Learning to drive is my husband bu

[lownessy]

Early 30s and learning to drive have weekly lessons my driving instructor had suggested I try practice driving during the week with out him if I can. My husband is refusing saying he won’t take me out as he doesn’t feel comfortable. I have no one else who could either. I am on the insurance for the car and I paid the deposit for it if that makes any difference. Today we had a 3 minute journey from our house to pick our toddler up and I suggested I drive there but he said no. I’ve had a lessons for a while now and just waiting for my theory test before we can look at me being ready to book my actual test. I couldn’t get a date for theory for a while. I’m desperate to get some more driving in but actual lessons are so expensive and I really just want to be able to practice driving with out being told go left go right etc I just want to be able to practicing driving myself to say the supermarket with someone sat with me in the car. I find 6 days between lessons a very long gap but can’t afford any more and husband can’t take any more time off to allow me to have lessons he goes in an hour late to work on a certain day.

DH tried to help me learn and it was awful - we had several huge arguments and eventually we both refused to do it anymore.

This is a great idea. Parking practice after hours (ie; when there are no other cars) would be good.

Yep, and not only that, but how many drivers out there would pass their test now if they suddenly had to take it again?
OP's DH could end up teaching her his bad habits.

You can't make him do it but I think he is being quite selfish to dismiss the idea outright.. presumably he has never been in a car with you driving so has no idea of how well you drive, he should at least make a short journey with you driving before he decides one way or the other.

And for people saying they would be reluctant to teach, OP doesn't need teaching, she needs practice, she just needs someone who can sit in the car while she practices what she has already learned.

My mum put me on the insurance on her car and let me drive to the seaside and back one day, and here there and everywhere, she never tried to teach me, she just let me do the driving, I felt like it helped me a lot, as when you are on a lesson you are constantly waiting for the next instruction, next instruction, which can be quite stressful in itself and isn't at all like real driving where you are making the decisions.

Anything like this which can help you become a more confident driver should at least be considered before throwing the idea out the window.

🤣🤣🤣 Winner of the weirdest post of the day!

I get you OP. I learned to drive in my 30s and my DH has never been a happy passenger and still isn’t. Maybe it’s a control thing, maybe it’s my driving.

For you: book as many lessons with your instructor as you can afford to maximise your practice hours. I used to do 2 lessons per week

I had my own car when I was learning, a right old banger. I insured my friend on my car, she collected me in the morning and I drove us to and from work every day, and she got use of my car at all other times. I think that helped loads with confidence tbh, and OP I can see where you're coming from. My friend did not teach me to drive, I just practiced driving while she sat with me. I guess that's all you want from hubby? Not unreasonable.

Any friends who can help? Good luck when you get your test dates!

Is this really the only guess you can come up with?

Good lord, you must be fairly difficult to get on with if your mind leaps over all the other perfectly plausible possible reasons, to get to this.

He is being neither of those things, but you are. How dare you put these stupid ideas in the OP’s head? Absolutely shameful.

You've obviously not got the first idea how stressful it can be to supervise a learner driver without dual controls. The OPs husband is perfectly within his rights to not want to do something that makes him uncomfortable. It’s got nothing to do with your bizarre idea that he doesn’t want her driving. Genuinely, how dare you?

Do you have any companies near you that hire dual control cars (Arnold Clark does it), maybe you could do that, so you can get private practise in but he also has some control of the pedals? He might be a bit more relaxed instead of using the family car ?

YABU and I think it was a little unfair of your instructor to suggest this.

You'll just have to be patient and await your test date. Many of us pass our test without having any practice time in between lessons.

Your husband is perfectly reasonable to have a boundary like this. Supervising a learner in a car is a big deal when you've no dual controls, I don't blame him for being uncomfortable with it.

Teaching someone or even just supervising someone to drive without dual controls can be insanely stressful and scary, for various reasons dh had to teach me to drive fully, no instructor and honestly it’s the closest we’ve ever come to potentially a divorce. I don’t think I could do it if the roles were reversed and be the supervising one. But how about broaching as pp have said, very quiet place driving with him, like practising manoeuvres in an empty carpark type thing and seeing if he’s open to working up from there

My DH couldn’t cope with his DF when he was practising or with our AC when they were practising, so I took them out. He gets too stressed. You don’t necessarily need your DH. Ask another qualified driver to go out with you.

I took my sister out years ago but she hired the dual control car as i refused without pedals. Hard as i tried not to i couldn’t help braking as she was driving too fast a lot of the time. Once was enough for both of us 15 years later & she still drives too fast & i hate being in her car! Wouldn’t do it again

My ex took me out once .... I stopped the car and got out!

I took each of my 4 kids out when they were learning. Every. Single. Time. they needed to go somewhere. For months.

I still have nightmares now! I did it because them passing would make such a difference to my life. No bus route here and in the middle of nowhere, so every time they wanted to go to college or see friends, mum's taxi had to do it.

I don't blame your DP OP, it's not easy!

Yabu i wouldn't do this for anyone i don't have dual control and if anything happens it falls on the licenced driver. I would also find it incredibly stressful so would be a terrible teacher.

Many years ago, when I was a teenager, my father refused to take me out when I was learning to drive. He said I made him a nervous wreck!

I was reminded of that when my own children were learning. I did let them practise with me after they had had a number of proper lessons with the instructor, but I didn’t enjoy it, and they weren’t always happy with my helpful suggestions or my body language!

My husband rarely drives and has lost a bit of confidence in doing so. A few years ago we agreed that he should drive on a particular long trip, to help get him back into practice. After about two miles I was feeling so uncomfortable as his passenger that I asked him to stop and we swapped over.

It may be frustrating but if your husband isn’t completely happy, it’s much better for both of you that he doesn’t take you out.

It’s horrendous taking a learner out. I’ve done it with x3 ds over the years. All competent drivers who passed 1st or 2nd time, but you have no idea how being in the passenger seat with an unqualified driver and no dual controls gives you such a scary new perspective on spatial awareness! The tension in the car was palpable, and none of them asked more than a couple of times. Sorry boys…

I can understand him totally. Sitting in the car with a learner is a whole new level of terror and not everyone is cut out for it. So far I've Sat with 3 of my kids while they're learning and I white knuckle it the whole time.

one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in life was to take my daughter out in the car in between lessons. We had so many rows. I am nearly getting the stress as second child will need the same and the time is fast approaching.
I had to do it, I made it my mission to force myself to do it as

1. lessons are expensive
2. we are rural and my life changed for the better once she could drive I can see why the vote is 50/50. Lessons are expensive and you want to speed it up. If I was really rich there is no way I would sit in a car with an L driver.

What terrible thing to say. How dare you try and cause problems in a marriage by saying something so horrible when you don't know anything about it.

Much more likely is he knows he isn't a good teacher and that would cause issues. I remember my dad trying to teach me and he was so stressed and angry it caused tension which was no fault of his because he was thrust into a role he wasn't suitable for. Teaching isn't an automatic skill.

In answer to the O.P practice with someone is good unless it would have a detrimental impact which your husband has wisley pointed out at the get go

Tbh I’m a later in life learner driver and I think it’s a tall order to sit in a car with a learner driver, in a normal car, when you aren’t a professional driving teacher with that extra awareness and it’s also a normal car without dual controls.

This is a huge reach. Not everyone likes sitting with a learner (and by OP’s admission she needs the practice). The DH could certainly be more helpful but it doesn’t necessarily make him controlling!

I can see why he is now an ex!

Accompanying a learner driver without dual controls is scary.