DH invited PILs on our annual holiday

[Whatinthedoopla]

DH invited his parents on our annual leave destination. This is a holiday we take as a mini family, no one else is ever invited, and he went on to invite them without consulting me.

I really don't mind going with them, as long as I get another time in the year to still go on a mini family holiday.

The issue is, money I tight, so we won't get this opportunity until the year after.

Should I just keep quiet and let them come with us? Or do we book and pretend they weren't ever invited?

Seriously! She needs to have hard words, this is not the 1940s and little women should remember that men make the decisions.

Yes, this is me

Oh I felt that. I hate it when people ask you why you have a personality flaw like you don’t already hate yourself for it. Probably because my childhood was horrific and ……… (3 years later) lol. It’s not the end of the world OP, there’s worse things to be than passive but you can get stronger if you want to.

I just have a lot on my brain, work/breadwinner, child care, home administrator, holiday administrator, the expectations from PILs to have feminine energy hahah

I think you just need to accept you are going to be the baddie here. Tell your husband that he needs to uninvite them. And if he wants to say it's because you have said you want a holiday with just him & the kids, he should go ahead and do just that.

Why bother keeping the good opinion of people who (as you say) are never there for you?

I'd be livid OP. He's just turned your family holiday into his childhood family holiday without asking. He's just denied you any chance of relaxation.

I'd tell him to cancel them or you'll be cancelling and going away on your own.

What a selfish, thoughtless arse.

When we have done holidays with parents (either mine or in-laws) we have either done long weekend type holiday eg something like Centre Parcs, or if a longer holiday had separate accommodation, so would meet up at set times but also meant you could have time just your 'mini' family

I'd cancel. Book another time when plans are mutually agreed upon. This will likely not be the enjoyable trip you wanted, and you have already said there won't be another one next year. It's too big a sacrifice.

Also, your husband has a root cause for why he did this without your permission that needs to be explored so that it doesn't happen again.

Fuck that, if anyone else comes on a trip where young children are involved its on them to work around the needs of the kids, not the kids fit into those adults routines. The holiday is for the kids.

If DH wants a holiday with his parents and a full service housekeeper he needs to pay for it.

What are you getting out of this marriage and how did DH get into debts which prevent him from contributing financially?

Very interesting that in your earlier post you said that your DH told you that you could not afford another mini-holiday (ie just you guys) later on in the year …. why does this character (in debt, low wage, not paying, not carrying the emotional, functional and financial load of the family) get to 1) hijack / dictate who goes on the holiday YOU pay for, 2) holds the purse strings (of your purse) to tell YOU that YOU can’t afford another holiday later in the year.

Whats going on here @Whatinthedoopla - is he usually this dominant and coercive?

Very interesting that in your earlier post you said that your DH told you that you could not afford another mini-holiday (ie just you guys) later on in the year …. why does this character (in debt, low wage, not paying, not carrying the emotional, functional and financial load of the family) get to 1) hijack / dictate who goes on the holiday YOU pay for, 2) holds the purse strings (of your purse) to tell YOU that YOU can’t afford another holiday later in the year.

This! Surely with his debts and lack of money, you KNOW it's down to you to pay for holidays, so why does he get to be the 'decider' of what happens?!

Your husband is a moron.

What’s a mini family holiday?!

I think it would depend on the people. My dad has been amazing on holiday with us, playing with DS and getting involved. Whereas if my mum and SD came, it would be very different!

What on earth does feminine energy mean?? 😬

They basically want me to be very well maintained, do all the housework, child care, cook for partner, work, and he sits back and relax...

🙄

This is not feminine energy, this is an unfair distribution of the load and a lazy husband who'd allow it in the first place. You have a dh problem if he allows his parents to act in this way.

This is a very good reason not to go on holiday with them. You won't get a holiday.

This is it

That sounds amazing, I think I'll get a feminine energy wife myself 😂

You can't go on holiday with these people!

What does your husband bring to the relationship if you are doing everything and are the breadwinner?

Agreed. Sounds like there is an expectation that OP pays for her family (and maybe DH was thinking she would be paying for his parents too) and that she will play host looking after everyone.

I think I would be opting out and saying he can go on a holiday he can afford with the kids and his parents and you will be paying to take them on your own holiday.

What you need is a holiday on your own, then Prince Charming can do all the childcare, housework, cooking, etc while you're lying in the sun.

Or book a long weekend in the UK which is fab for kids and invite them just to that.

Your inlaws raised a sugar baby.

Ew.