AIBU to be upset partner changed his gmail password?

[Sunshine2361]

My partner is miserable in his job, he’s desperate for a new one so I’ve been helping him by doing job applications for him. He says he can’t do them himself as he has no time and he doesn’t know how to do them properly. I work full time so I’ve been fitting it in on a morning before work, between doing the school run for 2 kids. His indeed job account is linked to his gmail so to log in, I had to log into his gmail account. I did a couple of applications for him this morning then I came back from the school run and he’d sent me a load of texts saying how dare I access his gmail account and he has changed the password and I am never to access it again. AIBU to be really upset since I was literally trying to help him. I didn’t even go into his emails I just used his log in to access his indeed account

YABU, he is entitled to privacy. My DH doesn't have access to my email, I don't have access to his.

Did he want to apply for the jobs? Did he see the specific job advertisements that you were actually applying for? It kind of sounds like you just did it without him agreeing to it? Which would be a shitty thing to do..

So even if your DH asked you to send several emails that were ostensibly from him, on his behalf, you still wouldn't expect to have access to his email?!

You are being unreasonable to do job applications for him! If he can’t fill out his own applications then how is he going to do the job? Don’t enable a man child… maybe if Mr Big Man wants privacy he can also be an adult and run his own life

I get that but I didn’t go into his emails. I logged into his indeed account which is linked to his gmail. I sent some job applications through his indeed account which I’ve done for him before. I didn’t look at any of his emails I didn’t even have gmail open. I’m happy not to do the job applications as they take ages and I’m exhausted as it is

Did he know you were doing it?

So he didn’t know you were going to do this? Yea that is a huge violation! My DH and I did not know each others passwords and saw no reason to interfere at all with his anything.

He is a grown up so treat him like one, woman complain constantly about the thought load on here so dont mother him

He has asked me to do the job applications for him. He asked me to apply for literally anything because he’s so unhappy in his current job. Tbh I’d rather not do the applications at all as I’m already burnt out from my own stressful job and everything I do around the house plus looking after 2 young kids

He knows i am submitting job applications on his behalf. He has repeatedly asked me to do it. Every day he asks how many I sent, what jobs etc., on Sunday he was home while I was doing it and we created the indeed account together by signing into his gmail so it is linked and he was aware of that. I can’t send job applications from my indeed account as that will then have my email and name on it

Only with agreement.

Also sounds like he hasn't specifically asked for help just said he didn't have time to do it.

(Edited, just seen the drip feed)

It's a good question, but OP says "He says he can’t do them himself as he has no time and he doesn’t know how to do them properly."

Presumably, if he didn't want her to do it, he would ask her to help by doing them after he has logged her in, ask her to help by showing him how to do them, research online and learn how to do them himself, lie that he would do them himself and not do so, or otherwise say/claim that he's now happy enough in his current job.

I get that there's a potential privacy issue, but what alternative is there here?

he needs to do his own applications
he does have time - or he has to carve it out so he ca change his situation
You shouldn’t be doing them
He needs to get focused on finding a decent role, register with agencies and his CV looking great

I think you should have asked him. I would always ask my husband if I needed to access something generally thought of as private, like his email or txt messages or medical info ir whatever. It's just respectful isn't it?
I get you were trying to help but I think the majority of people would feel it was invasive for someone to use their email without asking. I know you weren't looking through them but still its a thing that requires explicit permission.
I would be upset if anyone just assumed they could log into my email without directly asking me.

Did you tell him you were going to access his emails?

It's like opening someone's correspondence, fine if they know and are happy, awful if they don't know.

Nice drip feed of doing all the child care. That's not an obvious ploy to get people on your side at all

He’s being ridiculous and demanding
he needs to find his own new job
i wonder if his demands on you and behaviours are how he acts at work

Well you’ll get an army of people saying he’s up to no good and something to hide
but I’m with him nothing at all on my email but would find it a massive invasion of privacy

on the same level as going through my phone ( again nothing to hide on it )

I guess as a kid my parents had no respect for my privacy so I really value it now and possibly over sensitive about it

That’s your issue, enabling a manchild, not his gmail password!

I agree, it would be wrong if I was going into his emails. But I didn’t even open gmail. It is just linked to the indeed account. The log in details were saved on the laptop from the other day when we set up the account together. So I just used the saved details to log in. It must’ve sent a notification to his gmail saying someone had accessed his account. I didn’t look at anything on his gmail at all. All I did was log into indeed and send a couple of applications

I think the last few posters can't have seen OP's update (as indeed I hadn't before I pressed send on my own response.

Without wanting to infantilise anybody, it reminds me of when toddlers stubbornly object to you changing their nappy - when they're hardly going to be doing it for themselves, are they?!

Can see why he'd be upset if he thinks you've be poking around his emails but I'd have been telling him to submit his own job applications before that ocurred. Sure, help him with a CV or identifying jobs ads but he needs to take some responsibility from there on.

But I didn’t access his emails? I didn’t have gmail open at all. I don’t know how to explain but to enter his indeed account you have to log in via gmail. It doesn’t open gmail or anything to do with his emails. All it does is log into indeed

The bigger problem is that you're trying to fix life for an adult man who has less responsibilities than you.

Why the eff are you working full time, sorting the kids out AND applying for jobs for him?! It's not normal or healthy. Give your head a wobble.

Okay, it was hard to tell from your op because you said he doesn't have time to do them and doesn't know how to, which kind of sounds like the excuses people make when they just don't want to actually do anything about the problem. (And you didn't actually say he had asked you to do them on his behalf) I think sometimes one partner might be more skilled at something than the other - maybe you are better at wording letters/emails etc- it's fine to help each other (if there are reciprocal situations where both partners help each other) but for something like this, I think it's better to sit down together and do the applications. It would be pretty awkward for him if someone phoned him up in the afternoon before he gets home, when you sent his application in the morning, and they are calling him about a job "he" has applied for that he actually knows nothing at all about?

You're working full time. You have young kids and you find the time to apply for jobs for him and he says he doesn't have the time. Helping with applications is one thing, but you're doing the whole thing for him.

He's not taking steps to change his situation.

That wouldn't be an attractive characteristic for me at all.