AIBU to be upset partner changed his gmail password?

[Sunshine2361]

My partner is miserable in his job, he’s desperate for a new one so I’ve been helping him by doing job applications for him. He says he can’t do them himself as he has no time and he doesn’t know how to do them properly. I work full time so I’ve been fitting it in on a morning before work, between doing the school run for 2 kids. His indeed job account is linked to his gmail so to log in, I had to log into his gmail account. I did a couple of applications for him this morning then I came back from the school run and he’d sent me a load of texts saying how dare I access his gmail account and he has changed the password and I am never to access it again. AIBU to be really upset since I was literally trying to help him. I didn’t even go into his emails I just used his log in to access his indeed account

Changing password is normal, I change mine occasionally to ensure the safety of my account.

However, making job applications on behalf of someone else is really weird. How is he going to perform in a job if he's not even able to apply like a grown up man?

he’s desperate for a new one so I’ve been helping him by doing job applications for him. He says he can’t do them himself as he has no time and he doesn’t know how to do them properly.

Tell him 'Do your own fucking applications then.' and leave him to his misery. What an idiot. Plus, he's up to something he shouldn't be.

Hates his job but thinks has no time to apply for jobs, but even though you feel burnt out from your job and you do the childcare and housework on top of that, you are able to his job applications?

Then he has the gall to complain about you using his account linked to his email, for the thing he asked you to do?

What does he do when he is not working? Clearly not housework and childcare.

What are his redeeming qualities? I doubt any of them could make up for the above failures.

Agreed.

Apparently @Sunshine2361 took the time to help him even with her own job, and looking after children and the home they share.

I would tell him you are trying to help but because he spoke to you like shit he can sort his own life out.

Does he do anything in the house? Does he do any of the grunt work with the children? Let me guess - no.

So he is unhappy with his job situation but is taking no responsibility for improving it, pushing it on to you and then moaning at you for doing what needs to be done to do what he asked. Email access issue aside, you aren’t responsible for doing his adulting for him. Tell him he’s an ungrateful prick and use the time for you.

YABU for marrying a man child and taking full responsibility for him.

The bigger problem is that you are with a man-baby who can't make his own job applications.

OK, well then he can apply for his own bloody jobs, instead of sitting in an angry puddle. FFS

YABVU

Firstly, for logging into his emails.
It doesn’t matter that you didn’t click on them, it’s still a massive privacy violation and I would be raging if my DH logged into any of my personal stuff.

Secondly, for acting like his mother.
Why are you applying for jobs on his behalf - if he wants a new one then he can apply for them.
Even my teen applies for their own jobs.

Get him to log into indeed, upload his CV and write a cover letter that he can edit.
Once it’s on your profile, you literally just click ‘apply’.

For jobs needing to manually input your information, he’ll have his CV to hand and it’s just a case of typing it up.

If he really wants a new job then he’d apply for one.
Stop being such a martyr - I literally can’t understand why you’d even suggest doing this for him.

OP did not log into his emails, she logged into his Indeed account, which is an online recruitment site.

Personally I would tell the ungratful brat that he finds himself a job by himself.

OP how did he expect you to apply for jobs without accessing his email? What did he actually want you to do here? It sounds like he has said he wanted you to do a task, then had a go at you for doing a task in the only way it can possibly be done? (Like can you fetch me this object from my wallet, then having a go at you for going through his wallet).

But...take a step back. You work full time, you do everything in the house, you do everything for the kids. And he works. And gives you tasks and then criticises you for it. It sounds a very unequal partnership and a dynamic where you're effectively his parent. It's not normal for someone who doesn't like their job, to get their partner to apply for others in such a passive way (what have you applied for me today then!?). Most partners will check each others CVs and give each other advice and that's it.

Would he do anything similar for you, if you were stressed and hated your job?

You are being unreasonable to do job applications for him! If he can’t fill out his own applications then how is he going to do the job? Don’t enable a man child… maybe if Mr Big Man wants privacy he can also be an adult and run his own life

You aren’t helping him, you are enabling him to not take responsibility for his life. Are you planning to hold his hand in interviews? Come on OP, I suspect he’s not big on responsibility if you are already carrying the mental and domestic load.

You are making a rod for your own back, a rod he will use against you whenever he sees fit, this situation is a perfect example of it.

Step back, you can’t help someone if they are unwilling to help themselves.

I guess this is the perfect excuse to not do the applications anymore. You're working full time, looking after the house / kids etc etc and burnt out. He can do his own applications if he's that unhappy.

He says he can’t do them himself as he has no time and he doesn’t know how to do them properly.

Lol. 🤦

You married an idiot or lazy bastard.
The gmail is the least of the issues here

No one enjoys applying for jobs. What else do you do for him that he finds difficult?

Your husband is an adult man, he’s old enough to procreate, he’s old enough to send a fucking email to get a better job.

stop mothering him! You’re not helping him, you’re babying him.

I’d tell him you were not reading his emails. You were sending applications for him via indeed and it’s linked. He’d know this if he was applying himself. No thanks for all the time I’ve taken doing applications. I’m not doing any more applications for you, you can do them yourself.
If he hadn’t been a dick I’d have said sitting together and doing it was best. He’ll know what’s he’s done, can answer in own words and you assist with tech side but I wouldn’t now.

He sounds pretty ungrateful. I have access to all of my husbands accounts as I also help him with his ‘life admin’ - he wouldn’t care at all if I accessed his emails, he would see it as me doing him a favour. I’m not sure he knows his email passwords anyway. I’m the one who helps him every time he forgets them. But then I guess he has nothing to hide from me 🤷🏼‍♀️

You’re not his secretary or PA, he needs to apply for jobs himself. If he’s that desperate for a new job, he’d do it himself.

I find that weird. My email account is open all the time. If it shuts down I have to hunt for the password. My late DH didn't have an email account separate from mine i.e. all emails went to both of us and the account uses his name not mine. Why does your DH think that his gmail account is private from you? What's he doing on it?

This.

Also OP - people only read the first post where you did say you "logged into his Gmail" when you meant that you clicked the "log in via Gmail" button, right? You'll get post after post questioning that - if you reply to all of them you'll be here all day.

Let him apply for his own flipping jobs. Sure once you have a basic template in place, it shouldn’t be too hard for him to simply copy stuff across as necessary.

I also don’t really understand why anyone would be so precious about their email address. If he wanted to keep things private, he should have created a separate account just for job applications. But then he’d probably expect you to do that for him too. DP can look at my emails any time he wants as I’m not hiding anything. I check DP’s emails more often than he does because otherwise he would miss stuff because he has ADHD and emails aren’t floating two inches from his face all day every day, which is the only way he’d remember. And even then …🤣

He doesn't understand how his Google account works plus is a rude ungrateful dick plus appears to have something to hide! Up to you whether or how to address any of that, but for sure stop doing his job applications for him.