Dh always irritated by Dd

[Nowheretoputallthetoys]

She is 7 and possibly Nd. She’s an amazing girl-bright, kind, fun, excitable, but she can be intense and very hyper at times.
Dh just can’t seem to accept her being herself, always telling her to calm down or stop running around, always to just sit down, even when she’s just playing. I said to him she’s just a child, only 7 and to get off her case basically. He has zero patience and reacts strongly almost straightaway sometimes. She can be impulsive and threw part of her banana on the floor and the skin over the sofa and laughed-yes v annoying and I told her to pick it up which she did. Dh just walking past, pulling awful faces, shaking his head, tutting etc, just creating an atmosphere where we can’t relax

Am I in the wrong here?

Because it’s brain inflammation so she cannot help it, would you be angry with someone with a health condition that affected them behaviourally, would that be fair?

Whats the point if he will be shut down on it.
And constantly hearing she can't help it she as SEN.
Tbh I'd give up aswell.

She's not diagnosed with ND though, correct?
You seem to start from knowing she can't help it but you don't know what causes it. Which means you don't know if it's caused by a condition or she's just used to being naughty and not being told off...

Wouldn't you at least try to channel some of the behaviours into something less annoying?

For example I keep a bit of the house clear enough to run up and down in. I don't try to stop DC running about but I insist that they do it there rather than throwing my hands up because they can't help it.

When she is not ill, she doesn’t do this, she learnt from a young age not to do it and knew/knows it’s not correct. She’s not in control when ill

*Act like a twat…wow.

Literally every poster has said you need to actually parent your child which includes discipline! Time to pull your head out your arse and rectify this behaviour before it gets worse.

Yes, she has Pans

Nothing in the way you’ve posted has given a tone of anything seeming difficult in your eyes aside from your husband’s behaviour? And you’ve been very defensive - I’m assuming you thought we’d all just agree with you that he was in fact a dick and weren’t prepared for how this has gone
We started at ‘ she’s not diagnosed but may be ND’ to ‘she has brain inflammation which is the definite cause’
Quite the drip feed and the reason for the way this has gone

No, I know that it’s caused by Pp. She may be Nd too, but she needs to get back to baseline before we assess for Nd

Her mother told her to pick the banana skin up, which she did. The father just tutted and acted visibly annoyed. He’s being totally passive.

This is what I do. I try not to shout and get cross at a child who cannot help it, she goes into the garden or I tickle and play fight with her or we go onto the fields to run with the dog. But she can have the impulsive, hyper episodes a few times a day at present

Ok I'm not sure there's much point responding or trying to offer advice as you keep changing the facts.

What you said above contradicts your other post - "She has Pp and it’s hard to know if this causes the behaviour (I definitely think so) or not."

I would seek medical advice if you're not sure what's going on.

Not changing any facts, it’s an extremely difficult thing, I appreciate it’s difficult for people to understand. I shouldn’t have posted

Then your approach is not working.

You've written that you don't want to punish, be angry with, shout at, or get cross at the child, but none of those things are good parenting, so you wouldn't need to do any of them.

That's not what what posters mean then they write about parenting and consequences.

Here we go, you’ve had all the usual responses from posters who think girls should sit down and do colouring.

It doesn’t matter if she’s badly behaved or well behaved or NT or Rainman’s more autistic child, she has a right to exist without constant disapproval, face pulling, and nit picking from the man who’s supposed to have her back.

It does work as it helps her in that moment, but it gets exhausting and I need him to be able to help and try different approaches that don’t just involve shouting at an ill child who has no control over what she’s doing

My ex was like this (keyword here is ex)
he used to wish our ND eldest was born mute.
Hes a mug and she’s now old enough to have fuck all to do with him,

But is it fair to punish and give consequences to a child who cannot help their behaviour

The scientific behavioural definition of ‘working’ is that it decreases the undesirable behaviours over time.
It is in that sense that I mean it’s not working.

So sorry, that’s awful, sounds like she’s much better off without him 🌷

How do you when it’s due to pans and when it isn’t?

But nothing will decrease or stop the *Bad behaviour until she’s better. It’s not behavioural, it’s not something she can control, do you know what I mean?

Of course it it's fair to give her consequences, otherwise what's stopping her from chucking food about all the time if she knows she'll get away with it?

Pans/Pandas is a bit of a controversial diagnosis at the best of times.