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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To lock the bathroom door?

479 replies

Skater78 · 20/01/2026 08:41

This seems such a silly thing to ask but I’d appreciate opinions.
If I am going to have a shower or use the toilet I lock the bathroom door. I like to have privacy in these moments, nothing going on just a regular getting ready for the day routine.
My DH says I should not lock the door it’s not normal to do so he should be able to come and go as he pleases in case he wants to brush his teeth or something.
The bathroom is very small but I’m not sure that’s even the point. Is it a big deal if I want 10 minutes privacy to have a shower on my own. He can brush his teeth around that or after his shower. I just feel like it should be respected as my choice. I appreciate some might not care but
AIBU reasonable to lock the bathroom door?

OP posts:
Bunny65 · 21/01/2026 18:08

There are five of you and two and a half bathrooms if I've read correctly. Tell him firmly that you want your privacy in the bathroom and if he doesn't like it that's too bad. Just because you're married doesn't mean he owns your boundaries. It's perfectly normal to want your privacy in the bathroom, I would never put up with people wandering in and out at will. If other people don't mind that's up to them. And as for the excuse about a "medical emergency", if it came to such a pass the door could be forced open. But let's just say it's highly unlikely.

Mylovelygreendress · 21/01/2026 18:11

Are your DC allowed to lock the bathroom door ?

rosie1873 · 21/01/2026 18:13

Skater78 · 20/01/2026 08:41

This seems such a silly thing to ask but I’d appreciate opinions.
If I am going to have a shower or use the toilet I lock the bathroom door. I like to have privacy in these moments, nothing going on just a regular getting ready for the day routine.
My DH says I should not lock the door it’s not normal to do so he should be able to come and go as he pleases in case he wants to brush his teeth or something.
The bathroom is very small but I’m not sure that’s even the point. Is it a big deal if I want 10 minutes privacy to have a shower on my own. He can brush his teeth around that or after his shower. I just feel like it should be respected as my choice. I appreciate some might not care but
AIBU reasonable to lock the bathroom door?

HE is being very unreasonable. Lock the door, he can lump it.

Mum23plusC · 21/01/2026 18:21

In all our 35 years together we have never had a lock on our bathroom door. We've had 3 children and managed quite well with this. If the door is fully closed, there's probably someone in there. We do have a downstairs loo (toilet only) but we've never had a problem with privacy.

Chinsupmeloves · 21/01/2026 18:21

No chance in my house with a litttle dog who scratches at the door, bless and lol 😆

Wetcoatsandmudagain · 21/01/2026 18:35

YANBU I lock the door even if I’m the only one in the house! It’s habit but I would hate anyone barging in on me. Everyone deserves privacy

Grammarnut · 21/01/2026 18:36

bathsmat · 20/01/2026 08:56

in my house if someone needs to brush their teeth and someone else needs to use the bathroom we remove our toothbrush and use the kitchen sink. It's not that complicated to manage.

So you go & get the toothpaste & brush, bring it downstairs & do your teeth there. Why not just do it whilst someone is showering?

I think the point is that OP's H wants to come in at any time e.g. when she is using the loo. That is an invasion of privacy and he should stay out. If he wants to come in at any time when OP is in the bathroom then he is using coercive control.

77yearsyoung · 21/01/2026 18:36

I have been married for 56 years and I always lock the bathroom door.
I like my space. You are perfectly normal dear OP. x

tachetastic · 21/01/2026 18:37

@oscalo: He can pee discreetly in the back garden to help the compost heap 😊and brush teeth in the kitchen sink (emergencies only).

Or the other way around.

Ah, no, never mind. 😬

We don't have locks on the bathroom doors in our house and if one of us is in the shower there is no problem the other coming in to clean teeth. Possibly come in for a wee. I think poo and privacy go together.

Millertime9 · 21/01/2026 18:37

ShawnaMacallister · 20/01/2026 08:43

The idea of living with someone who thinks I don't deserve the right to privacy while using the bathroom is horrifying. YANBU at all, this is extremely controlling and inappropriate.

"Horrifying"?
Really
Unpleasant i get, but "Horrifying "?

Easy life you've had till now

Woodfiresareamazing · 21/01/2026 18:39

Absolutely not weird to lock the bathroom door . Your husband is being very controlling. Just keep standing your ground...

Barney16 · 21/01/2026 18:40

I always lock the bathroom door. DP sometimes rattles the door knob and says are you in the bath? Code for I want the loo. I always say yes. Code for sod off and use the downstairs toilet.

lemonwrighty · 21/01/2026 18:47

We shut our doors but we don’t lock, if DH wants to come in then he can but I don’t expect DH to use the loo or brush his teeth whilst I’m in the shower, he can wait or use the 2 other bathrooms in the house. I don’t think YABU to want privacy in your own home though and I think your DH is a bit controlling to say for you not to lock the door.

Lostinmiddleage · 21/01/2026 18:48

Of course it’s fine to lock it! He shouldn’t just barge in without knocking anyway. It’s called respecting privacy.

Pres11 · 21/01/2026 18:49

I always lock the door.

ForEdgyHare · 21/01/2026 18:53

I don’t really lock the bathroom door because ive had years of kids coming in and holding my hand while i poo or wee. Or am in the bath. Its a bit of a running joke now. But im ok with this. If i lock the door no one mentions it. Sometimes i lock the door when im on the loo because I just don’t want them all traipsing in. If im in the bath then a kid usually wants to come and chat. Or ask for snacks. But thats me. If you want to lock the door then thats up to you. Its weird that dh has an issue tbh. It would make me explore other aspects of our relationship to see if he is controlling in other ways. Once you start finding these signs, you might feel differently about him.

Willowywisp · 21/01/2026 18:55

What a weirdo he is. Perhaps you should assign yourselves separate bathrooms for your toothbrushes etc so that he uses a separate one from you. I would be curious as to what he gets up to on the bathroom that he's so suspicious about you locking a door and feels he should be able to walk in on you at any moment. Was he brought up in some sort of religious household that forbid any privacy for fear that he would masturbate or something? It's extremely weird that he thinks he's entitled to come in whilst you use the toilet or shower. Maybe he's a perv.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 21/01/2026 18:56

I'd lock if using the toilet, since unlocked wouldn't give him toilet access anyway, but i wouldn't lock to shower so he has access to the toilet if he needs it. It can be a bit panic inducing to be desperate for the loo and nobodies on it but the doors locked because they're in the shower, and can't always hear you/ refuse to get out and unlock and force you to wait.

JanuaryJasmine · 21/01/2026 18:56

DappledThings · 20/01/2026 09:08

Wouldn't occur to me to lock the door from DH or him from me. We only shut the door if doing a poo as a warning not to come in. Neither of us have ever thought anything of coming in to brush teeth while the other one is in the shower.

But if that's something you want then of course he should respect it. Not unreasonable for him to find it a bit odd though.

This. Word for word.

Daftypants · 21/01/2026 18:58

We have enough bathrooms at home to be able to have privacy.
In a situation where bathroom space was limited ( in holiday accommodation for example) and we had time restraints such as everyone needed to leave at a particular time then we would try to be organised and take turns .
I would lock the door for using the toilet always .
For a shower 🚿 or brushing teeth then I would close door but leave it unlocked just in case my husband or youngest needed to get something from the bathroom or to clean their teeth while I was in the shower in those circumstances.
As I mentioned at home there’s no need as we all have privacy

Mcdhotchoc · 21/01/2026 19:03

There's a reason that bathrooms have a lock.
I can't imagine being in the bathroom on the expectation that dh would come in.
I mean if you can't have peace in the bathroom where can you have it.

Ariana12 · 21/01/2026 19:07

The person who wants the door locked gets to lock the door. Some households do wander in and out - maybe that's the way he was brought up. But if you dont like it you don't have to put up with it.

DilemmaDelilah · 21/01/2026 19:07

I don't usually bother but we have 3 bathrooms between 2 of us so there would be absolutely no need for my DH to want to come in.

If we only had one I probably would lock the door, but I would check first whether he was going to need to use the loo or anything before I went to have a shower or a bath.

NCDoris · 21/01/2026 19:09

We lock the door for poos not for showers as I'm disabled and might fall.

However there are some weird people about. There was thread on here where the new girlfriend was having a shower when the bf came into poo (he had another bathroom in the house ).
There's a kink for this (it was on Olivia Attwood).
I'd stick to locking the door @Skater78 its a control thing and he doesn't own you. He wouldn't be getting any sugar from me.

HevenlyMeS · 21/01/2026 19:10

You're most surely not being unreasonable in my humblest opinion 💚God bless you
I couldn't bear someone just barging into the same room I was having a shower in either -
Most surely you're a million percent completely permitted to have your privacy & I believe your husband is being really selfish & inconsiderate trying to persuade you that it's not a normal request to wish for something which is just basic self respect
Wishing you all the utmost very best
💚🫂💚