Learning to drive is my husband bu

[lownessy]

Early 30s and learning to drive have weekly lessons my driving instructor had suggested I try practice driving during the week with out him if I can. My husband is refusing saying he won’t take me out as he doesn’t feel comfortable. I have no one else who could either. I am on the insurance for the car and I paid the deposit for it if that makes any difference. Today we had a 3 minute journey from our house to pick our toddler up and I suggested I drive there but he said no. I’ve had a lessons for a while now and just waiting for my theory test before we can look at me being ready to book my actual test. I couldn’t get a date for theory for a while. I’m desperate to get some more driving in but actual lessons are so expensive and I really just want to be able to practice driving with out being told go left go right etc I just want to be able to practicing driving myself to say the supermarket with someone sat with me in the car. I find 6 days between lessons a very long gap but can’t afford any more and husband can’t take any more time off to allow me to have lessons he goes in an hour late to work on a certain day.

Driving 22 years here; confident. I would not like to supervise a learner.

Am loving all the suggestions of practising in an empty car park.

It was after I (aged 17) hit a fence post in an empty car park that my father decided that enough was enough and he wouldn’t sit with me again!

Apparently I accelerated into it. Presumably I was trying to brake but got the wrong pedal.

My daughter is due to take her test soon but I found it really stressful at first to supervise her. I’m Ok now she’s a confident driver but my DH was more relaxed when she was a total beginner. Her instructor told her to drive every time she was in the car so it is vital to practice between lessons. Perhaps you could ask him after you’ve 10 lessons as you are not a total beginner then? Good luck with learning to drive!

My husband took me out once, we had an argument, we got out to change sides and he drove off and left me to walk home ! We laugh about it now, 35 years later !!
If someone is comfortable doing it it’s really not fair to force them to.

I did take my daughters out occasionally, I remember pushing my feet into the floor at times trying to brake ! It can be pretty scary.

I can't vote because I don't think either is unreasonable. It is horrible not to be able to practice between lessons when you really want to but if DH is genuinely scared to do it then that's not unreasonable either.

We did strart by talking our daughter to Sainsbury's car park on Sunday after it is closed so that DH might realise that it's not scarey...

I think your husband sounds like a bit of a wet wipe, quite honestly. He isn't "teaching" you, he's just supervising your practice. Bleating about not feeling comfortable....honestly, in life we all have to do things that make us a bit uncomfortable, he is really being quite unreasonable about it. But it is what it is, so if there's really no other adult who can sit in the car with you while you practice, you'll just have to make do with your lessons. Im sure you'll be fine.

If your driving instructor thinks you’re ready to go out with your h, then your driving must be at a certain level. But you can’t force him to take out out.

has he actually seen you drive?

Do you have any other friends it family you can practise with?

And what could possibly happen on a 3-minute drive to the shops?

Could you ask your instructor if dh could sit in the back for a lesson so he can see how competent you are?

I mean, people have accidents outside their own homes. The fact that it's only a 3 minute journey is pretty irrelevant.

Hah, I did something similar when I learnt to drive. I got my car stuck on a log that was meant to be the "end" of the parking space. Oops 😂

Not really. Possibility is that the roads will be 30mph or even 20mph limits. It’s a very short drive. Op isn’t asking her h to supervise her driving to Timbuctoo.

And also it might depend on how easily you could manage without the car and/or with an increased insurance premium if the learner has an accident while practicing in the family car.

Sorry, but YABU.

I refused to sit beside my DH when he was driving even though he’d passed his test, as he was a shit driver. He wasn’t at all confident and would constantly be shouting things like ‘which lane should I be in’ about 300yards from a junction.

Thankfully, he’s stopped trying to drive now so I don’t have to endure it. 😳

You may be a perfectly safe driver but it’s very stressful for someone like me sitting in the passenger seat and not having access to the brakes or steering. I hate being a passenger unless I’m completely confident of the ability of the person driving.

I only had formal driving lessons when I was a youngster and still passed my test. My dad would never allow me to drive his car even after I passed.

In your shoes, I’d prioritise paying for extra lessons unless you can get a friend to sit in the family car with you? Some people are far more relaxed as passengers. I’m not one of them! 🤷🏻‍♀️

This ☝🏻
I tried taking a learner out for a drive once! NEVER AGAIN!

Right, but she could still have an accident or do something silly, and he doesn't have the back-up of dual controls.

At the end of the day he's the one with the full license and he has every right to say he's not comfortable supervising a learner.

It's not just sitting in a passenger seat, that's the thing.
Learners haven't been deemed safe and competent drivers. The person who does actually have a full driving licence needs to supervise properly and it is a responsibility. One that some people just don't want ( and I don't blame them for feeling that way).

Will he be willing to go out in the car with her once she's passed the test? She won't be a good driver until she has many miles under her belt

That's a bit different though - when she's passed her test, he's no longer deemed responsible for her.

I think he’s being a little bit tight there, particularly since you have no one else you can ask.

having said that, it is commonly believed that married people should not attempt to teach their spouse to drive as it ends in divorce…

I did not take any of my 4 kids out when learning I have always thought a learner should be with a professional with dual controls.

@Mistletoeiggi That was my concern with my two when they were learning to drive. 20 hours of driving experience with an instructor isn’t enough, IMO, you need more to become a good driver.

@Iloveeverycat I was the complete opposite, too nervous to let them drive alone without lots of experience! Both of mine had close to 80 hours of driving experience (including lessons) when they passed their tests. I noticed a big improvement after 20 hours; after 50, I was completely relaxed with them, they’d mastered everything from motorways to city traffic jams.

Of course, it took months to do this, we had to go out every evening and weekends.

I agree with this 100%. My husband will happily take my son out but I won’t. I’m really not comfortable with it, and that’s the end of the conversation.

Longer opening hours for supermarkets have stopped a lot of young drivers taking their first tentative driving steps, they were very useful for learning the basic controls before having proper lessons.