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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be turned off by unwashed hands and a small package?

374 replies

Tink3rbell30 · 16/01/2026 15:19

I've recently been dating again after a bad experience and long break. I have known this person years and we have chatted quite often so the familiarity is there. 2 things: he has a very small package and the whole thing was just very awkward and it didn't really work. And after a random conversation it turns out that he doesn't wash his hands after going to the toilet (both a wee and poo). I'm really fussy with cleanliness and to me that is very basic hygiene.

AIBU to do a 180 turn on the whole thing? He is trying to make plans to see me this weekend as we speak. My friend says give it another meet up and see as sex is always very awkward at first but it's the hand washing thing aswell.

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 16/01/2026 15:21

The it washing hands bit is gross. Run.

TimeForTeaAndG · 16/01/2026 15:22

Ewwwww! Nope, absolutely not unreasonable to just put a halt to the whole thing. You have a boundary, don't try to change him, you'll forever be wondering if his hands are disgusting. And who wants to have terrible sex? He can sort that himself if he cares enough.

Women are not here to fix terrible men.

Unhappyitis · 16/01/2026 15:22

Absolutely NOT on the hand hygiene. That is absolutely disgusting and something he can help so on that basis, why are you even asking?

Surely you're not that desperate for someone who can't even wash their hands after a shit.

StartMiddleEnd · 16/01/2026 15:24

Your friend knows this and is telling you to continue? She’s not a very good friend.

Cando6 · 16/01/2026 15:25

So all he has going for him is familiarity? You don’t sound keen so why are you investing in this?

BauhausOfEliott · 16/01/2026 15:26

Why would you even consider dating someone you're not attracted to? You don't enjoy sex with him and you find the hand thing gross. You don't fancy him.

Your friend must have bloody low standards if she thinks you should date someone you're actively turned off by.

Delphinium20 · 16/01/2026 15:28

Sorry, but in the beginning of a relationship, especially if you are in your physical prime, if you don’t want to rip his clothes off and have him touch you, I’d say you are not sexually attracted to him and it can’t go in a romantic direction. Trust middle-aged me: it won’t get better as you are together longer. Throes of unbridled passion wane and even a beloved DH can be a turnoff with morning breath or grumpy energy. Dirty hands after a poo? Oh hell no.

MissCooCooMcgoo · 16/01/2026 15:33
  1. I do not do tiny penises. I don't care if this makes me "shallow"
  2. Hand hygiene is only the beginning. Bet he doesn't wash other areas either 🤮

Summary: Sack him off. You can do better.

Original poster
Tink3rbell30 · 16/01/2026 15:36

Thanks all. I posted here as my friend insisted I was wrong to end it so soon. He is nice as in nice to look at and a nice personality but these 2 things are a put off. I have free time this weekend and I've been going back and for on if I wanted to see him but the probable expectation of sex again and the unwashed hands... It would mean losing the sort of friendship we had though I assume but there isn't another option really.

OP posts:
MissCooCooMcgoo · 16/01/2026 15:36

Oh, and your friend needs to up her standards. The sex with someone your physically attracted to is NOT awkward at first. You just want to be naked together, all the time.

Original poster
Tink3rbell30 · 16/01/2026 15:45

Cando6 · 16/01/2026 15:25

So all he has going for him is familiarity? You don’t sound keen so why are you investing in this?

He is nice to look at and has a nice personality so I thought I'd dip my toe in after being single for a very long time but this is the result.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tink3rbell30 · 16/01/2026 15:48

MissCooCooMcgoo · 16/01/2026 15:33

  1. I do not do tiny penises. I don't care if this makes me "shallow"
  2. Hand hygiene is only the beginning. Bet he doesn't wash other areas either 🤮

Summary: Sack him off. You can do better.

Edited

Yes I'm the same but have been called shallow for it. And no, hands and mouths don't make it up for it. It just doesn't work. The hand hygiene is just as big an issue. My friend think it's harsh of me to cut it off so quickly and also said maybe I'm asexual?!

OP posts:
YellowStockings · 16/01/2026 15:58

YUK. Hard no - there is no way I would touch someone (or let them touch me) if I knew they didn't wash their hands! Revolting.

TimeForTeaAndG · 16/01/2026 15:58

Your friend needs to get some standards.

Not wanting shit sex is not the same as being asexual, ffs.

canuckup · 16/01/2026 16:01

😂

Arlanymor · 16/01/2026 16:02

Small penises and shit sex are not mutually dependent. Some of the most earth moving sex of my life has been with someone who was distinctly below average. Some people just are better, more experienced and know how to give pleasure. And have chemistry.

Speaking of chemistry, I dread to think what is lurking on his hands, let alone on the rest of him (teeny peen included) if his hygiene is lacking. That is one of the biggest turn offs of all time for me - no thanks.

OompaLoofah · 16/01/2026 16:02

Nope YANBU. Had a mate who started dating a new bloke, suddenly started getting loads of UTI’s - never washed his hands. Once he started handwashing no more UTI’s

Nezukokamado · 16/01/2026 16:07

Arlanymor · 16/01/2026 16:02

Small penises and shit sex are not mutually dependent. Some of the most earth moving sex of my life has been with someone who was distinctly below average. Some people just are better, more experienced and know how to give pleasure. And have chemistry.

Speaking of chemistry, I dread to think what is lurking on his hands, let alone on the rest of him (teeny peen included) if his hygiene is lacking. That is one of the biggest turn offs of all time for me - no thanks.

I mean ive had 11 inches all the way down to....well let's not go there. Soz but ive had the best sex with average or there abouts! Massive ones, not so much.
But if you prefer a massive dick then that's that, everyone is allowed their preferences.

The hand washing thing though............no

Mizztikle · 16/01/2026 16:11

Its a definite no from me aswell, nobody wants a small peen that doesn't work. I just don't envy you the task of calling it off, what will you say?

PardonMe3 · 16/01/2026 16:12

The poor hygiene would really put me off. He's holding his 🍆 to pee or wiping his bum, not washing his hands and touching everything. I couldn't be able to cope. I'd be watching everything he's touching so I can sterilise it later. It's 🤮 and a huge turn off.

The little member wouldn't bother me as long as it touches the sides and he knows what to do with it.

Sanasaaa · 16/01/2026 16:13

If your 'friend' is insisting you keep dating this man she's not your friend, she's probably laughing about it.
Tell her she can date him, you'll pass on her number to Mr Bacteria.

ItsSlipperyWhenWet · 16/01/2026 16:15

Nah send patient zero back to the lab

Happyjoe · 16/01/2026 16:16

Sorry, no from me too. It's the unwashed hands that's the worst. I flat shared with a doctor once, she never washed her hands either, shudder.

gamerchick · 16/01/2026 16:17

Will you can if you want to risk an infection. Someone's e coli on my hooter isn't very appealing. Small package or not.

Even if you said anything and he got better, they always slip back into bad habits.

You're not happy, just pull the plug OP.

menopausalfart · 16/01/2026 16:18

Doesn't sound as if he's right for you. If he were, you wouldn't be posting on here. Just be straight and tell him you'd rather be friends.

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