Am I being overly suspicious of my DD13?

[Notenoughsleeptoday]

A week ago DD13 announced at dinner that she would be going to the town next to us (10 minutes away by train) with her friends, but instead of saying the name of that town, I heard her say 'London' (which is an hour away). I said "London?!" and she said that she didn't say London but said the name of the town next to us. The town name is nothing like London. My husband insisted that she said the name of the town and I thought it was a bit odd, but dismissed it as my mistake. My husband now admits that he wasn't actually listening to the conversation.

Yesterday I asked her if she wanted me to buy the train tickets but she said her friend's mum is buying it. This seemed feasible as an adult travelling with a child, the child's ticket is only £1, whereas buying it alone is more expensive.

This morning she left for the town with her friends from school, which I've never met - I don't know any of her school friends. My husband dropped her off and said that she had got the time wrong and that's why her friends weren't there, but they'll be arriving soon.

This afternoon she text me to say that the shops weren't accepting her card and it might be because she doesn't have enough money, so could I transfer £60 and she'll pay me back. I text back asking why she wants so much money and then I checked her location, she was in Stratford. It's quite out of character for her to lie about where she was going especially as I would have let her go anyway if there was an adult present and also I've never known her to want to spend so much money, so I asked her to phone me to check it was really her. She called and insisted that she needed £60 for some really cute boots and although she has that much in cash, the shop only accepts card. I agreed and put £65 on her card. She then went to Zara and spent £35, not £60. I text to ask why she asked for £60 for boots and she said that they must have been reduced at the till. I asked why she lied about where she was going and she said that Stratford and our local town sound similar and she got them mixed up.

She then text to say her card wasn't working again - it is a bit of a crap bank and the card often fails - and she couldn't buy lunch as everywhere they have tried is card only. I told her to give the cash to a friend or the mum and they pay for the food, but she said that they won't do that. I can't imagine a mum being pointlessly difficult and letting a child go hungry.

Any of these alone, I wouldn't have even noticed, but everything together is seeming a bit suspicious. Her accidentally saying London and then coincidentally going to London, her not needing me to buy the ticket to the local town, her arriving at the station at the wrong time so my husband couldn't actually see her friends or the mum, her requesting huge amounts of money for boots and then only spending half of it, the mum happily paying for her train ticket but letting her go hungry by not accepting cash from my daughter and paying by card.

Or maybe I'm just being over the top.

I’m glad she is home safe

After reading this thread, I can see why a lot of teenagers feel the need to lie to their parents. Contacting police, safeguarding lead and shopping centre security have all been suggested! Really? If you respond with this level of drama, they'll never tell you anything.

Omg she lied so many times.
Of course she planned to go to London, there was no mum, she just went with friends, and she spent cash on something you shouldn’t see like vaping.

I can’t believe you would let a 13 year old to go to a neighbouring town with some people you never met and your DH would just leave her at the station alone.
she is taking you two for mugs.

i would ground for lying and watch her like a hawk after that.

I agree. Major bollocking, Grounding for 2 weeks and no pocket money for a while would be sufficient. And then lots of checks where she is until she earns trust back

btw what she did was really unsafe.

Jeez. This is an overreaction. The child has been in contact during the course of the day and is home safe. Probably wanted a bit of a rebellious day away from the norm (as all teenagers want) and did so with friends.

This website makes me think that everyone has forgotten their teenage years and lack of smartphones / traceability. How do you think our parents felt when we left the house without sharing our locations or constantly being in touch?? We learnt from our experiences and largely turned out ok!

Why did her dad not stay and wait until "friends" arrived at meeting place?

She out in London at 13 ? Very dangerous. You need to show more caution. This is neglect.

Catch a hold of yourself.

This is insane. How do you think children in London get to school, for instance? They go out on their own. In London. It's not dangerous.

OP would you mind just clarifying, did the Mum actually go with them, as you said that when your DD got off the train she was with two girls who you didn't know, and then you said you spoke to the Mum, and she told you they'd had a great time. You could presumably have spoken to her if she was with them at the station, but from the way it's written, I got the impression she wasn't and that you phoned and spoke to her afterwards?? Which was it?

She’s 100% lying to you and I know because I was that girl, 13 years old, lying to my parents and going half way up the country and getting up to all sorts.

I am now that mum who checks her kids phone, tracks them and no way in hell would I allow my 13 year old daughter to go a day out with a group of girls I’ve never met.

I wish my parents had been more proactive in their parenting and done more to keep me safe. I was only a child. Feral, but still a child.

I think you need to rethink things and get a grip on the situation before things could
get out of hand. The world is a lot scarier now than it was then, and I’m lucky to be alive if I’m honest.

She is definitely up to something….at the very least her and her friends have gone alone and they have all told their parents someone else’s mum is going with them when in fact no adult is present, I think we all did that at some point as teenagers…that’s why she got your husband to drop her at the station at the wrong time so he wouldn’t see their was no adult present.

one thing I do find strange is that you don’t know any of her friends…..which I’m guessing means you don’t know any of their parents or their contact details?

Yeah she’s lying through her teeth 🙈😂

Got to love a tryer though 😬

This literally sounds like me when I was a teenager, I’m 29 now and look back and think surely my mum didn’t believe a word I said about where I was going.

I don’t want to worry you but whenever I lied about where I was going and would make up imaginary friends to her, 9 times out of 10 it was to meet a boy. That’s not to say that’s what she’s doing but I knew my mum would say absolutely not so I would lie instead.

I agree with this.

A 13 year old doesn’t just ‘announce at dinner’ that she’s going somewhere and demand money for it.

You patent her and decide if she can go or not.

So your 13 years old get bank cards with that much money, boots buying because there are cute and send off to random towns with unchecked friends. Yes, no wonder

So the mum was there with them?

I always insist on getting the parents number so I can text beforehand. My DD was at a party last weekend and asked for a sleepover but I got the mother's number and texted to check it was okay (I've met the mother just didnt have the number). I lmow what I was like as a teenager (wild) so safest to check

Thankfully all ended well.
FWIW There is absolutely no way I would allow a child of 13 to travel to another town unless I was 100% happy with every detail. On this occasion it would have involved a facetime conversation with the mother accompanying them & a detailed explanation of the itinery & expected times of travel. Also the full names of the friends going along.
You may ask at what age would I feel less inclined to have every detail. The answer is while under 18 & still living in the family home. Any older & still living at home I would expect to be given a basic idea of plans eg going away with boyfriend to London & staying with his parents for 2 nights so don't expect me back tonight. Again this is only if still living at home.

Yes sounds like bullshit to me.
.I was a wayward teen and this sounds like something ai would have done.
She went to London, there were no parents involved.
Once when I was about 14, I told my parents I was staying at a friends house. Dad dropped me and I knocked on her door, she let me in, I went staight out her backdoor and hid in a carpark until it got dark, she then sneaked out her window at about 11pm and we went to london on the bus whixh took an hour, went to a club, rode the nightbus home. She sneaked me into her garage and went back in her window about 5am.
Her mum found me asleep in the garage in the morning when she went to put washing on and we told her I had run away from home and she let me stay and her mum had a go at her for making me sleep in the garage.
Called my parents who came to get me and then I was grounded for ages!!
So yes teens make up elaborate lies and go places they shouldnt.

she didn't say she didn't know ANY of her friends, she said she didn't kniw any of her friends going today. Perfectly normal for 13 year old s hook friend she nay gave jyst base since September.

You don't have teenagers yet I assume.

She also recognised them from photos when she got off the train, she was with who she said she was

When I was in secondary school, I was 10 minutes late back from the place I said I was going to (local town.) I was grounded for one month. This wasn’t right, I didn’t mean to be 10 minutes late. I did my very best.

But, if I had lied like this, god, I’d probably not have lived or been grounded for 6 months +

Maybe they did what must teens do if 'taken' by an adult, go their own way & agree to meet at x at y time.

its the norm.

13? My sibling tried this and when my mother got a sense something was up, she didn't leave the train station before seeing the people she was going with. Then my sib had to come clean that he was actually meeting and going with someone entirely different to what he'd told them. Lying isn't on so he was brought right back home and grounded. Never did it again.