Not My Problem

[FumingFeline]

Might be long but don't wanna drip feed.

DH was sacked last week. In a new job already. Definitely not work shy. Old job was full-time but job and finish type scenario. Started work early, not around for morning school runs. New job isn't quite as early, but finishes at a set time which means he won't be back to collect from after-school club. In previous job his parents would pick up the slack if he wasn't able to collect.

I work part-time hours. Some of those hours include evenings. DH could collect from after-school club on days I work later when he was in his previous job.

Tonight he said he doesn't know what's going to happen when I'm working late because he won't be able to pick DC up. Obviously I can't do it, and I don't feel like this is my problem. I calmly (evening though my blood was boiling) told him this. He is adamant he can't do anything about it. I responded neither can I. He then said you'll have to ask another school mum to have her. What he hasn't taken into consideration is said school mum works evenings, plus it's not her problem. He argued he can't do anything. I asked why it's on me to sort it. He said he can't sort it. I asked him what he wants me to do about it? He doesn't have an answer. I asked if I should quit my job and he can pay everything. This made him very cross, and of course this isn't an option. I pointed out I wasn't the one who lost my job. He couldn't help it, apparently. He's saying the only solution is his ridiculously elderly relative who still drives but really shouldn't still hold a licence can pick DC up from school. He is saying this because he knows I won't have that. I told him I know why he's saying it (backing me into a corner). He's now stating that this is the way it is going to be.

I don't think I'm being unreasonable to think this should be on him to sort out. The answer is not having a dangerous driver collect our DC. Am I being unreasonable? I don't think I am!

I feel so angry right now!

Yes, he pays more into the home. I do all morning school runs and most collections. Probably will do more now his hours have changed and I accepted this. I've been understanding. Haven't stressed and showed support when he was sacked. Now I feel like I'm seriously taking the brunt because of his mistake. I honestly don't have a solution.

Since he’s bringing in more money, could he arrange to pay a trusted friend or neighbor to do this? His circumstances changed, not yours. Ideally, you’ll figure this out together, but ultimately it’s HIS responsibility since he is the reason the your previous arrangements don’t work anymore.

I often think that posters read the headline & no further.

What didn’t and didn’t happen with DH’s job is irrelevant. What’s relevant is when you have children, you both have parental responsibility and you are both equally responsible for that child or children. I’m so sick of reading posts where women are doing it all and men are behaving like
it isn’t 50% their responsibility too and washing their hands of it all. DH needs to agree a plan with you that works for you both and enables you both to
do drop offs and pick ups. Men are just lazy and don’t want the hassle and don’t want to take the responsibility because they see it as a women or mum’s responsibility. Little boys grow up!

I am the higher earner in my relationship and when I took my current job a couple of years ago I knew I wouldn't be able to do the school run 1 day a week (I dot he rest). We discussed it together before taking it and agreed that I should still take it and my partner would do that one day a week. When he can't do it for whatever reason his parents do and I pick up from theirs. I am so sick of them making comments that my job is the issue and my job isn't flexible enough. My job is flexible 4 out of 5 days....your son's job is not even flexible 1 out of 5 days. It's not my job that is the problem here! But as the woman they think it's my responsibility to ensure childcare works.
Btw I'd be happy to pay someone else to do that one day but they do apparently want to do it.

You could look for a Childminder near to you that would do the School pick up & your DH pick her up from there instead of the ASC. Some Childminders do work later. Ring your LA asking for a list of Minders in your area.

Your husbands an arsehole,

If you say so

Hope you get it sorted. Work life balance with a young family is not for the weak. Part of me misses the twilight shift because I didn’t have to get them ready for bed but that caused lots of issues I was unaware of in my house