To lock the bathroom door?

[Skater78]

This seems such a silly thing to ask but I’d appreciate opinions.
If I am going to have a shower or use the toilet I lock the bathroom door. I like to have privacy in these moments, nothing going on just a regular getting ready for the day routine.
My DH says I should not lock the door it’s not normal to do so he should be able to come and go as he pleases in case he wants to brush his teeth or something.
The bathroom is very small but I’m not sure that’s even the point. Is it a big deal if I want 10 minutes privacy to have a shower on my own. He can brush his teeth around that or after his shower. I just feel like it should be respected as my choice. I appreciate some might not care but
AIBU reasonable to lock the bathroom door?

It’s odd that he thinks it’s odd that you might want privacy.

I never lock the door, but that’s because DH would never barge in when I’m in there. You are right to lock the door!

Yes completely concur with you Sincere Soul 💚

Edit, replied to the wrong thread

DH and I are fine with doing a wee or having a shower with the other in the room. Personally, I prefer privacy when doing a poo.

We don’t lock the door. I indicate I would like privacy by closing it, and he has never come in when it’s closed. He waits until I’ve finished. Otherwise it’s left ajar and he can come in if he wants to.

He seems less worried about being witnessed doing a poo, but I don’t particularly want to see it. So if I think that’s what he’s doing, I’ll ask him - and if he says yes, I wait or go elsewhere.

You’re entitled to do whatever you like in the bathrooms in your home. Poo in them. Lock the door. Leave it unlocked.

We have one bathroom for 5. No seperate toilet. So, I tend to leave the door unlocked while I’m showering (behind an opaque screen) in case anyone’s desperate for a pee, needs to clean teeth before dashing out and (to be frank) in case I slipped and fell. Though rare anyone comes in. They tend to wait. And still knock and ask first.

Everyone else tends to lock it. Though will occasionally hop in-and-out of shower to unlock if anyone else is desperate for a pee.

Obvs all lock it if we have visitors.

At previous home, when DC younger, no lock on bathroom door. Everyone knocked before opening door, unless they already knew someone else was inside. In which case, they waited. They’d never just walk in, with or without knocking first.

I find it amazing how you're married to a person where neither of you seems to have been aware of this incompatibility beforehand 🤔I don't understand - did he suddenly decide this? Or was it always an issue?

Anyway, YANBU if that's your preference! (I do know some couples that are happy to even poop in front of one another and each to their own, but it's a massive NO from me, thanks very much!)

Honestly, you don't even need justification to want privacy or time alone. Some of my nicest moments in the week are me luxuriating in the tub or shower, using all my lotions and potions with a podcast or series on in the background. Hubby gets fair warning that I'm going in, in case he needs to pee or whatever, and that's that. It's ME time.

Of course not, everyone is entitled to some privacy.

Sorry but he sounds like a very controlling, odd man.

I lock my bathroom doors and if my DH moaned about it he would get told to piss off.

The audacity of your husband!

Why is him brushing his teeth invading your privacy? Entering the shower, yes. It’s the same as making a cup of tea whilst someone in buttering toast. It’s totally possible for two people to do two things at once in the same space.

going for a poo is a bit different but if you only have one bathroom you need to take into account that sometimes it’s not possible to hold it in.

I do know someone who fainted in the bath and had to be rescued once the locked door was broken down. But otherwise, locking is R in my opinion.

Because she’s having a shower and wants to be on her own.

If you are locked in the bathroom and someone is completely desperate to use the loo then they can knock and the occupant can unlock it and leave. If that’s a regular occurrence then obviously a conversation needs to happen but most people get signs well before they are desperate.

You should have privacy at all times in the bathroom, we don’t lock doors but knock and wait if someone is in there. Don’t just barge in, and if he thinks it’s appropriate with you, is he also expecting this with any kids in the house?

Someone asked if this has always been an issue. So not right at the beginning but for a long time yes, but it’s not something that happens every day or even week because we tend to use the bathroom at a certain time and we have gotten used to that and don’t necessarily clash but of course it did happen sometimes. I do often bite my tongue for a quiet life but as I’ve got older I’m less inclined to put up with people’s shit.
the fact he won’t even knock just annoys the hell out of me.
Last night, I was brushing my teeth and hadn’t locked the door ( generally I lock if using the loo or having a shower). As I mentioned before it’s so small that there isn’t really room for 2 people to use the sink. I said, I’m nearly finished just about to use the loo could you give me two minutes, he made a big huff and show of getting his toothbrush and storming off. He was already in bed by the time I went to the bedroom and I said I was nearly done why couldn’t you just wait, he snapped in tired and you are stopping me going to bed.
i know like 100% know that he was only coming in to make a point because we had squabbled about it in the morning. It’s just petty and pointless.
anyway no mention of it today bathroom used without incident.

And to all those that leave the door open and don’t mind partner coming in and out and I don’t find that weird. It doesn’t surprise me that people are comfortable with it .
I just prefer to have privacy when I pee or shower, it’s especially the sudden unexpected entrance with no warning I don’t like. You give yourself to kids, dh, work and god knows what with hardly any time for yourself having a quick pee or shower behind a locked door doesn’t seem too much to ask.

First response nails it. If my DH was wanting to pop in and out of the bathroom while I am having a shit, a shower, a piss, or shaving my minge, (or whatever) I would class it as fucking weird and controlling and odd and inappropriate. Luckily, he isn't controlling and weird, and doesn't ever need - or demand to come into the bathroom while I'm in there, and waits til I have finished. I am never more than 5-7 minutes in there. (Often much less.) He can wait for his piss. Or shit. And why the fuck would he want to come and clean his teeth while I'm having a shit? He's not a pervert.

@Skater78 YANBU.

Anyone who agrees your DH is acting in a normal/appropriate manner, is very likely the same type who snoops through their partner's mobile phone, and thinks it's normal to always look through it. 'Oh I use my DH's phone to place takeaway orders, and play music, and look at emails and the like' is their usual go-to 'reason' for having their partner's phone and looking through it. Errr, why aren't you using your own phone?

Some very odd behaviour from some people. No autonomy at all.

Poor you! You need to watch out for a man implying that you’re ’not normal’. You are very normal and completely entitled to spend a few minutes alone in the bathroom doing exactly as you please without anyone coming in. Stand up for your rights if you can!

They have 2 toilets .

It’s not a problem with privacy necessarily, it’s a problem with the right to do as you please in your own home without someone else telling you what you should be doing.

Such basic underlying disrespect for you. What a way to live. I hope you are ok OP.

You need to lock it every single time OP. Don't give in to his ridiculous strops.

As I said previously. Have spare /extra tooth brushes in kitchen or poo loo

We don't have a lock on our bathroom door or our ensuite.

My son has mental health issues and is a self harmer. There is no other access into the bathroom other than a small high window.

Our en-suite also has no lock and opens outwards.

A friend had the traumatic experience of having to get a neighbour to access her bathroom through the window as her husband had a heart attack in a locked bathroom, and even after they broke the lock they still couldn't get in as he had fallen behind the door.

As it happens an outward opening door gives more room to manoeuvre in a small ensuite.

If the door is shut there is someone in there and none of us would dream of going in while someone else was in there.

Our shower has a clear glass door. I don’t make a habit of making toast naked so if my sons are making tea at the same time my privacy is not compromised.
If they brushed their teeth while I was showering they’d see me naked. Do you see the difference?

Our shower has a clear glass door. I don’t make a habit of making toast naked so if my sons are making tea at the same time my privacy is not compromised.
If they brushed their teeth while I was showering they’d see me naked. Do you see the difference?