To not bail DD out with car damage

[brokenbiscuitsadness]

DD 18 is at college. She has a car and an earns a good wage from her part time bar job.
I try to have ongoing conversations with her about saving money but it goes in one ear out the other. She literally spends every penny she earns without any thought to the future/car maintenance/emergencies.

when it was really icy a few weeks ago her car skidded in the college car park, causing £600 worth of damage to another car.
Naturally she has now come to me begging for me to loan her the money as she doesn't have it and so she doesn’t have to go through her insurance. I suspect she will have also asked ExH to also help - he will probably give in.

if she was more sensible with money I would be willing to lend it to her but I am now so exasperated I want to say no. That way she will have to figure a plan out herself and hopefully start to consider see why it’s so important to put money aside

AIBU?

OP as your daughter will not even talk to you about the whole point of saving for this type of expense or how insurance works, I'd tell her she can sort it with her dad. And you're not covering half the insurance cost for her. She doesn't get benefits without responsibilities too and treating you with this level of disrespect isn't OK. Some just like to learn the hard and expensive way.

It's really unfortunate that this has happened to your DD, more experienced drivers also fall foul in icy weather. BUT, what your daughter has to recognise is that she has signed a legally binding contract with the insurer that she will advise them within an appropriate timescale of any incident that they would class as a material fact (which is information that would affect their assessment of the risk she poses as a driver). Hitting another vehicle is of course absolutely a material fact and if she doesn't tell them, she will be in breach of the contract she has with them.

If they find out at any point that she failed to disclose that she hit another vehicle, she will find her current policy voided (and no money back) and also that she will find it exponentially harder to find another insurer. It's also possible that the other driver will announce that it has cost much more than they initially thought to repair the damage to their vehicle and demand more. The stress of all this just isn't worth it.

It's harsh but I don't think your DD sounds mature enough yet to be driving, especially if she doesn't understand the implications of insurances and damaging third party property. She's certainly got no business booking holidays when she doesn't have the money to cover her motoring costs!

That's not the same as something being a legal requirement (as in, you'll go to jail if you don't comply). It's just a civil matter.

This is my opinion:

As a mum I understand you want to teach her a lesson, yes she should be saving.

As an 18 year old that got themselves into debt as they were scared to ask parents for help after getting themselves in a situation and borrowed from a loan lender - I say that you help her this time (maybe go halves with ex) but I would say she either needs to now start seriously saving. Wether that’s giving you a couple hundred a month to save on her behalf or being a grown up and having a savings account.

It was avoidable…… did every other car crash that day?

Her options

1. Do nothing. The other party will either go to their own insurers to pay for repairs Or get your insurance details to claim direct against your insurer. Your insurer will want to know why you haven't reported it.
2. claim against your insurance. You will only have to pay the excess if you are claiming for your own damage.
3. pay the £600, but you do not have £600.

Oh yes sounds like you re a perfect male driver!

Maybe other cars didn't drive over that ice patch in the car park.

That ever occur to you?

The owner of the other car has also probably missed the boat on telling their own insurers within the contacted time frame now.

They were very foolish for not insisting that the OP’s daughter hand over her insurance details immediately.

Why does it matter what sex I am? Genuinely interested why you mentioned that?

If it was my dd I would be telling her to go through the insurance that's what it's for at the end of the day.

Yes. If a young person is adult enough to drive a car, they should be adult enough to sort it out when things go wrong, like accidents.

Only a child would expect mum and dad to bail them out. And a child should not be driving a car.

In fairness, if they have the reg number they can get her insurance details and go direct to them.

What did you do in terms of teaching her the value of money, how to save and allocate money between different priorities, create budgets and avoid temptation to spend everything, about compound interest and its effect etc, when she was a child?

Perhaps you did do these things, in which case taking a harder line now would be acceptable. But it’s obviously unrealistic to be “despairing” of her not managing her money well if you didn’t gradually teach her these financial skills from early childhood and build them up in complexity through adolescence so that she was equipped to manage her money like an adult at 18.

Turning 18 doesn’t magically convey skills that nobody has taught you and engrained through practice and it’s unrealistic for you to expect this if you didn’t put in the legwork to teach her this consistently througout her upbringing and give her more financial independence, responsibility and autonomy gradually as she got older.

I have no idea if you did or not as you don’t mention this in any of your posts. It’s well-known that the brains of teens are poor at assessing risk and long-term consequences in proportion to short-term desires so if you expect her to be able to make rational choices on finances at this stage of development then I hope you’ve ensured that you’ve given her the tools to do so over the last 10+ years so she has that solid grounding to counteract the natural predisposition towards risk and “living in the moment” of someone her age, which is completely normal neurologically and developmentally. If not, you’re being very unfair on her. It’s very hard, simply for neurological reasons, for most teenagers to do what you’re expecting even if they have had appropriate financial education from their parents. It’s the equivalent pf throwing a tiny baby into a swimming pool and expecting them to float.

If you have it I will give it she is only 18 her insurance will be to much for her to afford with a claim and her age

Just one thing, if she has another claim in a year, her fault or not, many Insurance companies will see her (as a young driver) as high risk and refuse cover.

Giving the OP and her DD, whole load more problems.

There'll be someone who'll cover her, it'll just cost more.

She absolutely needs the protection of going through insurance in case the repair is bodged or someone is dishonest about it.

Turning 18 doesn’t magically convey skills that nobody has taught you

And no-one is capable of learning anything for themselves. Everything has to be spoonfed.

A £600 repair means very minor damage, there is no law that says anyone has to go through an insurance company.

A teenager refused insurance, will find it next to impossible to get cover, if they do, possibly in the '000s...

But hopefully the father is now dealing, so more sensible about the repercussions for his DD.

Many people who will accept cash for the minor repair on an older vehicle, don't get it fixed and just pocket the money or they have no cover themselves.

This

There is no way I would encourage my daughter to go through her insurance. The 200 quid she saves would be pennies compared to how much her insurance would go up. Car insurance companies make enough money and are businesses. It's not " the law" but a contractual term in a biased contract.

Dad is out of order wanting to haggle though.

I would loan her the money but insist on it paid back in 2 months so she feels skint as an incentive to save.

i would be highly concerned about paying someone else £600 and not going through insurance as there is nothing stopping them still claiming on her insurance after taking the money. If it was just a wing mirror glass (
happened to me and was £50.00) but £600 no way would i take that risk.

It’s £600 she saves and another vote for insurance every time.

A £600 repair means very minor damage

Unless the garage then discovers further damage (or the driver claims they did), or the repair goes wrong.

At 18 if she claims on her insurance her premiums will skyrocket

You’re right. I forgot this can be looked up nowadays.