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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I being overly suspicious of my DD13?

356 replies

Notenoughsleeptoday · 17/01/2026 13:28

A week ago DD13 announced at dinner that she would be going to the town next to us (10 minutes away by train) with her friends, but instead of saying the name of that town, I heard her say 'London' (which is an hour away). I said "London?!" and she said that she didn't say London but said the name of the town next to us. The town name is nothing like London. My husband insisted that she said the name of the town and I thought it was a bit odd, but dismissed it as my mistake. My husband now admits that he wasn't actually listening to the conversation.

Yesterday I asked her if she wanted me to buy the train tickets but she said her friend's mum is buying it. This seemed feasible as an adult travelling with a child, the child's ticket is only £1, whereas buying it alone is more expensive.

This morning she left for the town with her friends from school, which I've never met - I don't know any of her school friends. My husband dropped her off and said that she had got the time wrong and that's why her friends weren't there, but they'll be arriving soon.

This afternoon she text me to say that the shops weren't accepting her card and it might be because she doesn't have enough money, so could I transfer £60 and she'll pay me back. I text back asking why she wants so much money and then I checked her location, she was in Stratford. It's quite out of character for her to lie about where she was going especially as I would have let her go anyway if there was an adult present and also I've never known her to want to spend so much money, so I asked her to phone me to check it was really her. She called and insisted that she needed £60 for some really cute boots and although she has that much in cash, the shop only accepts card. I agreed and put £65 on her card. She then went to Zara and spent £35, not £60. I text to ask why she asked for £60 for boots and she said that they must have been reduced at the till. I asked why she lied about where she was going and she said that Stratford and our local town sound similar and she got them mixed up.

She then text to say her card wasn't working again - it is a bit of a crap bank and the card often fails - and she couldn't buy lunch as everywhere they have tried is card only. I told her to give the cash to a friend or the mum and they pay for the food, but she said that they won't do that. I can't imagine a mum being pointlessly difficult and letting a child go hungry.

Any of these alone, I wouldn't have even noticed, but everything together is seeming a bit suspicious. Her accidentally saying London and then coincidentally going to London, her not needing me to buy the ticket to the local town, her arriving at the station at the wrong time so my husband couldn't actually see her friends or the mum, her requesting huge amounts of money for boots and then only spending half of it, the mum happily paying for her train ticket but letting her go hungry by not accepting cash from my daughter and paying by card.

Or maybe I'm just being over the top.

OP posts:
DallasMajor · 17/01/2026 18:07

Andepeda · 17/01/2026 17:43

None of this makes much sense to me, what was the point of lying?Confused

It's developmental, part of growing up (for some)

It isn't unusual to not know secondary school friends.

DallasMajor · 17/01/2026 18:07

ForNoisyCat · 17/01/2026 18:04

I’d suggest yiu chat with her schools safeguarding officer. To let the SO be aware and to ask if the SO can arrange for the parents to all meet. Tho it’s possible she met a bit/man in London snd not her friends. Either, I think her schools needs to know so they can support, gather info, advise etc.

What?

TimeForATerf · 17/01/2026 18:08

DallasMajor · 17/01/2026 18:07

What?

🤣 quite!

Andepeda · 17/01/2026 18:11

DallasMajor · 17/01/2026 18:07

It's developmental, part of growing up (for some)

It isn't unusual to not know secondary school friends.

Yes, but she was actually going out with 2 friends and a mum, why lie?

OP would have been fine with that surely.

CremeCarmel · 17/01/2026 18:12

Notenoughsleeptoday · 17/01/2026 16:43

I'm not being selective about what I answer, I was waiting at the station when I went on MN and saw that message which was easy to respond to, so I quickly answered that one. I didn't call the mum because there was no guarantee that the person on the other end of the phone would be the mum anyway.

I was there when they got off the train and she was with two teenagaers who I don't particularly know but have seen photos of from pictures she has taken at school and when she's gone to town, birthday parties etc. I spoke to the mum who said they had a lovely time. I haven't had chance to discuss the details of everything with DD, but i am satisfied that she was with who she said she was with and I know the location (for those saying that she could have been anywhere) because her phone is tracked.

This is good to hear. It’s amazing how invested one gets with these threads.

Andepeda · 17/01/2026 18:12

Some posters are not reading the latest update.

MassiveBackstory · 17/01/2026 18:16

Sorry, she’s 13?! I’m sorry OP but you’re not being overly suspicious, you’re being insufficiently protective.

umberellaonesie · 17/01/2026 18:17

I might have missed something but

  1. she did lie about where she was?
  2. she lied by omission about who she was with?
  3. she was cagey about what she was spending money on, money she required from you? 4)she wasn't willing to ask her 'friends' or the adult with them to help when her card didn't work but she had cash? Or her 'friends' or the adult weren't willing to help her? A conversation about you knowing where she is who she is with at a minimum and if she were mine if she isn't comfortable to ask for help they aren't friends to go on a big trip with. And a new proper bank account if she is going to venturing further afield. That would be the conditions of having more freedom. Trust is built it doesn't appear from nothing
Satisfiedwithanapple · 17/01/2026 18:26

DallasMajor · 17/01/2026 18:07

It's developmental, part of growing up (for some)

It isn't unusual to not know secondary school friends.

I’d say it is. And my 14 year old goes to a school where she knew no one before and we live way out of catchment. But she talks about her mates and I’ve met them.

Keepingthingsinteresting · 17/01/2026 18:28

Tink3rbell30 · 17/01/2026 14:23

It's extremely obvious what she is up to.

would you like to share with the rest of us?

Satisfiedwithanapple · 17/01/2026 18:31

Keepingthingsinteresting · 17/01/2026 18:28

would you like to share with the rest of us?

It is bizarre the numbers people can make 2+2 equal.

This like most of the threads on Mumsnet can be summarised with ‘you have a DH problem’

Bepo77 · 17/01/2026 18:33

HarvestMouseandGoldenCups · 17/01/2026 17:56

A friend of mine first did Ecstasy and weed at 12. MDMA and cocaine at 13. She’s a social worker now and very normal but yes… some 13 year olds do drugs.

This was me too, to be honest that's what I'd assumed until I saw the update

Cantfindafreeusername · 17/01/2026 18:34

Your child is quite clearly NOT with another child’s parent!! She is probably with a boy and they wanted to go to lunch or cinema or something at Stratford. Away from there home town so that other kids/parents didn’t see them. Yes she has lied but we all did stuff like this when we were younger. It’s just sad now that we are tracked to high heaven and can’t get away with anything.

diddl · 17/01/2026 18:38

Your child is quite clearly NOT with another child’s parent!!

And yet according to Op's update she was.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/01/2026 18:40

Glad it all worked out.
The behaviour was cagey, though.
You were absolutely right to be concerned.

NettleTea · 17/01/2026 18:43

shame on that mum not feeding her though

Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/01/2026 18:47

Cantfindafreeusername · 17/01/2026 18:34

Your child is quite clearly NOT with another child’s parent!! She is probably with a boy and they wanted to go to lunch or cinema or something at Stratford. Away from there home town so that other kids/parents didn’t see them. Yes she has lied but we all did stuff like this when we were younger. It’s just sad now that we are tracked to high heaven and can’t get away with anything.

Read the update?

Pixiedust49 · 17/01/2026 18:48

I lied about everything at that age even when there was absolutely no need. Haven’t a clue why. I wasn’t even doing anything particularly bad I just didn’t want my parents to know. I grew out of it.

diddl · 17/01/2026 18:55

NettleTea · 17/01/2026 18:43

shame on that mum not feeding her though

Perhaps they were left alone all day & only met the mum again to come home?

Member984815 · 17/01/2026 19:01

diddl · 17/01/2026 18:55

Perhaps they were left alone all day & only met the mum again to come home?

I'd say the mom let them off to enjoy themselves on their own . I'm glad your dd is OK op, but she still lied and I'd be making her aware that that will have consequences. I'd also want to know why she lied

Hereagain2 · 17/01/2026 19:01

If she was up to no good you wouldn’t have heard from her all day.

Pyjamatimenow · 17/01/2026 19:04

I wouldn’t have let her go unless I’d spoken to the mum myself.

LucyLoo1972 · 17/01/2026 19:08

Notenoughsleeptoday · 17/01/2026 13:28

A week ago DD13 announced at dinner that she would be going to the town next to us (10 minutes away by train) with her friends, but instead of saying the name of that town, I heard her say 'London' (which is an hour away). I said "London?!" and she said that she didn't say London but said the name of the town next to us. The town name is nothing like London. My husband insisted that she said the name of the town and I thought it was a bit odd, but dismissed it as my mistake. My husband now admits that he wasn't actually listening to the conversation.

Yesterday I asked her if she wanted me to buy the train tickets but she said her friend's mum is buying it. This seemed feasible as an adult travelling with a child, the child's ticket is only £1, whereas buying it alone is more expensive.

This morning she left for the town with her friends from school, which I've never met - I don't know any of her school friends. My husband dropped her off and said that she had got the time wrong and that's why her friends weren't there, but they'll be arriving soon.

This afternoon she text me to say that the shops weren't accepting her card and it might be because she doesn't have enough money, so could I transfer £60 and she'll pay me back. I text back asking why she wants so much money and then I checked her location, she was in Stratford. It's quite out of character for her to lie about where she was going especially as I would have let her go anyway if there was an adult present and also I've never known her to want to spend so much money, so I asked her to phone me to check it was really her. She called and insisted that she needed £60 for some really cute boots and although she has that much in cash, the shop only accepts card. I agreed and put £65 on her card. She then went to Zara and spent £35, not £60. I text to ask why she asked for £60 for boots and she said that they must have been reduced at the till. I asked why she lied about where she was going and she said that Stratford and our local town sound similar and she got them mixed up.

She then text to say her card wasn't working again - it is a bit of a crap bank and the card often fails - and she couldn't buy lunch as everywhere they have tried is card only. I told her to give the cash to a friend or the mum and they pay for the food, but she said that they won't do that. I can't imagine a mum being pointlessly difficult and letting a child go hungry.

Any of these alone, I wouldn't have even noticed, but everything together is seeming a bit suspicious. Her accidentally saying London and then coincidentally going to London, her not needing me to buy the ticket to the local town, her arriving at the station at the wrong time so my husband couldn't actually see her friends or the mum, her requesting huge amounts of money for boots and then only spending half of it, the mum happily paying for her train ticket but letting her go hungry by not accepting cash from my daughter and paying by card.

Or maybe I'm just being over the top.

I think you are very generous giving he all this money. my mum was a poor singer parent and we had to get used ot not having things

YourPoliteLeader · 17/01/2026 19:11

it was her Christmas money from various relatives

reptilemad1985 · 17/01/2026 19:12

How did she pay for boots and lunch when she said her card was broken ??