My DH bought one of our children an expensive gift behind my back

[Shillie]

DH and I have 3 children, our eldest is 25, then 22 and 20.

For Christmas we don’t spend big, a stocking if they are here on Christmas morning, a gift they have asked for and something we chose for them. All in we probably spend £100 per child.

Today I was on our Etsy account looking at some gifts for a friends birthday, I clicked into the previous purchases to find a seller I had used before and saw the last purchase was not long ago and was for a £250 chess set.
My husband sometimes play chess so I assumed he had bought it for himself and not mentioned it as we were so busy with Christmas. It looked lovely so I asked him about it, mostly wanting to see it.

He then told me he had bought it for our eldest child for Christmas. I asked why he didn’t tell me and he said I would have just said no as we couldn’t afford to spend that on all of them but he really wanted to get it for DD as it matches the decor style of her new flat.

I am so angry! First of all, our finances are joined and we generally agree any big purchase has to be agreed on. Second of all clear favouritism towards one child. Third of all he has asked DD to keep secrets from me and her siblings!

He thinks I’m being over dramatic but I am hurt, angry and outraged. Especially as DD now has had £350 on her Christmas which is over three times that of her siblings!

AIBU to be outraged?

This situation should have a solution (one without lying to you and you vetoing it).

It isn't overly excessive. And you don't need to give everyone the same price gifts at the same time.

Could you just log it somehow together and balance it over the time?

OP I think your reaction is way over the top. It would seem he was right, you would have said no and not let him buy it. You sound a bit mean.

i think everyone else saying they would be really hurt needs to give their head a wobble, it’s a gift for his DD. As an adult he can do what he wants… he doesn’t need permission.

Dear god, so what, can you remember how much was spent on you as a child, why do they have to have the same spent on them? Surely they will have different needs at different times. Can’t you have some your own monies to do what you like with. This all sound very controlling to me.