AIBU to be upset partner changed his gmail password?

[Sunshine2361]

My partner is miserable in his job, he’s desperate for a new one so I’ve been helping him by doing job applications for him. He says he can’t do them himself as he has no time and he doesn’t know how to do them properly. I work full time so I’ve been fitting it in on a morning before work, between doing the school run for 2 kids. His indeed job account is linked to his gmail so to log in, I had to log into his gmail account. I did a couple of applications for him this morning then I came back from the school run and he’d sent me a load of texts saying how dare I access his gmail account and he has changed the password and I am never to access it again. AIBU to be really upset since I was literally trying to help him. I didn’t even go into his emails I just used his log in to access his indeed account

Well you know the answer OP, “Hi babe, no problem, you can do your own fucking job applications from now on. Happy to stop helping.”

What a waste of space, he is asking you to do job apps which requires logging in via gmail and then assumes you’re snooping. He must have got a notification about a log in and jumped to conclusions. To be honest, even if he is nice about it I don’t know why you’re doing it when you already work full time and drop the kids to school. He sounds horrible.

I wouldn’t be happy if my partner raised his voice at me and sent me harsh texts like that to be honest. It’s seems a little OTT.

I would expect him to talk to me and I would listen.

Personally, my partner and I access each other’s emails on occasion's, if I want his advice or he wants mine on something. We know each other’s passwords and there is no big drama.

I gather there are other issues as in “ you busy organising kids, have a stressful job as it is , and you don’t have time and feelings ungrateful for asking you as you are already full on. Talk to him about those other issues and maybe get him to help out and stop moaning about his “ email” access lol

I think most responses here assume you looked at his email when you didn’t. If you genuinely didn’t look at his emails and you were only doing the job apps AS HE FRICKING ASKED then YANBU. I think the way you have framed it to begin with makes it sound more unreasonable than it is.

I'd now be wanting to know what he has to hide, tbh! You were doing him a favour.
DH and I are open with our phones and often share passwords for emails and stuff for various reasons. It's never an issue - because we have trust. Of course he's entitled to his privacy, but having a go at you for doing something he's asked you to do is not ok.

Also the strength of the response (when he knows the context of you helping him as asked), being angry etc would set alarm bells ringing that he does have something to hide…. 🚩

Also, just let him do his own applications.
He's a grown man, not a baby. He can read and write, presumably? Why is it up to you?

Tell him no thanks, and that he is to do his half of all housework and parenting.
Otherwise what's the point of him? He's meant to be enhancing your life.

Spot on ! And you now have the perfect out to hand it all back to him.

He's asked you for your help, then lost it?
Stop helping. He can put on his big boy pants and apply for his own jobs.

Surely you need to have a conversation with him. Strangers here can't really help with this. Either he wanted to stop you doing the applications or he is trying to hide something or he changed for security reasons and forgot to update you. These are very different scenarios and you don't know which it is.

Don’t do them. Tell him to adult the fuck up and apply for his own jobs. He is not a child. Is he expecting you to go to the interviews for him too?

I voted you are being unreasonable because you should not be applying for jobs on his behalf, it's bordering on the wrong side of fraudulent. And he's a lazy sod . . .

You shouldn’t be applying for jobs for him anyway OP. He’s an adult that’s for him to do.

I think he is being ridiculous to be annoyed that you accessed his indeed account using the saved password if he knew you were going to be doing applications for him. Does he think you have been in his emails?
Tell him to do his own fucking applications from now on.

I am confused as to why you are applying for jobs for him? What does he mean by he can't do them properly? If he can't even apply for one, how is he going to pass the interview or actually do the job? Has he fully left it to you?
If he isn't doing any, then he should be helping out in the house with chores and childcare. But it appears that you are doing everything- why? If he is so incapable and useless, it seems you might be better off without him. You need to draw a strong line and say you won't be helping with his job search any more.

If she needs to access his account to do the thing he says he can’t do for himself, then his expectation of privacy is ridiculous. He could have avoided it by doing his own job applications, or setting up an email account specifically for job applications.

He has asked me to do the job applications for him. He asked me to apply for literally anything because he’s so unhappy in his current job. Tbh I’d rather not do the applications at all as I’m already burnt out from my own stressful job and everything I do around the house plus looking after 2 young kids

Honestly it sounds like he is a clueless teenager and you are his mum with the job applications. There is no way that wouldn’t give me the ick. I’ve been married for decades and if DH asked me to do this I’d blink like an owl and think he’d gone mad. I have little to no idea what he actually does or how he does it (obviously I know the industry he is in and who his current/previous employers are), I’d have zero chance of doing a resume or job application for him, nor would I want to. Pretty much the same for him and my current job.

We don’t have access to each others passwords for anything, why would we? We don’t want that. Hasn’t been a problem over the decades and it’s not because we are up to anything nefarious, we’re just individuals separate from each other in that respect. Having said that we do have a folder somewhere with passwords after experiencing a friend unexpectedly have their DH die, and they couldn’t even turn on/unlock their devices to repurpose or gift them or do a few other things they wanted to tidy/wrap up. Must now find that and make sure it’s all up to date!

I don't think he was wrong to but equally I think he's totally wrong to have you do his job applications for him. I was stunned at that tbh. He sounds like an idle sod regardless of what else does.

As of now he quits whinging and does his own.

Ask him what was the point, of setting up an Indeed account, then changing the login credentials so that you can't access it, when you were the one supposed to be using it.

Obviously, you can't do his job applications if he's blocking your access to Indeed. So don't bother.

Then tell him he is being utterly unreasonable and he can do his own job applications. You're not his bloody pa.

'He says he can’t do them himself as he has no time and he doesn’t know how to do them properly.'

@Sunshine2361 oh dear, you have a man-child for a partner. Is it time to reconsider the relationship? If you two split up, sounds like you'd have one less child to look after.......

He's taking the piss! He should be doing his own bloody applications, what a useless bastard

He sounds horrific.

"Angry puddle" 😂

Given his attitude, he doesn't deserve @Sunshine2361 helping him.

Sounds as tho he would be equally fast to complain she "isn't supporting him".

So why on earth are you doing them then?! 🙄