School say they're monitoring lateness now and I feel sick about it

[oBoltFire]

I cant stop thinking about this and feel really stupid for how upset I am but I need a reality check. At drop off this morning the teacher took me aside and said they need to “monitor lateness” because we’ve been late again today and its becoming a pattern. She wasnt horrible about it but it felt very formal and I could feel my face burning and my stomach drop. We are talking a few minutes late, not half an hour, but its happened more than it should. Mornings are honestly chaos here, I’ve got a baby who barely sleeps and needs feeding right when we should be leaving, a toddler who refuses shoes one minute and then melts down the next, no car so we walk it, and by the time we get out the door something always seems to go wrong. I know everyone has stuff going on and Im not special, but it really isnt from lack of trying or not caring. I already feel like I’m constantly failing at the school run and this just tipped me over. I cant shake the feeling they think I’m unreliable or neglectful or just not bothered, which couldnt be further from the truth. Sorry this is long, Im just replaying it over and over in my head and feeling sick with shame about it.

Am I overreacting to the word monitoring or is this actually serious? Does this lead to letters or fines or worse if it carries on? Has anyone else had this conversation with school and it came to nothing once things improved, or should I be genuinely worried about this now? I feel ridiculous for how anxious I am but I also cant tell if I should be taking this as a massive warning sign or not.

I remember these days only too well. My eldest started school in the January, youngest was born 2 weeks later. 2 year old in the middle refused to be rushed for anything. He's still the same at 30! I just used to shove the small 2 in a double buggy, toddler in his pyjamas, coat and wellies. Wrap the baby in a blanket and put the rain cover on. We all survived You will too - honest!
BUT - that baby is now a Reception teacher. She loves her little ones and likes to greet them all as they arrive. She was hauled into the head teacher this week and given a dress down for 40 minutes because she is starting her register late. Late because she wants to greet every child - including the persistently late. She was sobbing after work this week because she doesn't know how to resolve this. So... I suspect your teacher may be in a similar position and is trying to get her day started promptly. I'm sure she doesn't feel you are a bad or failing mother. You've had loads of really good advice on here. Big hugs. It gets easier xx

Not read all the replies, but the younger two don’t have to be dressed for the day.

Coats over pjs in the buggy is fine. You can deal with them once you are home.

Just concentrate on getting the school child ready.

Thats what I used to do.

Breakfast could be a bagel and a banana that can be eaten on the walk in.

Many, many of us have been there and there's lots of good advice here. Assuming toddler and baby are in a double buggy or buggy and sling, does the school age child have a scooter? At least that way the walk will be quick.
Yes, change your mindset to aim at 5 mins before then if you're a couple of minutes late, you're early!
One thing - if you're flustered, the toddler will pick up on it and is likely to play up more. So a more organised and relaxed start to the day will become an easier start to the day.
I would talk to the teacher to let them know your situation and reassure them that you know that school is important, that arriving on time is important, and and that you have a new plan in place to tackle it, but could they cut you some slack in the meantime. I think they are trying to prevent a recurring and possibly worsening problem.

Of course she isn’t damaging her child by being late a few times. However, the parents I found were always late when I taught a class are very often the same parents who are late repeatedly the years after that. Either you were a TA a while ago as time is really so precious now in schools or your schools were less strict but in my school a child 5-10 minutes late will have missed part of the input to the first lesson. Many of us have had small age gaps and can remember how hard it is.

If that means packing your babies / toddlers into the car screaming and hungry and in their pyjamas then so be it. They won’t be hurt if their breakfast is delayed by an hour.

from pollymere reply at 13:00, which is what Opolope was replying to.

There's some mean bitches on MN, aren't there?

Not everyone has a sleepless baby and a toddler. Get a life!!

So many excuses on this thread.
If the OP can get into school just a few minutes late, she can - with a bit of effort - get into school on time.
There is nothing unique about having younger siblings to manage in the morning. She is not special
I have no idea why pps are lining up to enable this when it is so easily rectified. But I suppose this is MN, where today's mothers seem to be under the impression they are the first women ever to have children.

Ideally, everyone would turn up to school on time, but if our school started monitoring everyone who turned up late, they wouldn't have much time for anything else. There are children with SEN who are school-refusers, parents who are probably ND themselves and struggle with time-keeping, mums with babies, and one mum who's a single parent of four, including young twins. I admire the last mentioned as she always seems completely unruffled, even though her working day never ends.

It's so sickening to see how many grossly entitled parents are so sneering and dismissive of the schooling provided for their children here in the UK.

I worked as a TA in secondary schools and my favourite teacher was a middle aged, Nigerian man. He was a brilliant teacher but was shocked and saddened at how so many parents and pupils took our education system totally for granted. Back home, he had taught children who had to walk several miles to school, and yet were never late. Their parents would have been horrified if they were.

And yet many schools go to a lot of effort to monitor and try to address repeated lateness. Why would they do that if it didn’t impact anyone?!?

because it can be a sign that there is a problem that needs addressing.

Like in my sons case, it was down to his ASD and sensory issues, which was causing problems with attendance/meltdown in the mornings so a conversation was had, and a solution agreed.

In another it could be that the child is being forced to get up/dressed/to school on their own because of a problem with the parent, through illness or neglect.

There is a massive difference between temporary lateness, and persistent/chronic lateness.

Just because 3-7 minutes is unlikely to impact learning, doesn't mean it doesn't need monitoring.

It also doesn't mean that it being noticed/monitored means the OP needs to worry herself into a nervous puddle over it - hence most of us telling her not to worry, and to talk to the school about what the problem is.

I doubt they would punish if it was purely for that reason…

Oh I fully understand !!
It is not easy at all ! Ignore all the smug comments please .
My child’s school did cut me some slack initially when I had a newborn , an almost 3 year old and had to get my oldest to school on time.
The teachers at this particular school could see the kids were all well cared for , oldest had everything she needed for school plus morning snack and pack lunch , and they knew I hadn’t been in the neighbourhood long so had no support network.
What helped me was prioritising my oldest child and if I had to take my others in their pyjamas with a coat on top then that’s what I did , often with the middle child eating a banana en route .
i was sometimes showered and ready for the day but often I wasn’t and had just thrown on some joggers and a t shirt .
So while you can get organised up to a point, often something happens last minute .
Wondering if you could possibly share school run with another mum ??

I know this post is old but I just read it and a lot of the replies on the train and almost got upset for you!
DO NOT let anyone make you feel like crap about your family doing the best you can.
Sorry that people are dragging you for being honest and asking for advice and help!
Being late isn’t ideal, and schools really don’t like it but please don’t spiral . You know you’re going to fix it and this is just a blip
and probably one of the hardest stages. Sending love x

My daughter’s school marks students for punctuality as part of the official yearly report. I have a few questions. The marking is completely subjective and arbitrary. There is no set grading policy. It is also not consistent throughout the year groups or the school. I have a son at school as well. Just what the teacher “feels”. Different teachers will give different grades.

Q: How many lates deserve the lowest grade possible? My daughter’s attendance was 95.81% but she got a D for punctuality because she was late 11 times last year. The school says an attendance of 96% “is celebrated and encouraged”.

Q: Should there be a transparent clear grading policy or is punctuality marking usually left to the teacher’s discretion?

Q: Just so I gain prospective, how many time are you guys late per year? Is a D really warranted in my case?

Q: Do all schools have a punctuality mark on the yearly report or does it differ from one school to another?

But what does that all mean in the grand scheme of things because if being late was wasting peoples time then all the paperwork and grading nonsense over lateness is just a massive waste of a time and money.

This reminds me of one of my first jobs. At the end of the month we had to check to see how many errors the department had compared to how many pieces of information processed and then do the number as a percentage.
Didn’t mean sod all. Just an extra 30 minutes once per month performing a useless task.

Or is this just school training it’s pupils to do useless tasks without question.

You do know whether your dd gets a F, a D or an A** it means absolutely nothing. No other school, college or university is going to look at a D or an A in lateness. It is irrelevant

Could you ask a teacher how many UCAS points your dd could achieve if her grade became a B instead of a D

For me I would think it was a challenge to see how low a score I could achieve.

And they say spelling doesn't matter...

My kids' schools absolutely monitored and kept track of lateness. It's incredibly disruptive. I hope that if a child was often late they would try and address it with the parents and help them find a solution.

Our school records lateness in the register, but as far as I know, they don't do anything else. They certainly aren't offering to coax the school-refusers out of bed and dress them while they hit, kick and pinch. Or to change a baby's nappy and clothes after a poonami, so mum and the older children can leave the house on time.

What can the school do? Tell everyone to get to sleep earlier so they can get up earlier? Nice idea, but I don't think the babies and some of the SEN children will get the memo.

I'm in the USA so I imagine it is different. I homeschooled my kids for a good chunk of their childhoods. I was also a public school teacher for 15 years.
It throws things off quite a bit when kids enter after the class starts the morning because so many housekeeping items are done first thing. Same with early pick up.
As a parent who lives very remotely ,I found the school schedule difficult and I loved homeschooling, but when they did do regular public school I did the same thing I do for anything where time matters and told myself I had to be there 30 minutes before I really did. So then I was on time or a bit early.
Any time the government says they are monitoring you, it is going to cause anxiety.
Any chance someone else can do drop off? Dad? Grandparents?

Everyone’s brains are wired differently. It may amaze you to learn that things many people find simple - or challenging but doable - are actually very difficult to others.

Also lots of people have children but everyone’s home lives and set up is different.

So how do those people manage work then? Catch trains or buses? Attend appointments.
We need to stop making excuses for everything and reset expectations and standards.
Being consistently late for school woukd in the past be embarrassing and you would know other parents and staff would talk about it so you would be ashamed and get your act together.
Now it's page after page of what ifs and yes buts and you do yous and just ignore thems and your family are specials and you're a great mums. In other words, excuses.
I think it's time we brought back shame. It would solve a lot of issues.

I disagree. One of the basics of being 'a great mama' is organising your family to get to school on time.
Being fed and dressed are not an achievement, they are a given.

I disagree. Not everyone’s brain works the same. I am brilliant at some things, organising the family to get out of the door on time with everything we need is absolutely not something I am good at.

We do get to school on time but we’re usually the last ones before the bell.

I don’t think this makes me a better or worse mum than anyone else. My skills just lie elsewhere.

Getting out the door fed and dressed does very much feel like an achievement.