Am I being overly suspicious of my DD13?

[Notenoughsleeptoday]

A week ago DD13 announced at dinner that she would be going to the town next to us (10 minutes away by train) with her friends, but instead of saying the name of that town, I heard her say 'London' (which is an hour away). I said "London?!" and she said that she didn't say London but said the name of the town next to us. The town name is nothing like London. My husband insisted that she said the name of the town and I thought it was a bit odd, but dismissed it as my mistake. My husband now admits that he wasn't actually listening to the conversation.

Yesterday I asked her if she wanted me to buy the train tickets but she said her friend's mum is buying it. This seemed feasible as an adult travelling with a child, the child's ticket is only £1, whereas buying it alone is more expensive.

This morning she left for the town with her friends from school, which I've never met - I don't know any of her school friends. My husband dropped her off and said that she had got the time wrong and that's why her friends weren't there, but they'll be arriving soon.

This afternoon she text me to say that the shops weren't accepting her card and it might be because she doesn't have enough money, so could I transfer £60 and she'll pay me back. I text back asking why she wants so much money and then I checked her location, she was in Stratford. It's quite out of character for her to lie about where she was going especially as I would have let her go anyway if there was an adult present and also I've never known her to want to spend so much money, so I asked her to phone me to check it was really her. She called and insisted that she needed £60 for some really cute boots and although she has that much in cash, the shop only accepts card. I agreed and put £65 on her card. She then went to Zara and spent £35, not £60. I text to ask why she asked for £60 for boots and she said that they must have been reduced at the till. I asked why she lied about where she was going and she said that Stratford and our local town sound similar and she got them mixed up.

She then text to say her card wasn't working again - it is a bit of a crap bank and the card often fails - and she couldn't buy lunch as everywhere they have tried is card only. I told her to give the cash to a friend or the mum and they pay for the food, but she said that they won't do that. I can't imagine a mum being pointlessly difficult and letting a child go hungry.

Any of these alone, I wouldn't have even noticed, but everything together is seeming a bit suspicious. Her accidentally saying London and then coincidentally going to London, her not needing me to buy the ticket to the local town, her arriving at the station at the wrong time so my husband couldn't actually see her friends or the mum, her requesting huge amounts of money for boots and then only spending half of it, the mum happily paying for her train ticket but letting her go hungry by not accepting cash from my daughter and paying by card.

Or maybe I'm just being over the top.

Any pictures on social media that might tell you where she really is? My DD told us she was going shopping on the train with pals, made up really great reasons for us not to take her to the station, left the house at a silly early hour to avoid us. Turns out she was going to that same town but to meet boyfriend. There were subsequent photos of her at his mums house on SM. She regretted it after a good conversation.

She’s lying because there’s probably no adult with them and she knows she wouldn’t be allowed to go.

There’s no way a mum was with them

i thik you need to enable traxking on her phone

It’s not beyond the realms of possibility though. I wouldn’t be so relaxed about it if it were my child. It’s unlikely but there are predators out there that groom young girls online and try and get them to meet up with them. While it’s highly unlikely, parents need to be aware of these risks. Especially with social media, smart phones etc.

So glad this ended well… we all like to think we can trust our children. My child is no way having any sort of leeway. I know what used to get up too and I read and watch so much happening the world. Truth is at that age they have started secondary school, we no longer know the friends/mums/dads. Communication breaks down. I don’t worry so much about my daughter but the acquaintances they keep. What’s ok for one family may not be ok for the next. Social media is a major worry to not know who they are messaging or meeting. It’s best to prey and question EVERYTHING, if something doesn’t feel right ITS NOT!

I lived near Startford and it’s proper rough (a world away from nice West London suburbs and the pretty countryside). Someone who grew up in East London will be probably more streetwise than someone from the country and I would worry about her safety especially that she is not being honest

For DD it sounds more a lesson in getting facts right and understanding how vagueness can look to a trusted person. Its a tightrope for you as over suspicion in itself can lead to lying and hiding things from you. You admitted any of these could be honest mistakes in themselves and hopefully thats turned out to be the case.

Since you can track her, I’d be getting in my car and going to Westfield if I were you. I’m already frantically worried and annoyed on your behalf.
plede let us know she’s safe and sound and what her story was.
She has lied to you and so all privileges need to be withdrawn,

County lines?

You'd be mad to just brush this under the carpet and move on IMHO. She lied about where she was and all you did was send her money and give her a lift from the station??

You might want to read the thread. She's fine.

Same to everyone else charging in about drugs and boys

My DD is the same age and we've just got a Revolut card because HyperJar is so shit. I'm convinced it was taking her money and then I saw the balance go down and I 100% know she didn't spend anything because I was in the same cafe with her and she didn't go to the counter. So definitely get rid of HyperJar.

When it comes to the lying, those are the sorts of suspicious things my DD would say to me and being detective minded I wouldn't have just assumed she was telling the truth. I would have done some digging. My DD knows I can read her messages any time I like and I would have done this on this occasion.

If DD said she was going to a town and ended up in a city there would be consequences. I know they get annoyed with us because we stifle their freedom but we do it because we know what the real world is like.

What are you going to say to her?

Sorry but I think youre mad letting your daughter go to another town at 13. I also would have not let her go unless I had confirmation from the mum that she's going via text. You're too trusting and kids lie. I've got a 15 year old and I check everything before I let him go anywhere. Dont care if im embarrassing to him.

i grew up on the outskirts of London and at 13 often went ‘up to town’ with friends - in a group, or 2s or 3s. It was good for learning life skills - getting the tube and buses and working our way to different places. Part of growing into an adult. No mobile phones, google maps, Citymapper or find my phone. Checked the A-Z before going . Both my kids did the same at that age, similarly barely equipped with mobiles.

She just needs to tell you next time she and friends go. Of course they will be safe - if you create the circumstances for open and safe communications and trust her judgement. Really important for her growing up independent, confident and wise.

As soon as you said, "dodgy card that fails all the time" I absolutely knew it would be Hyperjar! My DTs had loads of issues with theirs, though mostly sorted now and they also now have another bank account. And yes, it was very painful persuading them to go to town to open it!!

I don't actually understand why she wouldn't just ask to go to London, so I'm still really curious.

But on the plus side, she has friends, she is confident enough to navigate London (I'm northern, never go to London and would find it hugely intimidating), she replied to texts. Could all be way worse IMO.

My DD15 can't do any of that!

I don't think there is a mother and friends, I think she's gone to meet a boy she's met online or something similar. To be a good liar you have to have a good memory,which your daughter clearly hasn't!!
I would haul her home, give her a good talking too,but first tell her to swallow a truth pill! Then there needs to be some consequences for her actions

Always confirm with other parent about these sort of outings. She's only 13 but imagines she's all grown up. She will obviously become even more devious but so will you. It'll pass & she will tell you horror stories about all the times you didn't catch her out. I know - I (& several other women I know) was that Mother 🙂

I’m surprised your DH didn’t wait at the station to make sure she met with ‘said’ friends.

The mistake in this situation was the one made by your DH. He should not have left her at the station alone - he should only have left once the others (and the mum) turned up. That way, all this worry would have been avoided.

The OP posted this yesterday lunchtime - she's back now.

Glad she is safe but my worry would have been that she was meeting an older boy / man that she met on the internet. FWIW when I was 13 (and looked much older) I went on holiday with a friend and her parents. The parents were incredibly lax and let us do whatever we wanted, including underage drinking and staying out all night in the resort with older men. It was kind of shocking, looking back, and there's no way my parents would have suspected it.

I take it you haven’t been to Stratford Station. It is huge with multiple entrances and exits DLR Tubes Overgound and rail networks each with multiple platforms.and lines
Equally Westfields isn’t some indoor shopping centre that also is spread out and with huge shops and unless you know exactly where someone is you could easily miss them.

always remember what Judge Judy says about teenagers. When they open their mouth, they are lying.
Though looking back 50-odd years to my own teenage years, it feels more like I wanted to be my own person and probably was not very good at it at 13!
So I reckon clear as day she was lying and making a real mess of. Probably would have liked to have been caught out and ‘rescued’.
don’t give her a hard time- just letting her be aware that you know may prevent more outlandish attempts at deception but don’t humiliate her by public questioning!
she sounds quite fun and creative- would love to meet her!

I wouldn’t be happy about vague plans and not knowing exactly who she was with at 13.
She’s also old enough for a proper account and card, I’d sort that as a priority.

My friend had similar so left it for ten minutes then text the daughter with “police has put out a newsflash. Please urgently locate your children as reports of a kidnapping has happened. Child is a girl between 12-17 years old. Ask child to send a picture of her friends or video call urgently. If they can’t please urgently call police with last known location” his daughter video called and was out with a young lad who happened to be one of his employees son and she was scared her father would say something. All innocent, but taught her not to lie.