Am I being an overbearing parent or is this normal for 8 weeks in secondary school ?

[2026sendhelp]

DD started secondary school In September - an independent school.

In 8 weeks of being there the following happened. — was not allowed to play with the air hockey table as was told by the other girl she makes the rules. —was told Mutiple different lies about other children saying things about her like “ your the only one they don’t like etc
~ told she wasn’t allowed on the group what’s app because none of her peers knew who she was - she’s invisible and then encouraged to take a photo of herself for the girl to send the boys in which she was told by the girl nope they still have no idea who you even are.
-told that the school therapist and disclosed information to the other student about daughter not belonging in a form.
~public social media posts calling her a b* h** and lil beg with a further post referencing her friends ( not in same school ) wanting to Jump her.

we were told that this a fairly normal to happen in year 7

my DD is terrified to go to school every morning - she is a passive young 12 year old who has no so much missed a homework deadline.

That is absolutely disgusting.

Dp t send your daughter in on Monday.

And the school are absolutely useless.

Just because it hasn't happened on school ground doesn't mean they cant get involved.

Absolutely disgusting from the child. And bloody useless response from the school.

As this is a funded EHCP placement you need to request that the LA attend the meetings with the school and yourself.
All schools (independent ones too) have to have anti bullying policies and social media policies, they don't get to shrug their shoulders and pretend it's not happening.
Put in a written complaint to the governors, cc the LA. This now needs to be a formal complaint as the LA are likely funding other children as well. At minimum you need an urgent review with the LA as her placement is breaking down.

I am a teacher and this is not normal behaviour. If it normal there I would remove your daughter immediately. Your poor wee daughter is being badly bullied. Please ask the school for their bullying procedure, ask to meet with head of year an log any and all incidents that occur. These days we are pretty hot on bullying and to see it still goes on is awful. I’m so sorry she is being treated like this

Hi just wanted to offer a few tips mom who has removed a child from mainstream special school and independent special school. I see you have mentiond ehcp. I would be doing a Subject Access Request (SAR) requesting all recording including complaints made by you or others and attendance ect. should get all meeting notes about the situation. I would also ask for a copy of there behaviour policy. As by law they should have one and surey there will be something about online issuies. Then u have proof u have complained and what the outcome was . Behaviour policey may show they are not following this . And its also against semh when a childs mental health is been affected so this school is not provideing aproprite support and adaptions for your child and this is grounds for your ehcp worker and you to find another school and show all information to ehcp they will invite school for medication with you and if they are not willing to put tuff in place then you request work sent home (if you can do this) untill new school is found. All emails sent you have not had replies to is also evidence they are ignoring you. Without know what is in your childs ehcp but im sure there will be lots in there that they are not been able to fufil because of this and there for they are not fufilling ehcp hope some of this may help. Some schools/ teachers try to get away with what they can because they can evan tho rules state they can inforce rules when a child is been online bullying . Evan if you have to from now on screen shot all online activities and print it out . And anything threatening they can and should call police to the premises while you are there . Stay strong and push. U are not overbearing you are protecting your child. And asking for basic needs like existing without fear.

This is why I can't wait for under 16s to be off social media.

I'd change her school, she's being bullied and the school don't seem to care.

This is horrendous. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this.

when my eldest was bullied (year 6) and the school brushed it under the carpet, I spoke to the police (not the emergency number!). I knew they couldn’t do anything but then when I went back to the school, I started the sentence off with ‘I’ve discussed this with the police and this is what they have advised me’.

Those words completely changed the schools attitude and how they dealt with the situation, which was prompt and seriously.

also the police are really good with the advice they give you. They give you steps on how to deal with the school, what to say and what to quote such as the school’s anti bullying policy. So although the police can’t directly help, they gave me a thorough step by step guide on how to make the school react and take it seriously.

i really hope you get it sorted and I’m so sorry you have to deal with it.

Her parents are probably rich and donate to the school. She will have no consequences. Report to the police.

Horrendous for your daughter. My eldest is in a very normal comp in a very diverse area (as in mix council, private rented and owned properties). The head is caring but has a tough side. She would go absolutely bat shit over something like this. And quite rightly so. Ive seen this is an LA funded placement. Maybe try your MP or councillor?

This is 100 percent not the case.

I went to a public school. Didn’t feel safe the entire time. Dd went to state in a good area. Better grades, better friends (all my friends were on anti depressants, drugs, all of us sexually assaulted). Dd got much better grades. Get her the fuck out of there.

I am so sorry your daughter is going through this... But what's a 12 y old doing on tiktok?!?

Social Media / phones / it is a horrendous grey area for a school, if done on school premises fine, if say at home at weekends it’s a web of mess for schools. It is bullying, simple.
schools can demand their phone and access say What’s App (assuming student give their passwords / havent got an additional phone rhey give in innocently and wait for parents to cry theft / demand their property back / threaten police or legal action / shout scream at Reception staff on Minimum wage etc).

With evidence from both phones (perpetrators and victim), schools should then go through usual sanctions. Schools do need to know all of this sort of information and will do their best (get parents in / draw up peer contracts etc). I am surprised they are not being more proactive.

I have heard Private Schools can be slower to act as all students are Fee paying clients at current trying times, especially if more than 1 child from the same family is at the school - even more revenue for them (maybe I’m being cynical). I have no personal experience of this, just read other MN posts on here about it.

keep pushing for what you and your DC need, show evidence (screen shots of messages / social media posts etc). If need be you threaten to remove your child.

She was shown it by another girl at school.

Please, please take this to the police.
The school sound completely incompetent and lazy! Screenshot everything, print them out or put them on a USB stick. Tell them you're not the first who have reported the same girl and give them the names of the others. They can't just pass it off as just one of those things when it's clearly a widespread issue with the same girl making others' lives a misery.

As someone who was bullied badly in highschool mostly by the same girl (and whoever her chosen minions were at the time), and the school didn't do anything about it, it absolutely ruined my mental health and social confidence for life. I'm in my 30's now and the same girl that did it is all drama and threats on FB still with new "friends" she makes. The bully will never change her behaviour without serious action and consequences.

I hope things improve for you both.

In that screenshot, the girl is telling your dd she persuaded her minions not to beat your dd up. I take it they only have access to your dd during school time (or perhaps whilst travelling to and from school). This absolutely is a school matter. And I’m not so many words she’s being told watch out or we will jump you at school.

My dd’s friend went to a private school, which was absolutely useless for stuff like this. Please follow what people have said about escalating it through the correct channels. And taking it to the police. Even if they can’t do anything, the school is more likely to act if they know you’ve contacted them. And a subject access request is a great idea.

I would also be reminding the school they have a duty of care to your dd and that children have killed themselves for being online bullied. That you are not prepared for a wait and watch approach. That you will escalate this through the correct channels, as well as contacting the police, as you don’t find their response to your reports of online bullying robust, when they have already told your dd to appease the girl on school grounds. I would also ask what action the school intends to take to help safeguard your dd from potential self harm and suicide.

You should also ask for a copy of the complaint’s procedure so that you ensure you follow procedure so that when you do escalate to LADO at your local authority children’s services that they will deal with the complaint effectively.

Of course this is not normal - and even if you thought it was, it is appalling. Get her out of there, immediately. Poor, poor child.

OP, have you considered speaking to a firm of solicitors such as Bindman's, which has a team specialising in education?

https://www.bindmans.com/legal-services/individual/education-law/

This is not normal. The school should have nipped this on the bud weeks ago. Involve the LA as they also gave a duty of care then get her the hell out

Ahh... I see it now. So how did your daughter /.other girl know it's about her? (This may be totally obvious but I don't have tictoc so don't know how it works) .
In any case, this is not normal and irrespective on who pays for her to attend, this is not the right provision for your daughter from a safety perspective. Policies should be downloadable from the school's website... I echo other peeps' advice and would add that if it were me and my kiddo was going through this, I would have no qualms getting legal assistance to drive my point forward. Good luck !!

Im sorry your daugher is experiening this. It sounds like there are some nasty girls in her year group and that the school aren't taking it seriously. From my experience teaching secondary school this does sometimes happen and the children stay mean bullies all the way through school and the year group gets a reputation. My honest advice would be to move her to a new school while she is still early in year 7 and hope to get a nicer group of children. Thats what I would do anyway, you dont want her being bullied for years and if its like this now it wont stop.

Your daughter is being bullied , Im so sorry 😞 And im sure talking to the girl will not make a difference , what is the school's policy on bullying and are they upholding it ? If they are and it's a crap policy i would consider moving your daughter , if they aren't i would go in all guns blazing ,
I hope you manage to get something done ASAP X

Honestly, just stop her phone using WhatsApp and stop her social media.
it’s obviously not bringing her joy.

Independent schools should have trustees/governors in the same way that state schools do. Complain to them, name names, and tell them how little progress has been made so far. This girl needs to be sanctioned, and possibly to receive therapy...

Oh no!