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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People who don’t ask questions

710 replies

Bluedoor11 · 19/01/2026 21:39

We currently have family staying over. DH’s sister and brother in law plus three kids. We haven’t seen them in 10 years (they live abroad) so we were looking forward to it. All going very well, kids lovely, guests thoughtful (offered to cook and shop, clean, etc), but they just don’t ask ANY questions. We’ve asked about their lives, jobs, kids schools, friends, etc etc etc, but they just don’t reciprocate. Even when we just tell them about our lives - without being asked - they just stare and don’t ask follow up questions.

I don’t think it’s because they don’t care. Prob that they never learned to ask questions? We know other people that are exactly the same. I must admit, it drives me crazy! Why don’t people ask questions? It can really come across as lack of interest / not caring…

OP posts:
jamandcustard · 04/02/2026 14:01

TheaBrandt1 · 04/02/2026 13:27

Who is saying anything about “rules”? It’s just showing an interest in other people.

Thinking about it most interactions I have with others be it family or friends is based on questions - “how was your day” “did your friends like your homemade biscuits” when teen gets home or asking friends how their week was etc. I can’t imagine how I would interact if I didn’t ask anyone any questions!

People have given you multiple examples but for some reason you still choose to believe it’s impossible.

WhatNoRaisins · 04/02/2026 14:13

sandyhappypeople · 04/02/2026 13:58

Luckily the people I know would just carry on telling me about Ella’s new job anyway.

So they monologue about Ella's job and you just sit there listening until they've finished? Do you interject with anything at any time? Body language, facial expression, nodding etc?

Show quote history

Agree, I couldn't do this at all. If I was to start talking about Ella's job, catch my breath and get no response from person I'm talking to then I'd be too self-conscious to carry on talking. I'd keep my thoughts about Ella's new job to myself or wait until I could speak to a responsive person about it.

TheaBrandt1 · 04/02/2026 14:24

Same! I’d assume they were bored stiff if I got nothing back and would shut up.

sandyhappypeople · 04/02/2026 14:30

jamandcustard · 04/02/2026 14:00

I’ve answered this multiple times on the thread already so don’t feel as though there’s any benefit in repeating myself.

Show quote history

Honestly you haven't, you just keep saying about sharing similar stories as a way of having a conversation and never 'having to ask questions', but as far as I know you haven't given any examples of what you would consider a normal conversation.. apart from to say that examples of conversations that people are posting on here make no sense to you.

I'm not trying to catch you out or say you're wrong, you're autistic so your definition of 'normal (to you)' and my definition of 'normal (to me)' will be different, but neither is right or wrong.

I am genuinely curious as to what is 'normal' to you though, and how you respond to people telling you about something, you don't ask questions, but do you give off other social cues to show you are engaged?

wombat1a · 04/02/2026 14:39

You only need to ask a few questions to be told 'None of your business' to stop asking questions.

DH is like this, he'll happly tell you everything about his toolbox(es) and his local footy team but won't once ask how my parents are as 'he assumes if I want him to know then I'd just tell him'.

jamandcustard · 04/02/2026 17:04

sandyhappypeople · 04/02/2026 14:30

Honestly you haven't, you just keep saying about sharing similar stories as a way of having a conversation and never 'having to ask questions', but as far as I know you haven't given any examples of what you would consider a normal conversation.. apart from to say that examples of conversations that people are posting on here make no sense to you.

I'm not trying to catch you out or say you're wrong, you're autistic so your definition of 'normal (to you)' and my definition of 'normal (to me)' will be different, but neither is right or wrong.

I am genuinely curious as to what is 'normal' to you though, and how you respond to people telling you about something, you don't ask questions, but do you give off other social cues to show you are engaged?

Show quote history

As I've said (multiple times) I would tell a similar story that I feel the other person would relate to, or find interesting, or I would comment on an aspect of the story I'd been told without asking a question, as I would worry that they would find a question intrusive or inappropriate.

WendyFromTransvisionWamp · 04/02/2026 17:34

TheFireHorse · 19/01/2026 22:21

There another reason too, apart from not to want to be seen prying.

There is complete self-absorption. I sat next a woman at a school play last week. She started making small talk (which I hate) but reciprocated anyway and asked what scene her daughter was in.

There then followed about 15 minutes about her daughter, how good she was at drama, her other daughter and how good she was at sport etc etc etc. I just nodded and said "Hmmmm" but in my head I was wondering how long it would take her to ask about my child.

She didn't!! I stopped making eye contact and moved my body away from her to signal I didn't want to engage any more. But she kept going on and on and on.

She didn't ask one question to me. I ended up pretending to need the toilet and walked away. Came back and she still tried to engage and tell me MORE about her kids.

I'm not sure being so early for the play to have a good seat, was worth it in the end!

Also on some dates I've listened to some drone on and on. About their kids, their ex, their amazing job. But never a question to me! That's why first dates for me are only half an hour.

I'm completely opposite, I ask loads of questions sometimes too many. And often have to end up apologising.

"Ooo your brother lives in Australia ? Do you visit often? How did your parents feel? What made them decide on Australia"

Sorry that was a rant!!!

This happened to me too but the daughter in question was 22 🤣 Long monologue about her and her travels but not one question about us, our kids etc, absolutely nothing!

MarcColon · 04/02/2026 18:49

Grant me strength everyone. The in-laws are arriving. Fil will tell his 'amusing anecdotes' which I absolutely guarantee I've heard before. MIL will smile serenely. That woman must be on some crazy speech suppressants for the last 30 years.
It's all going crazy in the family - school refuser, cancer, terminal cancer, divorce, debt it's positively Dickensian but none of that will be mentioned.
I've left my super cool job, which they never asked me about, then resigned from the new one so back to the old but that won't be asked about.
My plan is to solo walk the dog multiple times, including a long stop in a cafe because to be fair she's not much of a walker.
Disrupt the anecdote flow, because it is interesting when you get a new one.
Ignore MIL, she has always been the worst kind of snobby bitch.
Repeat, I support DH, I support DH.

honeysunnymoney · 06/02/2026 22:55

Ha ha, MarcColon, I think you're right in that getting a brand new anecdote can be a genuine little boost of joy in these situations! And you feel like ah, if only we could just have a few more of these!

Have they been yet? I'd love to know more about your super cool job but a public forum probably isn't the place. So frustrating not to be asked when there are no limits on sharing, beyond your own judgement.

I can see why they might not want to talk about the Dickensian stuff but at the same time, do you have any other way of finding out about it? If it's your close family it would be helpful to know the basics, but yeah, maybe they just want to let their hair down and forget it all and your company is where they do that in their own way?!

Catsbreakfast · 06/02/2026 23:16

SuffolkBargeWoman · 19/01/2026 21:41

It is rude to ask personal questions.

It’s not rude to ask basic questions of how your host is doing when you haven’t seen them in a while.

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