to ask if you care about appearing conventional?

[thatsgotit]

And if so, why?

Inspired by about a zillion threads on MN, though not directly a TAAT.

My own answer: outside of the norms of my job (which are pretty relaxed anyway), I don't personally care so much whether people perceive me as conventional or not. I don't think that makes me special or superior or anything like that - nobody is better or worse than others simply because of the things they do/don't do. I just don't care very much personally about whether people think I'm 'weird' for not following certain conventions (and similarly I don't judge others on whether or not they appear conventional), and am curious why it matters to some.

Again, I'm talking about outside of holding a job or progressing one's career, where obviously these things matter more.

Thoughts?

YABU = it matters
YANBU = so long as you're hurting anyone, it doesn't matter

I think that poster unintentionally gave themselves away by including non binary in there.
The reason blue hair on MN is so frowned upon is because lots of posters hear/see blue hair and think "wah, they must be LGBT!"
So much bigotry and prejudice around people, and unconventional appearances on here.

No, it doesn't. You have just decided that blue hair is intended to scream 'different' because it's not like yours.

You can think blue hair is 'different' if you want, but that isn't the problem of the person with blue hair. I guarantee you the reason they have blue hair is because it makes them happy when they look in the mirror, not because they have even the slightest interest in you looking at them. If you look at them, that's your problem.

Define 'conventional', though, OP. It's so subjective. I'm a deeply ordinary person -- married with a child I had at 39, a professional career, several degrees, I walk and cycle everywhere and need to dress appropriately at work for this, have moved around a fair bit internationally, and have a lot of geographically scattered friends.

I would have thought this was pretty ordinary by most standards. But I once lived somewhere where I was deeply unusual by local standards as a foreigner, a WOHM, a cyclist, a mother of one by choice.

I don’t really care whether people see me as conventional or not. I’m not particularly conventional but I don’t telegraph that I’m not to the outside world.

I wouldn’t feel anxiety about whether or not people consider me to be conventional. It makes no difference to me other than at my workplace where I need to be seen as “professional”. Outside of this its irrelevant.

While I have no problem at all with blue hair, I do agree with a PP that often performatively “unconventional” people are quite often much more conventional on the inside than their appearance suggests. There’s a correlation in my experience with people who go out of their way to embrace “lifestyle tribes” and incredibly conventional and hidebound ways of looking at the world. Its not scientific and not a criticism but I do sometimes wonder whether people who style themselves as “goths” or “eco warriors” or whatever realise that what they’re doing is in many ways more conventional than the ordinary Joes who don’t spend half of their disposable income on hair dye.

Its very much a uniform.

I think it’s very deeply wired into us to want to fit in with our ‘group’. In the past people wouldn’t have had much of a choice about what group they were part of- simply accident of birth and the people who happen to be around you. Nowadays you can find your ‘tribe’ almost anywhere. But I do think most people want to follow the conventions of whatever group they’ve decided to align themselves with. So even if someone appears unconventional to you, it’s likely they have their own cohort (even if it’s small or online) who have similar beliefs/values, who all subscribe to whatever the convention of that group is.

Same 😁

Can you expand on that? Not sure what you mean.

I remember when I was 18 and only one shop in a 40 mile radius sold Crazy Colour. 32 years ago 😭. I preferred red. I just do grade 4 all over now. I don't really give a shit what anybody does with their hair, I'm too lazy to style.

What a strange comment

I agree with @BauhausOfEliott -- I don't have blue hair and wear bright dungarees, I have brown hair, dress in dark colours, mostly Cos and Oska, work at a university, am married with a child and a houseful of books.

BUT in one particular setting, a prosperous UK midlands village, where I lived for several years, I was the weirdest thing they'd ever seen, because 'normal' for the mother of a child of DS's age was to be ten or fifteen years younger, a SAHM to two, to drive a 4x4 and be very house-proud and well-groomed.

'Unconventional' depends on where you're coming from, and what you view as 'normal'.

I think it's bound to be - we all have a tendency to conflate certain traits with those we've seen displaying them.

It's interesting, though, the assumptions that get made about things like blue hair. It wouldn't suit me, but if it did and I wanted it, I would get it, just the same as if I wanted to go blonde. To a certain extent, our appearances and the choices we make around them are inextricably bound with other people's perceptions of us, but I don't agree that people with blue hair are saying 'look at me' any more than people who dye their hair blonde, just because blue is an unnatural colour.

Having said that, blue hair is maybe a problematic example because I have a feeling that it's currently tied up with specific demographics and politics - I'm being deliberately vague there because I don't know much about this, being in my fifties and slightly out of touch. 😄

I think no one is conventional once you get to know them.

That's okay - I actually don't have blue hair, but avoid people who judge others who do, so we're good!

Yes, I'm wary of them too. As in ' what pretentious prat do we have here'. But I say nothing until they have spoken, and then I say nothing again, as it's not my business what colour their hair is.

The way you present yourself is likely to be “conventional” for the way you want to be perceived. There are very few “unique” people.

So you could think having blue hair is cool and individual. But actually it puts you firmly in the group of people with blue hair - who conventionally are of a particular type…..

I’m not bothered about appearing conventional in that I haven’t gone out of my way to appear that way, and wouldn’t not do something I wanted to do just because it was unconventional, but I suppose I am conventional in that I’m married, have 2 kids, both husband & I have quite typical jobs, I get the same hair cut/colour that most people probably do, there is nothing “out there” about our lives but that was our choice rather than a “we have to do these things”

I think it’s all dependent on circumstances. A lof the women where I live are very blue air, massive glasses and garish prints (the Timmy Mallet look). They think it’s unconventional but it’s a very popular look in the area so seems to be the accepted vibe. They are also mostly all married, work part time and have kids (fitting a traditional expectation for women). I am a bit more conservative in dress and views so often feel like the rebel outsider ironically! I also work full time and am the family bread winner.

Agreed conventions are very culturally specific, like punks as a subgroup. Or the example of the Blue Hairs.

But kids tend to conform to their preferred groups views. Some people stay that way, some rebel forever and most of us grow up and don't really care.

I like to appear conventional and always aim to blend in and not stick out. It has gotten easier over the years or maybe I just care less nowadays.

For many being relatively conventional is necessary to secure a job or career. Many industries would not want blue hair, for example, on someone in a customer facing role.

I've had blue hair tips and purple now pink / burgundy.I started it in lockdown and don't do it to be needy I do it as I love the change and colour.A while back I went mousy brown for a month and hated it.
The rest of me is conventional.Clothes from next m and s.
I like to let people do what they want without judgement.

Seems to me their are alot of judgy people who could do with having an outside the box moment.

People with these dye jobs are invariably signalling to other tribe members. Its a form of communication and I understand what they are saying. I've encountered many. I'll treat them with manners and respect (often a one way street) but I'm sure they'd quite rather I gave them the space I do!

Keen to hear how you achieve that

Brilliant 😆 🥴.
I did mine when others were stuck indoors.