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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

When can I share the real reasons I divorced my ex?

176 replies

Supportedinstep · 15/01/2026 20:25

Kids are 15/16 and I divorced their father in 2020 when the police removed him. He was financially and coercively controlling and I had been trying to amicably split since 2018 and we were all over long before that really.

He continues to attempt to control me in any way he can, spoiling plans, cancelling things, refusing to pay his share, and now the CMS have been involved, as have the police.

I met my lovely partner in 2021 and he has been nothing but kind to my children. We don’t live together, have no plans to, and he is never put in the position of a parent.

I paid my ex off as a part of our divorce which is why I still have a mortgage. He rarely sees the kids and doesn’t think he should have to use his annual leave or pay for childcare as that’s what I’m for, because I wanted the divorce.

I’ve kept the details of the divorce and his behaviour from the children. I kept the house, and am very happy. He saw the children over Christmas and one of them remarked he had been hiking for the afternoon with my partner. My ex went mad and said that if it wasn’t for him, my ex would have kept the house and that I was seeing him before we divorced and that my ex is “financially ruined” because of me. NONE of this is true.

This confuses the children and they say they don’t know who to believe. I feel like showing them a copy of the consent order which details the payments made and our situation and also the appalling behaviour which I put as grounds for divorce and which my ex husband signed. They’re currently not speaking to my partner as “he ruined Dad’s life.”

WWYD?

OP posts:
Aligirlbear · 22/01/2026 13:55

They are old enough to know. As your ex has told your DC “his truth” it’s important that you share the real reasons. I would sit them down and share the consent order with them, but warn them they will read things that they might find difficult but you are trusting them with the facts so they can make their own minds up. There will likely be some tears , questions and silence for a while but they need to understand the truth otherwise they will sabotage your home life and relationship with your DP and them if they are left to believe it was all your fault.

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