Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

[seasonofthebitch]

Just wanted to update the previous thread…

I’m about to get on the train home after lovely weekend with my sister. I’m more certain now of my boundaries and what I will and won’t accept. I expect this will lead to the end of the marriage.

DP called me this morning and said he was “so tired, with another full on day”. He’s taken DSD AGAIN to his gym for 3 hours and will be going to take her again tonight for 2 hours as I’m “not back in time”.

Youd think for one weekend he’d have sacked off the gym. Poor DSD.

When I was sick after Christmas, he spent everyday in doors with her. Didn’t take her the park, shops, walk, play centres, swimming - no where. Because I was not doing it too!

Im having a conversation with him tonight about our future. Feeling ok about it but also prepared for some backlash… coming back here to keep me focused!

Would love an update too

Sorry for the lack of update, it’s been hectic.

DH is still here, I’m still in the spare room. Hes theatrically “sold” his business and wants to work on the marriage. I’ve told him we don’t have a good enough foundation to do that. He’s suggested couples counselling, I’ve said no.

i don’t know who said it, but I do think he’s realising what he’s lost now - someone who loves his daughter and accepts they come as a pair! DSD is here too, I’ve been normal with her. DH actually hasn’t guilted me in terms of me “leaving” DSD, which I thought he would do.

He’s not been angry. Lots of tears, words of regret, wanting to be close… lots of talk about about being a selfish husband (wonder if he’s read this thread?)

im very headstrong. When I know what I want to do, I don’t change my mind. I don’t feel anything would improve and stayed improved. Sad really, but I don’t feel sad (yet?)

Just hugs, you gave it your all but he just took and took and you’ve drawn the line.

Thank you for the update. You sound strong and resolute.

You have done so much for him and his daughter, it’s a shame he couldn’t appreciate it at the time, I admire your resolve now, good for you.

Well done you. I can’t see any way back - he has neglected his daughter terribly and abused your kindness. There’s no coming back from that. He won’t change. He just may temporarily improve but he’ll revert to type.

So he owned that hes been selfish - has he owned that hes been a really shit dad? Im interested in knowing if he has self-reflected and realised that at least. I think thats important.

I admire your resolve. You sound done regardless. If I were you I wouldn't be able to trust him not to return to type, so how could you ever have children with him now?

You are not sad because you have been quietly grieving for a while.
He didn't want to be with either of you while he had his ego stroked at the gym.
You have seen the real him.
Selfish, shallow, a shit father whose own mother refuses to be involved because she has had enough of being used.
He is a user.
You see what a loser he is.
This marriage ending is confirmation of his failure as a man, father and husband.
A decent man would have cherished that you were so prepared to be involved.
But no, he learned nothing from his mother's withdrawal.
He just moved on to the next kind woman to use.

He's not a good man.
But YOU are a good woman.
Well done for refusing to settle for him.
He has shown you just who he really is, and now you can't unsee it.
Stay strong.
Trust your gut on this.

Hes theatrically “sold” his business

Since Monday?!

Quite.... He's realised what he has to lose and giving you what he thinks will get you to stay.

Stick to your guns, these are all ploys to get you back to behaving yourself, when he will almost certainly start it all over again.

You are free now, make the most of it. Good luck with your new life!

P.S. does he think you are stupid, that he could have sold any business in this space of time, never mind one that's never made a profit and is as common as muck!.

Good to hear from you OP. Be prepared for when he realises this isn't working. He could turn very nasty. Have you started making plans to leave?

That is the sad thing a lot of men don't realise until it's too late.

That once women's feelings switch off, nothing switches them on again. We warn, try, and then if that is ignored and disrespected - we are done.

More fool him. I doubt that he will find another person who loves and cares for his daughter as much as you have shown you do @seasonofthebitch

How has he sold a business that makes him £0? 🤣

The sadness will come but you are doing the right things

i doubt he has sold his business /gymm

maybe you leaving means he will be a better dad to dd - till the next woman comes along

it is sad when relationships and marriages break up. No one wants it to happen but sometimes it has to

I don’t know if you want kids but you sound a fab caring step mum so if that’s what you want then hope as and when you meet a nice man @seasonofthebitch and someone who will be a good dad and husband /partner to you

Has he sold it to beg for you or also because he’s realised he needs to spend more time with his kid? That seems to have bypassed him

Selling his business (IF he actually has) will mean he can spend more time with HIS CHILD doesn't it. Which is needed since you said you won't be being default parent anymore.

Stay in the spare room, keep being clear about not being an unpaid nanny, keep going with the split. Don't sway. Also, be prepared - he will change tactics when he realises you aren't swayed and will likely get angry or mean.

Like fuck has he sold a business in a few days.

He is trying to suck you back in. I guarantee than in a few months he will go back to normal

His anger will come if his mr nice guy act doesnt work btw

I was thinking this too - when he realises you’re not changing your mind, be prepared for him turning nasty. Stay strong & don’t be surprised if the sadness comes - you’re allowed to grieve for the future you imagined you would have now that you know it’s definitely gone, as well as for DSD who I’m sure you will miss.

Onto bigger & better things, for the future you deserve.

100%

Sold the business my arse. Who bought the profit free zone from him??

He sold a business that made no profit at all in 2 or 3 days.

Sure Jan. 🙄

He's changed his tune temporarily because he's losing his daughter's nanny. Get your ducks in order, his about face is going to feel nasty especially after a bit of love bombing.

I think your husband is a deadbeat piece of shit and you'll be better off without him.

Just thank goodness you’re ‘ok’. Glad he’s considered sensible things like putting people before money! Good luck in whatever you chose to do - above all, don’t forget yourself, and because I’m a good 20
uears older than you,
ensure you’re investing in your future so you can get your career and pension sorted as well as your life wishes

There wasn't a business to sell, which is why he can say that.