DH has really upset me! AIBU??

[CustartWithMustard]

I will begin by admitting I have some sort of OCD. I’m not the cleanest, tidiest person in the world, but it revolves around food hygiene and hygiene in the kitchen. When I was a child, I’d struggle to eat food if I’d seen someone touch it.

As an adult, it does affect me, but in different ways. When we go to stay with friends and family, I have to actively avoid watching them make the food because when I’m there, I notice everything, and I have seen some disgusting things over the years that I think other people just aren’t picking up on, but I’m hyper aware. For instance, people licking their fingers whilst preparing food, sweating, tasting their cooking and putting the spoon back in, even someone’s dogs licking the dishes as they load them in the dish washer… actually being allowed to!!!!

Anyway, I struggle watching DH in the kitchen, which I appreciate isn’t nice for him. He is cleaner than many people, but will sometimes put something in the bin, touching the bin lid and then go straight over to handle the food. Maybe others are okay with this, but it grosses me out.

Tonight, DH was in the kitchen whilst I unloaded the dishwasher. He said he was going to help me, I said, “I’ll just unload the dishes because you’ve just touched the bin.” I appreciate I must sound like a lunatic by now, but anyway, DH got really annoyed and was speaking to me in a really angry way in front of the kids who are 12 and 11. I asked him to please stop but he kept going. DD’s were already leaving the room when it started but they left and he continued on at me saying “stop being a total psychopath!!!”

I know I’m totally flawed and at fault, but I’ve been having trouble with the way my DD’s talk to me, and I really wanted him to stop because in my opinion, this just gives the the green light to speak to me badly!

Ive finished up with the dishwasher and have comes upstairs to bed. I’ve had such a hard day with the girls and now this. I know you’ll all probably say it’s me, but I’m just so sad and feel alone, I’m willing to take the risk of getting totally flamed, just to offload.

Your poor children - please go and get some help before you give them a lifetime of issues. This is bordering on abuse.

The food standard agency specifically says that they're there to provide guidance for businesses. Do you think they're lying when they say that?

No it’s not.

Most family kitchens don’t require you to wear an apron, or wear a hair net, or fill out a daily diary, to cover your cuts with blue plasters, to take off jewellery, to tie your hair back etc etc

Thank fuck there are some people that get it.

That's the advice for a commercial business, not a family kitchen.

Do any of you with issues around bins and food etc. hygiene ever eat out in a restaurant or get a take away? If you do, you have no idea what goes on behind the kitchen doors there and same applies to hotels, AI, and so on.

But maybe you cook and prepare everything in your own kitchen only. Which is an issue aswell, unless you can't afford to have a meal out, which is understandable these days.

Your dh's reaction makes me wonder how often you are commenting on what he does in the kitchen. It's almost like he reached the end of his tether.
Has he been subjected to this kind of thing on a daily basis for over 12 years? Because constant nit picking is miserable to be around.

Or is he just at the end of is tether with it all?

I do not have ocd. But I would not touch anything clean after touching a bin until I'd washed my hands. This feels like basic hygiene to me. I do sometimes have to overlook other people's hygiene habits though, otherwise I'd come across as nuts 😜 yanbu

Washing hands after putting something in the bin is standard hygiene. Do people really think that it isn’t?

Mind you it’s hardly surprising given the majority of the public had to actively be told to wash their hands after going to the toilet during COVID.

Oh I'm sorry, are business bins different to family bins?
Do only business bins contain pathogens?
🤣🤣🤣

I’m not saying he was right to react the way he did but I would find it very, very hard to live with this.

I think you need to take every treatment going to try to combat this and actively check yourself from these impulses.

I've just had a quick look at the FSA website and it says you should wash your hands after emptying a bin. Maybe I've missed something so can you highlight where it says you should wash your hands after just putting stuff in a bin? And/or where it says that their guidance is aimed at home kitchens rather than just businesses?

Do you follow all the FSA advice then?

Take off all your jewellery including your earrings?
Use a hairnet on your (tied up) hair?
Wear an apron every time you prepare any food?
Use blue plasters to cover any injuries?
Keep a diary of everything you've cooked, the times and temperatures?

I personally never touch my bin unless I'm changing the bin bag - I'm not sure why you are? Seems a bit weird 😂

Where did I say that you need to wash your hands after putting something in a bin? Please show me, because I didn't.

You already know you have an issue around food hygiene, which does sound like it may be worth getting some help for.

But your partner should never call you a psychopath, let alone in front of the children. What is that teaching your girls about relationships and what to accept from men?

That's what the entire OP was about...

You haven't answered the question there have you, just tried to deflect with nonsense 🙄

The flip side of that is - what is OP's constant nitpicking and criticising teaching her girls about relationships?

Yes. The bins in commercial kitchens are different. I can open my kitchen bin just by touching it with my elbow.

No, she said he'd touched the bin, not simply dropped something in it...

It's not nonsense.

If the FSA advice around bins is so important, why aren't you following all of it?

I personally never touch my bin unless I'm changing the bin bag- I'm not sure why you are? Seems a bit weird 😂

Same , think people need to get new kitchen bins 🤣

That is exactly what the post you were agreeing with said. Did you not read it?

No, she just wanted to be all indignant 😂