Learning to drive is my husband bu

[lownessy]

Early 30s and learning to drive have weekly lessons my driving instructor had suggested I try practice driving during the week with out him if I can. My husband is refusing saying he won’t take me out as he doesn’t feel comfortable. I have no one else who could either. I am on the insurance for the car and I paid the deposit for it if that makes any difference. Today we had a 3 minute journey from our house to pick our toddler up and I suggested I drive there but he said no. I’ve had a lessons for a while now and just waiting for my theory test before we can look at me being ready to book my actual test. I couldn’t get a date for theory for a while. I’m desperate to get some more driving in but actual lessons are so expensive and I really just want to be able to practice driving with out being told go left go right etc I just want to be able to practicing driving myself to say the supermarket with someone sat with me in the car. I find 6 days between lessons a very long gap but can’t afford any more and husband can’t take any more time off to allow me to have lessons he goes in an hour late to work on a certain day.

It's important that the supervisor feels comfortable with it, and he doesn't. I think you have to have the right temperament for it.

Your husband is being really unreasonable and unkind, why does he not want you driving?

My guess is he likes you not being able to drive.

He actually hates that I don’t drive but says he didn’t feel comfortable teaching me

Of course he isnt being unreasonable. You cant force someone into that position if they aren’t comfortable.
Doubly so that I presume you’d need to take your toddler with you in the car also which is incredibly risky.

I agree. My dad was able to take me out driving but he is a flying instructor so very calm. Mum was a complete fucking nightmare. She would grab the handbrake every time she felt a bit nervous which meant I did a handbrake turn on the dual carriageway (I was driving perfectly sensibly and passed my test less than a week later, she just couldn’t cope with it.)

You absolutely don't want to be in a car with someone who is not comfortable supervising you. My ex was constantly yanking on handbrake because he felt anxious with me driving. Two trips and I pulled the plug on it myself because it wasn't safe.
I passed my test just on the back of having weekly driving lessons. It's perfectly possible so I wouldn't worry about it. With the length of time you have to wait for test, you'll have plenty of practice with your instructor.

What a load of bollocks

Your instructor has dual controls

Your husband does not

YABU

I hate going out with a learner.
Dh loves it.

I'm also not very good at it because I get stressed and Then the learner gets stressed.

Dh just says things like "a little further from the hedge next time" as the car goes into it...

Don't push him if he isn't confident - it won't be good for either of you.

It’s not as easy as you think to supervise and teach a learner driver. My mum refused to teach me. I had to learn through lessons. I got there in the end and have been driving for 12 years.

I learnt to drive with weekly lessons. Went out with my dad once and my sister once. That was enough for me. Didn't even consider my dm because her temperament was incompatible with mine. Passed 1st time which seemed to surprise my dm.

YABU, if he doesn’t feel comfortable supervising a learner then he shouldn’t do it. It’s not something I would want to do either.

I only went with my dh once that was more than enough for both of us. As a pp i also passed 1st time with only weekly lessons.

I wouldn't push it if he isn't keen op.

Even when partners are willing, I've known couples to really fall out over it. It is stressful.

Someone I worked with said they ended up not talking all evening after every session together: he thought she was not listening and was stressed by her driving; she thought he was being unduly harsh.

It needs people suited to the job and you are both fighting about it before it has even happened!

I took my husband out twice and that was enough , the second time we had a big row when he lost his rag after stalling at a junction and I told him to get out of the car and took over. He did pass and is great driving now - I can relax in the passenger seat

Perhaps suggest to your husband that you start off off the roads for example in a large car park or on an industrial estate in the evening when it’s quiet? He may feel more comfortable supervising you on the road if he can see you’re already a competent driver. Failing that do you have any friends who would sit with you?

Sorry but this is quite a reach given the limited info we have.

My husband can’t drive but there isn’t a chance in hell I’d take him out.
Nothing to do with not wanting him to drive.

It does depend on your personalities/ what people feel comfortable with and if he isn’t comfortable it would be dangerous to push it.

I taught my elder son to drive no problems but my younger one says he doesn’t want me teaching him as he thinks I will stress him out. It would be a lot cheaper for me to teach him (I’m paying for it all) but ultimately he doesn’t feel comfortable with me so that’s the end of it. Ive booked him an intensive course.

I don’t think you can insist your husband takes you out.

I don’t think it comes naturally to some people but really he’s not teaching you to drive. He’s an extra pair of eyes and experienced judgement.

I take my son out to practice. First thing I did was get him to show me how to stop (on an empty street) so I knew he could follow that instruction, and then we were off.

Could you get your instructor to speak to DH to assure him you are competent to practice?

I passed with instructor lessons only. This was some years ago but it was in a busy city so there was a lot of traffic. No one in my immediate family drove and we didn’t have a car in the family so I couldn’t practice in between either. Oh actually I did let my boyfriend at the time take me out once, but it was an absolute disaster and we fell out practically immediately. I think I only had about 12 lessons because that was all I could afford at the time – and this was back when they were about £8.50 an hour – and I passed the first time. When my two sons were learning to drive though I did let them drive to school with me in the passenger seat. I absolutely hated it to be honest. They both passed first time, but I don’t think it was down to me as I was giving off serious stress vibes. So no, I don’t think it’s the essential to practice in between lessons.

I wouldn't be comfortable with a learner driver either. I think YABU and you may realise that yourself once you pass.

YABU driving school cars have dual controls. Your DH's car wont have, and I can understand why he would feel uncomfortable with it all.

I never did any driving between lessons when I was learning.

My ex was insistent that we did this, as his superior driving ability would ensure that I passed my test.

Got to the massive junction in the pissing rain, he refused to wind the window down enough to stop everything steaming up (the fan wasn't enough) and lit up a cigarette, declaring that I'd have to get used to distractions soon enough if I was ever going to pass my test.

I frantically wound my window down with him bellowing at me as we were stopped at the lights, cleared enough of the condensation off the windshield to be able to see where I was going, drove through the junction with him yelling at me to put my foot down and just pull alongside/undertake the artic about to turn left at an angle, turned left to a minor road, parked, took the keys out the ignition, checked behind me before opening the door, got out - and walked to the bus stop.

I was apparently completely unreasonable for not wanting him to 'teach' me.

It's far better your DH refuses.

There’s no way I would supervise a learner driver. I would be very nervous and that’s not a safe situation for either person.

I don’t think it’ll be beneficial to you to go out with someone that’s nervous about it. It’ll just knock your confidence. I also would never take a learner out tbh. It’s very different as an instructor with dual controls than without.