To not bail DD out with car damage

[brokenbiscuitsadness]

DD 18 is at college. She has a car and an earns a good wage from her part time bar job.
I try to have ongoing conversations with her about saving money but it goes in one ear out the other. She literally spends every penny she earns without any thought to the future/car maintenance/emergencies.

when it was really icy a few weeks ago her car skidded in the college car park, causing £600 worth of damage to another car.
Naturally she has now come to me begging for me to loan her the money as she doesn't have it and so she doesn’t have to go through her insurance. I suspect she will have also asked ExH to also help - he will probably give in.

if she was more sensible with money I would be willing to lend it to her but I am now so exasperated I want to say no. That way she will have to figure a plan out herself and hopefully start to consider see why it’s so important to put money aside

AIBU?

Depends on the policy.

She's 18! Of course she's going to spend all her money. Were you really that sensible when you were younger? I definitely wasn't. I would lend it to her, I understand about teaching them lessons but I can't fathom why you wouldn't want to help her. Mistakes happen, and her insurance will just go through the roof.

Ah, but if it comes out, and these things often do (never trust a stranger at the side of the road) the cost of taking new insurance after having a policy cancelled will almost certainly be far more than a rise in premium after reporting an accident.

You say it a ‘biased contract’ but it’s a contract that OPDD will have (probably digitally) signed and agreed with the terms and conditions of that contract.

Also, it’s £600, not £200

Yes, she would have signed the contract, correctly identified as ‘biased’ by a previous poster. Because she had NO CHOICE. If one wants to drive on a public highway in the UK one must, by law, agree a civil insurance contract with a greedy, rip-off private insurance company. Who of course take advantage of the fact that you are forced to buy from them.
Running an insurance company is no different to running a casino. It’s gambling. Funny how the house always wins. The only sensible way for a punter is not to play, or at least to play as little as possible.
I insure nothing I am not forced to by law, which is only cars and business EL and PL. I’ve never insured my house or contents, few of my business assets, and certainly not silly things like phones. It’s called ‘self insurance’. Become your own insurance company (remembering that the house always wins.) I’ve worked it out. In my long life, I’ve already saved in excess of £100k. Losses to date are one quad bike and one camera.
OP: For the love of Christ do not follow the frightened sheep and insist your daughter tells her insurers. They’d be at her neck for the next ten years and it would cost thousands.
She does need to grow up though: Be an honourable adult - own your mistakes - pay for the repair immediately and with good grace, and certainly without arguing the cost (so long as there’s no evidence of piss-taking). The other owner may simply trouser the cash and not bother with the repair. Their choice.

She'll have even more problems if the insurance company find out she's not reported having an accident.

My eldest son has been driving a car since he was eight.

I was that sensible but then I had my own flat which I had to have contents insurance for and I didn't spend all my money because I was saving for either a better flat or a house. Boring me.

Haha. This is one of the funniest posts on the thread.

The bastards won’t ‘find out.’

The other driver won’t want to report it either as even a no fault claim causes premium increases. For six hundred quid it’s not worth it for anybody.

Aren’t anonymous forums fun? 😉

What the flippity flappity fuck.

They might (and have done plenty of times in the past)
Not always
Yes, but terribly frustrating when people promote rubbish opinions as opposed to facts

Probably represents themselves in Court too !

What the flippity flappity fuck.

Love it!

I mean it's up to the OP's daughter what she does but surely pointing out possible consequences of each option is kind of what this forum is for?

Fine, don't go through insurance but don't then moan if it comes back to bite you on the arse. Personally I wouldn't trust the other driver to play it straight but each to their own.

Yes. People can demonstrate their stupidity.

Good for you. Would you like a medal?

No, I was just pointing out that not all 18 year olds spend all their money. No medal required thanks. 🤗

Tbf at 18 with a Saturday job I probably did squander a lot of my earnings, but I didn't have a car that I expected my parents to finance, I used to fund my own public transport or very occasionally borrow my Dad's car. It's only at Uni when I had holiday jobs that I realised that I had to actually get a grip on spending and budgeting.

I didn't really get a huge (any) amount of financial guidance so I've made damn sure that I've brought up my DD to understand money and budgeting. I've paid for driving lessons but if she wanted a car she'd have to fund it herself.

Ummm… kind of the whole idea of raising children is that you gradually teach them skills so that they become competent adults. Otherwise we should, by that logic, abandon school education also and just expect them to absorb mathematical, scientific, historical knowlege and literacy by osmosis. It doesn’t work like that.

Financial skills like cooking skills and social skills etc are basic skills which it is part of parents’ job to teach during the child’s development. To expect a teenager to suddenly have such skills that nobody has taught them just because the Earth happened to orbit the Sun 18 times since you gave birth to them is obviously unrealistic (not read updates since last night yet - only as far as your response to me - so no idea whether the OP has now confirmed if she did or not. If she did teach her DD then they can have a rational and sensible conversation about this and DD is likely to take it onboard unless there is some other factor at play. If she didn’t then clearly that’s not likely to be successful and she is effectively blaming the DD for gaps in her own parenting).

This is the most ridiculous comment I have read, at her age her insurance premiums would double with a claim, sounds like the person she has hit has tried to help her by getting a private quote, would hope her parents would do the same...

She has a £400 excess so would only save £200, except her insurance would go up so likely not even a £200 saving.

The excess is irrelevant. She is not claiming for her car.

I had a little bump.
My fault
Not much damage less than 600 certainly and next to nothing on my car.
Other driver got quote
I paid it that day
End of story
I'm certainly not going to lose sleep over it
This kind of thing happens all the time

No excess on 3 Rd party repairs. Only if she's claiming damage on her own vehicle

I agree with you. Not sure why that poster was being so weird when you said that not all 18 year olds are financially irresponsible. I wasn't either and ever since my dd1 has been at uni she's learnt that if she spends all her money on socialising etc she can't afford food, petrol etc

No. She has a part time job. This will teach her a hard lesson.