Am I being an overbearing parent or is this normal for 8 weeks in secondary school ?

[2026sendhelp]

DD started secondary school In September - an independent school.

In 8 weeks of being there the following happened. — was not allowed to play with the air hockey table as was told by the other girl she makes the rules. —was told Mutiple different lies about other children saying things about her like “ your the only one they don’t like etc
~ told she wasn’t allowed on the group what’s app because none of her peers knew who she was - she’s invisible and then encouraged to take a photo of herself for the girl to send the boys in which she was told by the girl nope they still have no idea who you even are.
-told that the school therapist and disclosed information to the other student about daughter not belonging in a form.
~public social media posts calling her a b* h** and lil beg with a further post referencing her friends ( not in same school ) wanting to Jump her.

we were told that this a fairly normal to happen in year 7

my DD is terrified to go to school every morning - she is a passive young 12 year old who has no so much missed a homework deadline.

A 12 year old should not have to deal with this on her own. She is being bullied OP. If this is considered normal then I don't want my kids to go to secondary in this country.

Sorry not helpful but i am pretty shocked. The other kids sound vile. Is it just a few kids or has the entire class ganged up against her? If it's the entire class I would try everything to move her.

The school's response is appalling.

Go to the police every single time. They'll soon wish they'd dealt with it better in house.

If this is normal then my DD won’t be there 8 weeks when she starts in September! She won’t even be there 8 days, I’d rather homeschool her.

I did thanks.

this sounds terrible, especially for an independent school, this is awful bullying and also suggests the atmosphere is awful.we had our fair share of problems with DD1 in year 7, but for the first term they were generally all lovely and then it went downhill. It was awful enough for me to remove her from the school, and even then yours sounds far worse. This is not normal.

This. Ask to be sent their policy on bullying today via email.

Only state school experience here, there is often a Queen Bee girl who tries this, but good schools should come down like a ton of bricks on it. Report every incident, email trail, cc in anyone and everyone remotely relevant. Don't let it go.

I have 2 in secondary and nothing like this. There was one very mild incident when my son was younger and the school instantly squashed it and there’s been no trouble since. I think at this early stage I would also be seriously considering moving her

Report it as a safeguarding issue to the funding LA.

Also get some legal advice.

Keep detailed records, all dated.

And get your DD off social media and out if the WhatsApp groups. Monitor the phone, screenshot any bullying.

I was terribly bullied in private school y7 and it's affected me all my life. Op if the online threats can be traced I'd contact the police, she's above the age of legal responsibility. Might kick the school up the bottom too.

I feel like the final outcome was

cyber bullying - can’t sanction
the in school stuff labelled as low level bullying
mum and parent have been told
behavior needs to change and any other low level bullying will be sanctioned.
DD should try to speak to bully.

Shetlandish mum ...but vlearly they dont do
they? Certainly not always and equally all secondsry schools are not all rough.

If your username is anything to go by your fairly local to 🤣

If the school isn't doing anything about it, I'd be getting in touch with her parents. Do they do the school run? Also put in a formal complaint at the school about the way they are handling the situation or not I should say.

I have private messaged you OP with some further advice.

Sorry this is happening to your daughter. Absolutely not normal and not acceptable. My DS started in September too and I haven’t experienced anything like this. It sounds like bullying and the school need to be taking it seriously.

Your child is getting bullied really badly too you need to get this sorted asap

My DD went to a really bad high school - lots of issues but they were really hot on bullying. One of the girls stopped everyone from talking to my DD. Phone call made, deputy head said leave it with me and promised me within 24 hours it would be sorted. It was. There is no excuse for this not to have been dealt with and to normalise it is shocking.

How awful for your daughter. It's still comparatively early in her secondary school life so I'd be inclined to pull her out and make it widely and publicly known why. Their safeguarding sounds inadequate. "Safeguarding" is definitely a magic word on occasion.

Some schools use a sceme of big sister. Pairing year 7 student with a year 9 the big sister pops into tutor time and is around at break too. This is part of yr9 community work or PSE. It puts the bully in their place and gives a youngster confidence. Ask for a big sister . Ive seen it work very well. Also a lunchtime club...several run like art, reading give a different focus/friends and can help a lot. Kids can be really nasty.

You say the school can’t sanction because it is online. Surely this is where the online harassment and bullying bill comes in making it a criminal offence! I’d tell the school you will report any further activity to the police and see what they say then. Are you paying fees for this school? If so you should move her anyway. Do you really want these girls to be who she has to be around for the next 5-7 years?

ask them to move her to a different class.

I’m sorry your daughter is going through this. Schools have different attitudes to bullying. This one seems very passive and therefore negative. She needs an authority figure to impose the rules on people who are breaking them. If this doesn’t happen, move school to a better one. Lots of children become school avoidant and have very low self esteem/ self harm etc if exposed to bullying and have no support. Good luck.

Quite frankly, I would pull your daughter out and at some point when it couldn’t come back at her, tell people why. That school is simply not safe for children, because the people running it are completely incapable of safeguarding them.

Wow I wouldn't be paying for that ..it's appalling. Conduct is conduct even if it happens online. So sorry OP 💐