AIBU to be turned off by unwashed hands and a small package?

[Tink3rbell30]

I've recently been dating again after a bad experience and long break. I have known this person years and we have chatted quite often so the familiarity is there. 2 things: he has a very small package and the whole thing was just very awkward and it didn't really work. And after a random conversation it turns out that he doesn't wash his hands after going to the toilet (both a wee and poo). I'm really fussy with cleanliness and to me that is very basic hygiene.

AIBU to do a 180 turn on the whole thing? He is trying to make plans to see me this weekend as we speak. My friend says give it another meet up and see as sex is always very awkward at first but it's the hand washing thing aswell.

Don't feel you have to apologise for having standards.

Who are the 3% that think its unreasonable? 😳 your the ones contributing to the spread of illnesses and diseases!! 🤬

Interesting thread.

Handwashing is a no, no.
If you have held his hand you have been contaminated by him.
When does he wash his hands at all?
Does he wash them before preparing food?

I have been in ladies toilets and find it unbelievable how many very well groomed women do not wash their hands. So it is not just a man thing.

Please don't mention the size of his penis, this is not something he can easily correct. And the impact on him as a man would be unthinkable. Making comments like that would be unkind. As a woman I would be unhappy with a man telling me my bits were the wrong shape or otherwise, it would completely knock ones confidence.

Personal hygiene is a big one.
How often does he shower?
How often does he wash his hair?
How often does he change his undies?
Conversations one should not have to have.
Has he got no self respect?
I could not touch this person.

I could probably deal with the small package, but the non handwashing is an absolute deal breaker.
How do you not care about washing your hands after wiping your bum? How utterly disgusting!
You are definitely not at all unreasonable!

The not hand washing alone would be a deal breaker for me.

Oh dear. Are you a man with a small "package"?

There's no point in OP starting a relationship that isn't going to give her sexual satisfaction is there? Perhaps the man with the "small package" could work on his technique a little - because there are many ways to satisfy a woman ... but if he is only interested in PIV 🤔

If you're not happy with him now, then you never will be.

Those unwashed hands touching you during sex! Absolutely not. Run!

I'd just tell him that if he doesn't wash his hands you won't see him again as it's unhygienic and he needs to start washing his hands after going to the toilet. If he doesn't listen cut him off after seeing him again as sex is always awkward the first time you have it with someone new.

I would slow fade that non friend too.

You dont need any excuses. He isnt for you so dump.
The non hand washing is revolting.

How do you mean “ if you’ve gotten as far as trying to have sex with him it’s no longer dating “ ?, followed by a condescending “ dear “ 🙄.
Also your comment of “ as an extra revenge write to the company he works for “ .
Why would she be vengeful, God I most certainly wouldn’t fancy dating you !

A long, wide girth wallet?

He doesn't?! I don't think. I guess by sitting?

And they don't usually wipe their dick after a piss either I don't think?! All the more reason to wash hands.

This is insidious.

Because all OP is really saying is she didn’t enjoy the sex and doesn’t want to do it again. I hope you don’t think not having sex because you don’t want to is ‘shallow’. ‘Judging’ is an odd word to use to describe deciding whether you want to have sex with someone again. It’s not like she’s offering him a job or awarding the Nobel peace prize. There’s no equal opportunities here I’m afraid, and what’s shameful is you trying to shame her about it.

Your friend really needs to raise her bar.

Wow some of the things these things are shocking. He was letting you know straight away who he really is. Not sure about the dream girl bit.. his dream girl would be one who nods along agreeing!

Well your friend can have him! She can enjoy his single stick kit-Kat dick and can be stinkers together! Id be wary of eating from her place to be honest if she thinks this is ok

You’re not a slave you can leave a relationship at any time for any reason and not have to tell them that reason so just leave? You have total freedom here. If you don’t want to date a man because he’s blonde, too tall, uses an aftershave you don’t like, he has a small willy, he’s from a country you don’t like or follows a religion you don’t like, then bin him it’s your right

For me, the hygiene is the thing. And perhaps it's just not great sex you're just not sexually attracted to him. I've had partners with all sizes, and my long term partners have been larger than average, but I've had two partners with quite small ones who I still had amazing sex with - but sounds like the attraction and connection aren't quite there

Your friend is appalling. Ask her bluntly if she think you do not have a right to say no to sex.

unwashed hands is an absolute no-no. It is not our role to train a man-child. And I would tell him honestly that.

and bad sex? Nobody has time for that.

This may’ve already been mentioned by PPs, but if he’s so nonchalant about hand-washing after even defecating, presumably he doesn’t wash his hands throughout the day, e.g. before eating, after using public transport or when he gets home from work. Or more pertinently before sex.

Obvs, people who wash their hands after peeing are regularly washing their hands throughout the day, so also washing off germs from elsewhere: touching doors, handrails, shopping baskets etc.

Did the pandemic teach people nothing about the importance of handwashing to reduce the spread of infectious diseases? I was always shocked on school trips using public transport when teachers didn’t take children to wash their hands before they ate their sandwiches: basic hygiene.

Send him this:

Whatever about that guy, lack of washing sounds disgusting and he also sounds fairly thick, you tell him something you hate that gives you the ick, and he pipes up I do that, he's a dope! Also the fact that you're even posting on Mumsnet is a red flag, if he was right for you, do wouldn't be full of doubt and posting here. You sound like a kind intelligent woman who deserves so much more, is your self worth low? Would counselling be an option to help build confidence.

The friend is a big problem, I'd be looking at the friendship dynamic, why does she care so much what you do?, can you ask her? Tbh, I'd be backing away and wouldn't be confiding in her, she must be fairly conceited to believe she knows what's best for you, very very cheeky, sounds like a gaslighting to me

I think this is called natural selection, just to be technical . . .