Am I being an overbearing parent or is this normal for 8 weeks in secondary school ?

[2026sendhelp]

DD started secondary school In September - an independent school.

In 8 weeks of being there the following happened. — was not allowed to play with the air hockey table as was told by the other girl she makes the rules. —was told Mutiple different lies about other children saying things about her like “ your the only one they don’t like etc
~ told she wasn’t allowed on the group what’s app because none of her peers knew who she was - she’s invisible and then encouraged to take a photo of herself for the girl to send the boys in which she was told by the girl nope they still have no idea who you even are.
-told that the school therapist and disclosed information to the other student about daughter not belonging in a form.
~public social media posts calling her a b* h** and lil beg with a further post referencing her friends ( not in same school ) wanting to Jump her.

we were told that this a fairly normal to happen in year 7

my DD is terrified to go to school every morning - she is a passive young 12 year old who has no so much missed a homework deadline.

In that case, I would report to the council (speak to your local councillor) and also to the governors. The school is not handling this correctly - it's not handling it at all. Unacceptable.

This is terrible and I echo what others have said, the school MUST sort out this bullying behaviour. They're not safeguarding your DD and it sounds as though you're going to have to keep pushing them to sort it. You could move your DD, but that means more disruption and starting a new school mid year, which might feel like too much. Best of luck advocating for your DD, it really isn't normal or acceptable for the school not to take serious action.

If the school are honestly saying that they cannot intervene as this bullying is happening online - then suggest to them that you will be reporting the incidents as hate crimes to the police and will expect their cooperation. I'd let them know that their lack of help means that you will have to ask for outside help which means calling your MP, reporting to OFSTED, asking for advice naming the school on internet forums. That might make their wheels turn in a different way.

No it’s not normal it’s bullying.
If the school aren’t taking it seriously I’d move her

Your poor daughter. And no, I don’t think it’s normal at all.

I’d be concerned why the school can’t sanction. What is stopping them? Or who is stopping them.

I realise that you’ve said the fees are funded by the LEA but I’d be raising it with the LEA as to be frank, they aren’t getting what they are paying for. I mean, the school maybe be providing an education but they aren’t safeguarding your daughter at all. I assume they are paying for fees here as no other school could meet her needs? Then surely, the argument would be that they aren’t meeting her needs now.

Please tell your daughter it’s not normal, make her realise it’s not her at all.Most kids aren’t like this child that is being spiteful. And if this other child has SEN or ND that causes her to say and do these things, the school aren’t supporting her well enough either.

I fear I have may been clumsy in my reply, but I hope you understand what I mean.

No not normal in terms of the school reaction (unfortunate normal in terms of other kids behaviour at times) and this would have been taken very seriously at my kids state school. They can sanction and speak to the kids, they just don't want to. Isn't that the beauty of the independent system? You don't like it - go somewhere else.

It hasn’t been my experience, no (mine is in Y8). But we don’t allow any social media and no WhatsApp groups except small ones with actual close friends. I think, yes, it is something to flag up, but there is also a degree of sticking to your lane. Know your friends, stay close to nice kids you can trust, don’t get involved in all the drama.

My daughter started a state school at the same time. None of these issues at all. Definitely not normal

Yes report to council and governors.

It sounds like your lovely DD’s needs are too much hassle for the school so they’d rather she left than sort the bully.

This is a) obviously awful and b) stupid on their part as even if they don’t care to keep your DD, this bully has caused and is going to cause problems for other kids.

Hence my suggestion of teaming up with other parents, if you can.

If it was possible I would say move her but I understand that is far from an easy option.

It’s hard - there is on 6 girls in the year group there is no where else to to turn to.

read the thread.

In which case as well as triggering safeguarding responsibilities you need to be triggering anti-discrimination policies too - has she been selected as a target due to perceived vulnerability connected to her disability?

Might be being cynical here, but school seems hesitant to sanction a certain child... do the parents have a lot of influence in the school?

Either way, the school are being awful and your daughter deserves far better. Hope you get it sorted OP.

Normal? No it’s absolutely not. (Although I can only speak from a state school perspective).

Sorry I haven’t been able to read all posts but wanted to respond.

This is not normal. School are fobbing you off. Read their cyber bullying policy and their anti-bullying policy (if your child has sen read this policy too - Sen children are more likely be bullied).

Ask for a meeting with the school and ask what they are doing to enforce their own policies. Make sure you screenshot anything on-line etc so you have proof. If this doesn’t work, keep her off for her mental health and tell them she can only go back when a plan is in place.

Tell your DD these are not her friends and to give them a wide berth, encourage her to make other friends, get her into activities away from school so she can make friends outside of school

She was definitely targeted in terms of your manipulations things due to her vulnerability- there was an inpower balance right froM the beginning. She befriended her and “ took her under her wing “ but was feeding her the lies about the other kids saying things and staff. It was when they were found to be lies that DD pulled away an thstscwhen the threats etc happened.

I would write down every incident, reassure your child that it isn't her fault and keep on at the school. Try setting up an appointment with Kidscape https://www.kidscape.org.uk/ to get support for you and your daughter and advice on what you can do to help your child, and how to talk to the school about it. Be persistent until it's sorted. It does sound very difficult with the small group of peers that there's nowhere else to go.

Nope and out of 6 parents
1 has called the police
2 have complained about their kids being bullied.
1 is the bully.

Ah, trying to isolate her from the start and undermine her confidence so she would become a dependent minion? Not just 'bullying' as in 'being mean' then, but much more premediated controlling behaviour and then vindictiveness as 'retribution' when it didn't work.

Yes pretty much. DD bravely asked her why she had told her those things and she straight up replied
oh I didn’t tell you that I wouldn’t your my best friend
at this point I stated limiting access to each other but then it escalated with another girl and then ended in the tik tok threats.

I see that moving schools would be difficult. Can you ask for your daughter to be moved to another class? Would that help? One thing I would say is trust your instincts and don’t worry about whether you are overprotective. Your daughter is vulnerable and you need to listen to your gut instinct. You’re a great parent!

There’s less than 20 in the whole year group and only 6 girls

I’m sorry this is happening, school seem to be rather crap at dealing with this. I’d contact the other parents who have complained, if you can, to join forces to see what can be done.
I would put everything in writing to the head, listing all incidents and how they’ve failed your child, amongst others, I would also write to the board of governors.
There must be also be a governing body for private schools that you can get in touch with?
Whether you choose to move schools or not, I would be making a formal complaint

And you are paying for this?
I would tell the Governing body that unless they put a stop to this appalling bullying you will remove your DD from their dreadful school. I really don't understand why the school haven't dealt with this, is the bully related to a member of staff/governor?