to ask if you care about appearing conventional?

[thatsgotit]

And if so, why?

Inspired by about a zillion threads on MN, though not directly a TAAT.

My own answer: outside of the norms of my job (which are pretty relaxed anyway), I don't personally care so much whether people perceive me as conventional or not. I don't think that makes me special or superior or anything like that - nobody is better or worse than others simply because of the things they do/don't do. I just don't care very much personally about whether people think I'm 'weird' for not following certain conventions (and similarly I don't judge others on whether or not they appear conventional), and am curious why it matters to some.

Again, I'm talking about outside of holding a job or progressing one's career, where obviously these things matter more.

Thoughts?

YABU = it matters
YANBU = so long as you're hurting anyone, it doesn't matter

Completely agree.

I aim to sit on the edge of conventional. So you wouldn’t see me and describe me as quirky (no colourful hair or kitschy jewellery or bold prints for example), but I wear a lot of jumpsuit / dungaree type office wear, and have an unusual hair colour (it’s copper with chunky blonde panels - not super unusual I’ve never met anyone else with the same sort of hair colouring).

I often get complimented on what I’m wearing, and have a distinct style I think - but there’s nothing I wear that’s particularly out there.

So are you comfortable with being thought of as a prejudiced person, then? Because you're showing a lot of prejudice on this thread.

I've got long curly hair and have just had a side shave....it looks great but I do think I will be judged.

I've grown more and more stylish as I've grown older and I must admit I like it because I feel it places me in a sort of box, where I hope people would know the general way I think.

I mix Ghost cami dresses with boots and cashmere, with a big tattoo on my arm, now this side shaved head, my clothes are expensive but about half vintage, and I am not into anything fake. I don't even dry my hair anymore.

I like looking alternative because I like belonging to that tribe and I feel, when I see someone who looks different like me, that I will generally like them. I was an abused kid with no choice but now I rock my choices and support others to rock theirs.

I like 'sit on the edge of conventional'. I've no doubt some people would describe the way I dress at my age that way 😄but I like it so I don't care.

Or maybe they just like blue? 😄

I don't think I am showing a lot of prejudice. I'm waiting for someone to prove me wrong

Depends on where you are and what you are doing.

I agree with @Pavementworrier. ‘Anyone who considers themselves to be unconventional is conventional’.

Conveniently for you, giving people a 'wide berth' is quite an effective way of never challenging your own assumptions.

My neighbour has blue hair. She works in the butchers, follows the hunt and has a george cross flag in her front garden.

She's a lot of things but a social progressive she isn't.

.

All these comments about blue hair and what it says about a person...needy, insecure, tedious.

I could feel the same about orange and yellow people...you know, orange face and yellow hair. Big fish lips. It's conventional enough but it's still objectively fucking weird to go about like that.

I bet the blue hairs spend way less time, money and self-obsession on their hair than the orange and yellow people.

You've had several examples. Meanwhile, I'd like to know why you think socially progressive is bad. You were asked that question in some detail and you sidestepped it.

Oh, go on, fess up with who you judge.

Dumpy little middleaged women like me in jeans and a hoodie? Or wearing the same as you but not being tall and willowy?

I think now might be a good time to broaden the discussion out from blue hair. 😂And appearance generally, in fact.

What about things like:

• not watching the same TV shows as everyone else;
• not owning a TV at all;
• not getting up as early in the morning as other people;
• not adhering to 'wedding etiquette';
• putting your Christmas tree up/taking it down at a certain time because that's when you're 'supposed' to do it;
• not drinking tea or coffee;
• going on holiday alone;
• not owning a car or being a driver?

(I'm sure I'll think of more the second I post this... 😄)

And you hereby win the internet for today! 😂

I grew up with a pretty weird family, as on genuinely struggling to function properly in society weird, a lot of undiagnosed neurodivergence, not blue hair, and I found it really hard. it was hard to make friends because we couldn't relate, social situations/restaurants/shops/parents evenings were stressful

I don't care if on an individual level someone doesnt like me, and I don't desire to be the same as everyone. I don't care if people don't like my dress or my music or my hobbies or if on an individual level someone sees me as weird. I don't make life choices based on whether I will be judged or whether I'm following the correct timeline

But I do want to be functional in society. I like to walk into a room and connect with people, and not feel completely different to every human being. I like to have friends and get on with people and be able to navigate life/society

I've put them out here precisely to allow me to be challenged, nothing convincing yet

.

How old is she?

not watching the same TV shows as everyone else;
Well, I don't watch Strictly or Love Island, but I do like The Traitors, so in this regard I'm not so much unconventional as inconsistent.

not owning a TV at all;
Nope, got one. But only one, and it's in the living room.

not getting up as early in the morning as other people;
I'd love to not get up early. But I have 1) a job, and 2) cats who demand food. So 8.30 is a major lie in.

not adhering to 'wedding etiquette';
Depends whose wedding. If it's someone else's and I've been invited, I go with what they want, because manners. On the other hand, my DS (foster) is getting married in the next few years. Same sex couple, it will be small and very informal, and before the wedding he will be deed polling to take my surname, And his mum will not be invited. Not very traditional.

putting your Christmas tree up/taking it down at a certain time because that's when you're 'supposed' to do it;
No Christmas trees in this house, because cats. Instead I have fairy lights strung zigzag across the room and our ornaments hang from those. They go up when we have a weekend when there's time. Ditto taking down.

not drinking tea or coffee;
You will take my filter coffee out of my cold dead hands. Tea? Herbals only.

going on holiday alone;
I would, if I could get someone to cat sit.

not owning a car or being a driver?
I'm from the Netherlands, and I didn't own my first car until I was almost 30. I didn't need one, I had a bike and actual functioning public transport. Here in my part of the world where the last bus on a working day leaves at 6.15, there's not really any other options.

I do think I'm pretty normal, blue hair notwithstanding.

Late 40s.

I mean, if you lived in the rural Highlands and chose not to own a car or a TV because you’ve committed to never going anywhere that isn’t within walking distance and don’t believe in hearing about anything from the outside world - that would be unconventional. Not owning a TV because you only watch stuff on your laptop on Netflix, or not owning a car because you live in London - all perfectly normal for millions of people.

I define “unconventional” along the lines of “things which the majority of people would find genuinely surprising, bizarre, or outside of reasonable norms”, so I suppose it’s all going to depend on your definition.

I've met plenty of people with blue hair and they have been, almost without exception, really hard work one way or another.

Well now I’m disappointed. I always wanted blue hair. But reading this I would HATE any sort of attention, so this has now put me completely off doing it! I died my hair pink in lockdown (I figured as I was then WFH and never leaving the house it was a safe time to try it) - I hope no one that saw me on work calls thought I was attention seeking, as I was genuinely doing it for me!

looks like I’m sticking with my boring, brown hair for the foreseeable.