School say they're monitoring lateness now and I feel sick about it

[oBoltFire]

I cant stop thinking about this and feel really stupid for how upset I am but I need a reality check. At drop off this morning the teacher took me aside and said they need to “monitor lateness” because we’ve been late again today and its becoming a pattern. She wasnt horrible about it but it felt very formal and I could feel my face burning and my stomach drop. We are talking a few minutes late, not half an hour, but its happened more than it should. Mornings are honestly chaos here, I’ve got a baby who barely sleeps and needs feeding right when we should be leaving, a toddler who refuses shoes one minute and then melts down the next, no car so we walk it, and by the time we get out the door something always seems to go wrong. I know everyone has stuff going on and Im not special, but it really isnt from lack of trying or not caring. I already feel like I’m constantly failing at the school run and this just tipped me over. I cant shake the feeling they think I’m unreliable or neglectful or just not bothered, which couldnt be further from the truth. Sorry this is long, Im just replaying it over and over in my head and feeling sick with shame about it.

Am I overreacting to the word monitoring or is this actually serious? Does this lead to letters or fines or worse if it carries on? Has anyone else had this conversation with school and it came to nothing once things improved, or should I be genuinely worried about this now? I feel ridiculous for how anxious I am but I also cant tell if I should be taking this as a massive warning sign or not.

Set the alarm earlier.

Why? OP is struggling and her kid is slightly late. It won't be forever will it? I don't see why she should stress about it all.

I think your doing amazing. I've got a 4 year old at preschool and a 1 year old who saves his morning poo for the second we are about to leave the house most mornings, you've got a toddler and babya as well as a school age child, it's hard.
Could you make breakfast quicker? Fruit prepared the night before and clothes set out all ready for all children? I make toast just as I'm waking up my daughter and some fruit I precut (melon) or a banana. She takes ages to eat cereal so we keep that for the weekend.

I'm also tempted to put my oldest in breakfast club next year so I can drop her off then concentrate on feeding my toddler when we get back from the school run. My daughter's school is so laid back. If I'm late I can just knock on the classroom door and drop her off.

I am surprised the teacher would mention this. This is normally dealt with by admin staff or SLT in a school.

You need to get up 15 minutes to 30 minutes earlier if you are late on a regular basis. It really is that simple to solve.

Because as someone who works in education you should understand how important attendance is and how disruptive regular tardiness is.

No, 'everyone' else doesn't manage it. Don't be so smug, princess.

If I needed more proof that the education people get at school is utterly woeful and does not set them up to partake in even surface level discussions, this is it.

Stop being a mean bitch..some people struggle..and this lady is at the minute..typical mumsnetter here

You are going to need to grow a much thicker skin with children in primary school.

Yea it’s difficult when you’re running on empty and no sleep, but there’s families up and down the country doing the same.

and it’s also quite entitled of you to assume being a few mins late is okay. It’s not.

Please don’t worry. You have a baby. Everyone understands. This phase won’t last forever. You have got this. You care, and that’s clear. Do not take it personally. Solidarity 😊

I also understand how difficult it is for OP to juggle a baby and toddler too. Maybe I have more empathy than you. Meanwhile I won't be answering anymore replies from you. My reply was just to the OP.

Oh give over with your bitchiness..you're not a saint..it happens..life happens..its not forever,she's trying to do something about it,god you're insufferable but a typical mumsnetter of course

Feck off

Look this is serious because it’s not just affecting your dc but the whole class. You need start the getting out of the door routine earlier, that’s all, set an alarm 10 minutes earlier than you really need. Yes it’s hard, we’ve all been there but i found the double buggy a godsend

Don't be bullied by the school! Explain calmly your situation and that you are doing your best. Put this in writing to the complainant and perhaps copy in a more senior person. If they keep.complaining or start threatening ask for a meeting with them and say it all again!

Obviously you can't read or you'd see shes struggling with the baby..stop being a bitch 🙄

Its bloody hard @oBoltFire ... at my DC primary morning bell goes at 8.50 and children have to be in by 9am. After drop off I see people walking to school as im walking home so they must be late...
Can you aim to be at school 10 minutes earlier than needs be so I'd aim to be there for 8.40. That way if I over run a few minutes I'd still be there by 8.50. My DC are at a small primary and there's not usually many people in the playground tbh.

Just because the school you worked in was like that, doesn’t mean it’s the same for everyone. We all start at 9am and hit the ground running. What role did you have in school?

Why are you calling everybody who suggests leaving a bit earlier a bitch? Can you not outline your points and views in a constructive way?

Ironic that you’re accusing people of not being able to read, yet it’s clear from your posts that you can barely string a sentence together (and English isn’t even my first language) You sound really common.

Please don’t be too hard on yourself I’m sure this won’t last. I had three under 3 and an 8 year old at one point it was just chaos with three different school drop offs by 9am. We were late far too often than I’d like to admit but slowly got into a routine and brought things back earlier, the baby just had to fit in, he was woken and fed half an hour earlier than his usual time and then slowly moved onto solids and could be managed with the other children and so on.. the school will be fine, especially if you tweak things and the lateness subsides or is intermittent! Do not stress at all, mums have such a lot to juggle, it’s inevitable that you’ll wobble at some points. You’re doing a great job! Just find a plan that works for you to get out a bit earlier.

Family help? Are the grandparents able to do the school run while you sort the youngest two?

any other school mums nearby who could offer to walk your eldest in the short term?

I regularly pushed a screaming baby to school and fed and changed him when we got there.
It sounds really hard for you but I used to have it in my head that we had to be there at 8.40 when the gates opened and despite being a little late, was almost always on time.
I also second having everything ready the night before. Clothes, lunches etc.
Your situation is extra tricky with a toddler in the middle of it all but you can do it. Good luck

As OPs have said, there are unlikely to be any actions taken as a result of lateness. Absence is a thing that can be monitored and fined but I have never ever heard of anything coming of lateness.

Also, you will not be the only one.

However, regular lateness does make for a stressed child and is disruptive for the rest of the class and their teacher, not to mention a black mark from the dreaded OFSTED, which is why they are bringing it up with you.

Absolutely you should let them know why it is difficult for you as you are the sole sleep deprived parent at that time of the morning but also you should undertake to improve which it sounds like you intend to so good on you.

Having everything ready to go the night before is excellent advice, as is lowering your expectations for the tounger ones being fully dressed for the day - if they are warm and have a snack to go, all is well. Aiming to arrive 15mins before you need to is the key to success. Given your current performance, it's unlikely you'll actually arrive early but if it looks like you will, just stroll slower ;-)

Good luck, OP. We're rooting for you!

Being late is a choice.