To finally admit I’m so jealous!

[Jealous1n]

It makes me sick to say out loud but I am…

My friend (who is lovely) just has it all…and I’m finding it increasingly difficult.

stayed home with her dc on extended mat leaves. Works a flexible 8-4:30 role. Wfh 2-3 days a week. Is paid over 50k. Her dh has the same hours and is paid more. Good pensions and private healthcare.
Brand new house- gorgeous super efficient and warm new build!
brand new cars (bought outright)
all the mod cons, robot hoovers etc. every weekend off.
She always looks great and put together (always has i suppose)
I have never heard her say, go we at broke/skint etc. money just never seems to be an issue. We were talking about houses and I asked how much deposit they used etc as we were going to try to purchase over the next two years. They save over 2k a month. She wasn’t boasting I asked the question. We are lucky if we can save 500per month. The only difference I can see is they do go on less holidays than us. (But they go in peak time)

we have been friends since we were 8. She has never had a credit card. I know this. So no debt only mortgages.

meanwhile I’m here busting my ass in 8-12 hour shifts as a nurse! Minimum mat leaves when I had dc. My dh works long hours too. Still renting…I’m desperate to buy a new car but just can’t justify it right now.
what did we do wrong!?
I just needed a rant really.

Buying a footnote prior to having DC can make a huge difference. It’s much easier to save before DC and don’t need as big a house. What size house are you trying to buy for your first? Though saving £500 a month it shouldn’t be in achievable to buy unless you are in a very expensive area. Is there a way you can up your savings for a couple of years? Cut holidays for a bit?

@Jealous1n words were they were LUCKY if they could save 500 per month…which implies that saving 500 per month is the max and rarely happens!!

Well you “went wrong” by choosing the career you chose and spending all your money on holidays.

But you are a nurse so lots of people must be jealous of you (crap money I know but what an amazing vocation). People like me are in awe of people like you. Be proud of who you are.

You haven't 'gone wrong'!

You have a good career, you will have an excellent pension, presumably promotion /salary increase opportunities over time?

It's tough trying to get on the property ladder - you will make it one day.

These days - well done for having a stable secure job, being able to save something and being able to afford holidays!

Having close proximity to someone who is significantly the next level up is always going to cause some degree of jealousy. You just have to learn to sit with it and for it not to impede on your emotions so much.

We’re a £190k a year household. Fabulous. But BIL and SIL are £500k a year. Do I get jealous? Sure I do. But it just has to be background noise.

There will always be the next level up wherever you are.

Jealousy is a horrible trait. Concentrate on your own life. Your friend will have her struggles that you don't know about. If your saving 500 a month you're not skint.

You made different choices than she did. You are no better and no worse than her.

Some people are just very lucky.
Yes most people have to work hard and make good choices too but they’ll admit themselves that luck comes into it.

From my situation you are also very lucky and I’d be jealous of your lifestyle too.
Yes you obviously work hard and make good choices but to be able to afford a holiday every year and still save £500 a month suggests you’re more financially stable than the majority of the country.

It’s ok to say you’re jealous.
But don’t let it make you feel down about your own life.
There will always be people who have it better than you.

I don’t understand, the only difference you can see is holidays, do they not earn more? Or are you also on the same household income.

On 130k gross i wpuld be surprised if they werent getting help.

One or both of their parents are funding part of this lifestyle.

NHS pensions are generally seen as the best. I have one too.

I have pretty much the same lifestyle as the OPs friend and no parental help…what do you think they need help with?

Yes they earn more…we take in under 100k…

@SalmonOnFinnCrisp they don’t get parental help. Their parents aren’t in that position. In fact my friend had a loan the last time we spoke that she loaned her df 500quid and was asked not to tell her dm.

There are so many variables OP.

It depends what they earn. Whether they are graduates. When they had their dcs. How many dcs. If they have family help. How far they commute.

I have always earned twice or three times my dsis. We have the same background but she chose to be a nurse. She married and had dcs in her late twenties. I focused on my higher paid career, took an international job, came home in my 40s and had dc as a single mum. By then I'd paid off my mortgage. And I didn't take holidays away because I travelled all year with work.

I waited to have dc, she did it early. She had more dc than me. I chose to do it by myself. We each made choices and own them.

If she doesn't work full time now, that means 50+k is her part time salary. Pre kids she may have been on much more.

The company she works for will make a difference too. I got a ridiculously good maternity package, when compared to several of my friends. I was able to take over a year and got paid for the majority.

She works full time she just wfh 2-3 days per week…that’s they way I read it anyway.

I think timing is everything to be honest, especially with the house. We bought our first home before we had any children or pets so had much more money to save each month, we then benefitted from increase in house prices so that first house we bought for 160k with a 10% deposit sold 4 years later for 210k so straight away even discounting our deposit and payments made in those years we had an extra £50k which was a good chunk to put towards our next house.

We now have a dog and 2 children, if we had been renting all this time and were now looking to buy a house like the one we currently have we’d have needed to save around 50k for the deposit and with childcare etc to pay for, plus rent & bills, that would have been far more difficult.

If your friend stumbles across this public thread on one of the most popular parenting websites in the country, with you telling all her private business to complete strangers.

Don't you think your friendship is going to be somewhat fraught?

I think I'd feel too awkward to talk to you for a long long time.

You know an awful lot about your friend and her income and savings and working hours and just about everything @Jealous1n I have 2 close friends of many years, and don't know half as much about their finances .... and what they earn etc. Why are they telling you how much savings they have? Stop investing so much time and energy into someone else's life and business. Nothing is ever as it seems. They could be up their eyeballs in debt. OR getting their money via OnlyFans!

Also, what is this amazing job she does that pays £50K a year for half a week's work?!

.

Yes I get that but if OP is desperate to get on the property ladder then the holidays need to be curtailed

Oh I totally agree!!

I feel your pain. I also know that some people would 'kill' to have what I have.

The reality is that getting on the property ladder is really difficult and requires sacrifice, especially in today’s market.
You are barely saving anything each month but are having holidays (plural). That’s totally fine, but your priority reads like it’s holidays and spending your money - not saving for a deposit and managing your money. You mention getting a new car. Do you need a new car or do you just want to upgrade? Do you plan to buy brand new? Do you have a clear budget that you stick to as a family?

I don't get posts like this. I have friends who are multimillionaires, and I also have friends who aren't.

Life can hit disastrously and tragically at any moment. I have seen that what someone has, doesn't mean a lot in the grand scheme of life.

The fact you asked how much they save per month, plus your observations on things like a robot hoover tells me you are far too nosy invested.

Focus on your own life OP.