To not bail DD out with car damage

[brokenbiscuitsadness]

DD 18 is at college. She has a car and an earns a good wage from her part time bar job.
I try to have ongoing conversations with her about saving money but it goes in one ear out the other. She literally spends every penny she earns without any thought to the future/car maintenance/emergencies.

when it was really icy a few weeks ago her car skidded in the college car park, causing £600 worth of damage to another car.
Naturally she has now come to me begging for me to loan her the money as she doesn't have it and so she doesn’t have to go through her insurance. I suspect she will have also asked ExH to also help - he will probably give in.

if she was more sensible with money I would be willing to lend it to her but I am now so exasperated I want to say no. That way she will have to figure a plan out herself and hopefully start to consider see why it’s so important to put money aside

AIBU?

I agree @BubbadueJuly2026. Help this time but insist that she starts saving.

My DD popped a tyre when she was first driving as she misjudged a tricky curb. We paid for it. When she did it again though (same road!), she had to pay.

She won’t be paying an excess.

Even if she does not claim against her insurance, she is legally bound to inform them. If she fails to do so, and they find out, they can cancel her insurance.

No one 'earns well' from a part time bar job.

At best it keeps her in clothes and a social life.

If I had it, I'd give it.

What has that got to do with it? It’s about teaching a young adult financial responsibility not don’t worry mummy gets £20 a week to help !

I was utterly terrible with money at 18. At 35 i bought a house outright with no mortgage. How she is with money right now isnt how she will always be.

Theres no way she has a "decent wage" working behind a bar part time. Cut her some slack, shes pretty much still a child!

Agree! If insurance companies werent such a money grabbing, payout dodging swines then people wouldnt try and avoid them!

i get why you feel the way you do OP but honestly, at 18, we were all like this surely? Just spending all our money (because we could) and having fun!
the fact that she’s going to college and working part time sounds like she’s doing well at 18.
if you’ve got the money, I woudl personally pay or pay half with ex. Then do a system that she pays you back 100 a month or something. I get wanting to teach her a lesson re money but surely if she goes through insurance, her premium will be massive!
if you don’t have the money though, of course don’t pay for it and she’ll have to go through insurance

Seriously, have you managed to dodge all the posts saying she will be breaking the terms of her insurance if she doesn't tell them she's had an accident and the potential consequences ?

😂 staying true to the name then.
have you also “managed to dodge” my whole comment.
I said about going through insurance meaning insurers paying the other driver. OP can still give her daughter money after telling the insurers. The post also wasn’t about if OP/daughter should tell the insurance company, it was about if she should give her daughter the money.
this is mumsnet, no need to be snappy 😂

You said if she goes through her insurance company it would mean her (future) premium would be massive. You said nothing about not claiming through the insurance (although why wouldn’t she ?).

Then, in this more recent post, you said about the insurers paying the other driver and the OP can still give her daughter money after telling the insurers.

The OP wouldn’t need to give her daughter money if the insurers took care of any claim.

I apologise if you thought I was being snappy but I’m not sure you have a full understanding of the issues.

What reason would OP have for giving her DD £600 if the insurer paid the claim?

I always thought the whole point of insurance was to cover these things....

I remember claiming at 19, and it not putting the insurance up a hideous amount.
When it was damage to my car, I was made to pay for the parts (from the scrappies, as it was an old car my sister and I shared), and my Dad was able to fix it.

if the other person is willing to settle up without going through insurance then she should do that, it will be cheaper. i wouldn't risk haggling - piss them off and all they need to do is put a claim in and their insurance will come after hers for the costs.

her dad's point about private land is rubbish - if it was a college car park it might well be privately owned but the road traffic act still counts it.

A lot of 18 year olds in full time education dont even have a part time job. Those that do, it's usually just for spending money on socialising and hobbies.
Theres a world of difference between an 18 year old in full time eduction who has a part time job for a bit of cash and one working full time. So yes, I absolutely think it has something to do with it and my opinion isn't less valid than yours.

Absolutely no one said your opinion was less valid 😂 and at 18 they should have a part time job!

Damn right I do! Lawyers, along with insurers, comprise another swarm in my cranial apiary.
I tend to descalate and avoid trouble: I’ve gone to court only twice in my life, both of which I enjoyed tremendously.
One was a planning appeal. Won. The other side spent thousands; me, zero.
The other was me suing KLM for charter flight cost after my son and I were bumped. Hopeless case as aviation law is a bugger, lost, but judge commended my persistence, and gave the airline’s solicitor a right bollocking. Zero costs awarded, cost them thousands in legal fees. Ha!
Other self-represented exchanges were with private parking companies, all of whom bottled it and discontinued last minute. Oh, and two speeding allegations discontinued, one due to inability to identify the driver, and the other due to signs occluded by shrubbery. Both won. Oh yeah, and a tow-away charge in Park Lane refunded by the police due to non-compliant signage. I’d forgotten that one. 😃
I suspect those on here who are so insistent on dobbing the OP’s poor daughter in to her insurers are the sort of fools who actually pay those rip-off scammy private parking ‘fines’. 🙄
The point I’m making is a life tip: Avoiding contact with insurers, lawyers, and so on is a recipe for a happy life. Sure, I’ve occasionally (slightly) damaged peoples’ cars, but never claimed on insurance. My fault: I just immediately pay, then forget about it. This is perfectly normal for anyone with business sense. And maybe that’s why I now pay only £350 per annum insurance for my best car. Which is a Lamborghini.
Who’s doing this right?

.

If this was a single mum come on here saying she doesn't have £600 to spare there would be nothing but sympathy. Most people don't have £600 to spare in this day and age let alone an 18 year old, do people live in the real world? Just wanna have a pop at a teenager for making a mistake like they're all financial whizzes who have never had something unexpected happen they couldn't budget for. £600 for an 18 year old is a huge amount and it's not like she did it on purpose. I'd be gutted for her not punishing her-fair enough if OP wants her to pay but it's an unfortunate thing to happen to her when she's only just started driving I'd just feel bad for her and be glad she wasn't hurt. Why twist the knife in and act like it's all her fault for not being psychic and saving up £600 from a crappy little bar job in case something out of her control happens.

Just lend it her and she can pay you back gradually? Unless of course you don't have £600 spare because you suck at budgeting yourself...

IF you do lend her the money, before lending it, I’d agree a repayment plan and and ensure the standing order was set up with her to pay it back to you before providing the funds. Agree what the outcome will be if she stops the SO.

in addition, I suggest you sit with her to help work out a budgeting plan and agree how much of her wages she should save in a separate account ( another SO) when she receives her wages and how much she’d have left to spend on other things. The budget for savings may want to include:

• car maintenance and next years insurance tax and MOT
• holiday fund - holiday costs plus spending money
• clothes?
• anything else?

I am a single mum to an autistic teenager . Doesn’t mean life doesnt happen

Just saw your bottom comment . What a cow you are

Insurance policy wordings require you to inform them of accidents whether or not you make a claim, so her plan for you to pay for the damage (and her not tell the insurer) would be in breach of her policy and probably amounts to insurance fraud. Responsibility has to be learned the hard way if not taken the easy way.

Non fault claims can still affect your insurance though can't they I think?

To avoid premiums rising. Although tbf using insurance might still work out cheaper.

Insurer will pay for damage to another driver's car if DD is found to be at fault. She will need to pay excess if she has to have her own car fixed. If it's only cosmetic damage to DD's car, and no safety impact, then tell her she has to save to have it repaired.

18 year olds are not by nature sensible with money. If they don't get taught before 18, they won't magically get the skills overnight. Do you charge her any rent/board? I'd be doing that and starting a savings pot. We've done this with DS19 who is on a gap year, it will go towards his uni accommodation next year rather than "keep" while he's living at home, but it was non negotiable. He isn't bad with money, but spends a lot on his hobby and we wanted to make sure his gap year working actually helped him with his first year at uni.