I get to school just as the kids are going in usually. Im not late but never there early waiting for doors to open. The youngest is now 3 and oldest 11 and I'm sorry to tell you it is still as hard. I don't have many tips, and negotiating with a toddler is truly hard work but I'd try for your own peace of mind just to at least get your child in on time so you don't worry about it.

I was a TA for KS1, mostly working with SEN students with Autism & ADHD. I was also an MHFA for the schools i worked with.

The OP said she's there within 5-7 mins on the days she is late, its not terribly, disruptively late, they'd still be doing register and settling in.

Ultimately my point is the OP is experiencing a short term problem based on having a baby and a toddler for getting her young, school age kid to primary school, it won't last for ever, it won't impact the child's learning and it won't teach them bad habits.
Everyone going on like she's being a terrible mother and damaging her child for life needs to behave themselves.

I was the school bursar and a long time governor and I still took one child to school in their pjs once because I could not BA to argue any more.

If your child is in reception or year 1, they could be doing phonics and reading groups during morning registration with a ta. It is disruptive if one child in a group is continually late.

I’d talk to the school and explain, I worked in a small village school and our head used to offer to pick kids up in the school mini bus with the school business manager if parents were genuinely struggling to get their kids to school on time.

My children’s school now has a gate monitor for anyone who arrives after 08:30, they also put about it in every school newsletter (weekly) about how much missed learning time children have if they’re 10 mins late every day.
I think it must be all schools! You’re doing a great job, it’ll get easier 🫶🏼

You’re doing great lass don’t worry . If you’re only a few minutes late it’s not the end of the world. I’m sure you’ll find a routine soon enough that’ll work for you and the family. Personally the schools have far too much to say . You’re getting your child to school at the end of the day .

I’m surprised how many people
saying it’s all fine and relax…. It’s your kid that’s having the embarrassment of being late everyday. It’s not you that has to walk through a classroom full of kids having already started their lesson.

it’s not easy op but it is manageable. Sort your stuff the night before…. Get up a bit earlier… so what if your baby cries as you leave the house… your toddler doesn’t need shoes if in a buggy the whole time.

good luck.

Quick thought- can a local friend or parent walk your child to school?

Just start everything ten minutes earlier and release all guilt and worry. You are predictably late so can be predictably early. All will be well, and no one is neglected.

Haven't rtft but honestly get a double buggy, you won't get anywhere fast or in time with a toddler on foot. Be as organised as possible the night before right down to breakfast ready to go for the toddler in a snack pot to eat in the buggy, uniforms ready on a Sunday night for the week in a wardrobe organiser so it's just grab and go along with an outfit for each day for yourself, if you don't have to think about it every morning it's one less stress. Get up 15 mins early it makes the world of difference, tell yourself you have to be there 15 mins before you actually have to be, it allows you to have that 15 mins grace period for any unexpected chaos in the morning without being officially "late". Don't worry about getting a baby and toddler ready, get them both in the buggy in their PJs, stick a puddlesuit on the toddler nobody will ever know. And lastly, cut yourself some slack, getting 3 kids out the door in the morning is never going to go smoothly and stress free, I have one toddler and one school age and even that is chaos some mornings but the tips I have shared help massively.

For the love of God, how low is the bar? A hero for having her child only a bit late every morning. I've heard it all.

Better up at 7
an hour with three kids is tough and gonna be stressful
x

I'm sorry but reading " making weetabix triangular' made me howl. I forgot how awkward my DS could be over his weetabix 😆 this gave me a spot of PTSD 😆

As you said, it a few mins, not even a half hour. Hats off to you for managing what u do every day, it isnt easy.
Go easy on yourself and dont take it personally, its probs just a tick box that she has to mention it to you x

Having read all the OP’s posts, the OP has already realized what the problem is - she’s been trying to arrive at the school bang on start time instead of aiming to arrive a bit earlier to give herself a window for any issues.

I’m very much the opposite of this and it took a while for me to realize that not everyone aims to arrive early to make sure they are definitely on time.

I probably waste way too much time in the opinions of some people waiting for the start of things after arriving early but I always overestimate the timings and then add another 15 minute window to be sure.

I’m usually always the first one waiting for anything like trains, theatre performances, school bells etc.

@oBoltFire in your shoes for example - if school starts at 8.30, I’d aim to arrive for 8.25 and then work backwards - walk going okay takes 20 minutes so give it a bit of room and say 22 mins plus 5 for any unforeseen issues so leave the house at 7.55 ish.

Kids breakfast and dressed routine takes 30 mins usually so give yourself a 15-20 minute unforeseen issues and start getting at 7am-7.15.

Absolutely grumpy mum here. Ask to speak to the member of staff who brought this up. Explain just as you have to us. Ask for support, suggestions? Explain how the perceived criticism has made you feel. Schools speaking to parents in this way causes stress, your child will pick up on this stress about school. This should be the last thing school want to achieve.
Good luck, be brave, ask them to support you and massive hugs and love to you.
People judging on here should be ashamed of themselves, some of us mums are not perfect!

Some of us have lives that are sent to try us and make sure we are always chasing our tails. You clearly have your hands full. Is there another mum you could drop them off at in the morning? Make it a quicker time away from home and easier for demanding babe and toddler. 🙂 Don’t stress it. You’re clearly a great mum to be so concerned.

Well not all of us are perfect, unfortunately. For me organising more than one child would be a Herculean effort. I also prefer to comment with encouragement rather than scorn when people ask for help. So I guess that’s two things we differ on.

I had a new born, a 12 month old and a child that was at primary school.
I didn’t even get the 2 babies dressed before the school run and the 12 month old may have had a couple biscuits in the pushchair and the new born would have a feed if she was awake early enough but come 8.15/8.30 then she would had to have wait, that would have been from a few days old.
no one else noticed they were still in there bed clothes and they then would have been washed, fed and changed when I got home