AIBU to be upset partner changed his gmail password?

[Sunshine2361]

My partner is miserable in his job, he’s desperate for a new one so I’ve been helping him by doing job applications for him. He says he can’t do them himself as he has no time and he doesn’t know how to do them properly. I work full time so I’ve been fitting it in on a morning before work, between doing the school run for 2 kids. His indeed job account is linked to his gmail so to log in, I had to log into his gmail account. I did a couple of applications for him this morning then I came back from the school run and he’d sent me a load of texts saying how dare I access his gmail account and he has changed the password and I am never to access it again. AIBU to be really upset since I was literally trying to help him. I didn’t even go into his emails I just used his log in to access his indeed account

Yeah quite. He sounds pathetic frankly and OP is doing him no favours babying him like this.

Why aren’t you angry with him? He’s clearly a fucking idiot on loads of levels. Hand it all back to him.

He's capable of doing it himself. He doesn't want to do it be because it's bloody boring. So he's asked you.
Let him do it himself. Guide him if he's truly incapable. He was home with you, yet you did the applications?!

Do you book GP appts etc for him as well?

I cannot imagine doing job applications for a grown adult. But I get why he was annoyed at you accessing his email. It’s entirely fair for him to change his password

Well said

Ugh. Nothing would make my fanny clamp shut faster than a man child who can't apply for a job. How do you sleep in the same bed as him ?

Also if he is so useless he cannot do an application he will likely be useless in the role itself.

You've given us a very clear reason as to why your are not able/willing to do his job applications (full time job, child care, school runs and exhaustion). So nows the time to tell him the same, and to allow him to do what he should - apply for his own fucking job. I have helped give feedback on DH's cv or covering letters a few times but never would I offer nor would he expect for me to do more. I think its a really weird dynamic and you need to stop facilitating it.

I think it’s weird and my automatic reaction would be to question whether he’s hiding something. It would have probably been kind of you to first mention you needed to access his email to verify the Indeed account but his reaction is a bit suspicious. If my DH wanted to log in to mine he’d be welcome to, it’s 99% junk mail.

"Don't be bloody ridiculous, I didn't go through your emails, just used your Google account for authentication to Indeed. But since you've decided it's such a huge issue, you can do your own job applications."

He’s obviously not the sharpest tool in the shed - he can’t apply for his own jobs and doesn’t understand about using google to login to other systems. Coupled with the fact the idea you had seen his email scared him to death so he obviously has something to hide - I would be looking to re evaluate my relationship.

Why are you applying for jobs for him? That is weird for a start. I would stop and tell him to crack on since he doesn't like you using his gmail. Stop babying him.

Gmail accounts are free - if he’s that worried about you seeing his emails then he could create an address that’s specifically for logging in to the job applications.

If he doesn’t use it for anything else then there’ll be nothing personal in there for you to see.

Alternatively, tell him you’re not doing any more for him!

First of all fair enough email accounts are private; but he shouldn’t have gone on at you, as you needed it to help him. Though, kindly op after this, you should now back off and leave him to it.

of course he says ‘He says he can’t do them himself as he has no time and he doesn’t know how to do them properly‘ as he knew you’d jump
in and do them for him! FFS does he think youve got the time, youve said you’re burnt out, you are up doing his job stuff before you own work!! So if he was living alone he’d have to learn the skill of applying for jobs and do it himself. Don’t enable anymore op, he doesn’t sound even slightly grateful for all your help!!

He needs to find his own job- why on earth are you doing it for him?

I know DP's passwords, he knows mine - I cannot think of a situation where I would need to access his emails withou him being there but I would still ask! Otherwise it seems you are checking up on him? Same way if I need to google something and my phone isnt there, I would use his, but I would tell him I was doing so.

Tell him to do his own fucking job applications. When he whinges that he can't - explain he is going to be stuck in his current job forever then. I can perhaps understand him being a little bit narked if he thinks you've been through his email but there's a way of asking and explaining .Being rude and aggressive about it is the way he's chosen to do it so he lives with the consequences.

Explain to him what you've done and that you were trying to help him. Then stop doing his job applications for him. He's a grown-up.

He is being ridiculous! If he wants you to do the applications for him (which is also ridiculous) then he can’t complain when you need to access his email to send them for him..

FOR GOODNESS SAKE !!!!

There is only ONE reason why he has reacted in this way - there are E-mails in his Inbox / Sent folders, that he doesn't want you to see.

Other woman?
Subscribed to dating websites?
Subscribed to Porn sites?
Subscribed to Hook up sites?

There is no other reason for him to want to hide his E-mails from his wife.

Anyone who wants to hide their E-mails from their spouse, does indeed have something to hide.

My E-mail account is open on my laptop all the time - DH could easily read all my E-mails. Why on earth would that be a problem?

You have 3 children and no partner.

So you didn't actually access his Gmail, you accessed his Google account - to which Gmail is linked but also is your profile for Chrome etc and can be used for log ins like Indeed. It seems he is not aware of the difference (along with various posters here). If he asked you to do this, and it needs his Google login to do it, then he is being extremely unreasonable!

And that.

You need to refuse to help him any more. He's being really ungrateful and unreasonable if he has asked you to complete and send off some job applications on his behalf which require you to access his gmail account.

He can do it all himself and he won't have any reason to complain.