FIL pissed me of

[Shakeyshakeybaby]

So totally expect to be told I'm unreasonable but hear me out. Myself and DH are married 25 years, three DC aged 17 , 16 and 14. We have only been away from our kids once since the oldest was born and that was for three nights. PIL minded the kids. They have never offered and apart from those three nights we never asked as we knew they wouldn't mind the kids , especially FIL.

So about three weeks ago my DH booked two nights away for me and him. It's a 40 minute flight. He asked MIL could she just stay the two nights in our house with the kids. She agreed. Kids get on well with MIL. Kids are good kids but just wanted an adult there with us being in a different country. All good so far.

The thing is one of our DDs plays soccer at a high level and she has just signed for a new team and has a match on Sunday. We thought all the paperwork might not be gone through on time so we would be ok to go away. Bear in mind that during the season we are unable to go away due to her football.

So DH asked FIL could he bring her. His response was " no I go to lidl on a Sunday morning". This was after DH had just done FIL a huge favour ( not the first time). He then had the neck to say" I will drop your mother around on Friday night, I heard you are ordering takeaway so I will stay for that and then head home"

I think it’s one of those posts where we can say anything or make any suggestion, but all OP really wants is for posters to agree that yes, FIL is an arsehole

I despair for the future, if there are some young people for whom working out the logistics of a 15 mile journey without their parents is insurmountable.

Jesus if she is in Ireland and lives rurally every single teen as soon as turn 17 start taking driving lesson. Everyone ! you want to see the amount of cars parked outside secondary schools. I do know now though all learners must have a full licence driver with them. But you can not live in Ireland countryside without knowing how to drive
but still if live ruarally and into sports well used to getting lifts busses etc to sports events - you get used to that living in the country 🤣 there is always someone who knows someone who is going somewhat that direction 😝

@Shakeyshakeybaby

You are asking someone to give you something that they are not willing to give.

You need to accept that and plan and act accordingly.

FIL is NOT going to help you with this. Focus on a plan that does not involve him.

Then think about how much you are willing to do for him going forward.

Why on earth not as it’s very important for their sibling? If they refuse as just don’t fancy it or have something better to do surely no better than your FIL no?

Yes both the young adult and the mature adult equally selfish and useless

What are you hoping to achieve OP ?
He said no-move on and find another solution or she misses the match end of no?

Could a sibling go with her in the taxi , with some cash for coffee shop/shopping as a reward ?

I do not understand why she can't go with her older sister in a taxi. The sister can sit in a coffee shop (paid for by mum and dad) with her laptop and do homework or watch crap on Netflix while the younger girl plays.

If you're in Ireland then the public transport is totally understandable, sometimes even Irish people don't get how limited it is in different counties. I have the pick of buses, train, dart, taxis etc my sister in the next county has one bus an hour walk to it and it's every hour, no taxis, she can pre book one 2 days in advance if needed.

That distance even if your DD could get a taxi would adding in Sunday rate premium and pre book approx 60.00 - 75.00 euro one way. Quite expensive !

Some counties really are limited with public transport.

While children here do use it, it wouldn't be like the UK where they are doing it from a young age. Many country schools have private buses, many schools across Ireland are local and can be walked to or parents drive them.

While my now adult children have used every type of transport, it wouldn't have been common getting taxis from one county to another, it's too expensive for one.

We definitely have a different way of living regarding travel and our public transport is dire !

Good that your bil is taking her, give him a ring when he's supposed to be up and ready to go collect her. It will be good to have someone with her she knows, she'll need to be relaxed and not stressing over buses and taxis.

Not rude at all, in what way rude? Did she call OP names? Was she sarcastic, condescending, snappy? No. The child needs to be more independent, the poster is right. This situation would be a good occasion for the child to get out of their comfort zone and either call herslef the coach she can't make it or take a taxi. She is just one year away from adulthood, how would she manage in the big wide world? People her age commute to jobs and for education.

I’d pay/bribe the 17 year old to go with her in a taxi or at least have this as a back up if your brother is unreliable

Your FIL sounds horrible

Some of the posters on these threads will just argue the opposite of what the OP says. It’s not you OP. Perfectly reasonable to be annoyed your FIL is refusing to help when he is barely asked because he can’t go to Lidl at a different time. Nothing wrong with Granny coming and spending time with your kids whilst you’re away. That’s what they asked for and i’d enjoy my holiday a lot more knowing someone was there overnight.

My DD is 17 and she hates getting a taxi and before 2 days ago when the car broke before a mock, has said she would rather miss school than go in a taxi. She has flown to south east asia on her own, so isn’t mollycoddled or treated like a baby, but is just nervous of this. Hopefully now she’s done it once?

Glad your BIL has agreed to help.

Have you got a best mate that would take her? I’d do that for my friend and her child

I'm shocked with the replies. From the OP, I read this as being Ireland too.

Kids here don't leave secondary school until 18/19, so at 16, is still very young.

Getting taxis at that age is not the norm at all. Outside of urban areas, it's very difficult to get taxis. There is also the safety aspect to consider. There have been a number of high profile issues in the past which has most likely influenced parents on this. No way would I send my 16 yr daughter off on her own in a taxi (we're rural) if I didn't know the driver/company.

Driving at 17 isn't the norm either. There are mandorary sets of trainings required, long test waits, high insurance costs which has impacted. Learner drivers can't drive without a licensed driver (not sure if that's same in UK).

The football/ soccer setup at that level here, means players do need to travel distances. Pitches are often very remote with little to no facilities around (clubhouse, tea, coffee). The idea of getting public transport to these locations is laughable. Outside of main cities, there isn't that infrastructure here.

Hope you get sorted OP 💐

Youre not accepting any alternatives. Taxi is obvious. DD will have yo be uncomfortable once.

Why can’t 17 year old go in the ‘lovely coffee shop’

The op said they're accessed by car, the DD doesn't drive.

She could not go for that one day.

This reply comes across as rude, which I’m sure wasn’t your intention. I don’t think posters are misunderstanding the basics. People are trying to help and suggest solutions.

If there is no solution that you feel comfortable with, then perhaps she needs to miss that (one) weekend…

For those asking why cant the two girls travel together in the taxi , this wouldnt be appropriate in the travelling community. Two underage girls would not be able to travel by taxi alone unaccompanied and the older sister would not be able to sit in a cafe alone for 2 hours either . If their brother was over 18 he would be able to accompany them but not if he is younger

Give eldest €50 & taxi fare to go with DD and stand at the side of the pitch as a one off

Well I agree with you but apparently the OP is from the travelling community so not wanting DDs to travel unaccompanied with a man they don't know (taxi driver) makes sense now but OP was insisting that kids in her country don't take taxis. I suspect that this may be a case of someone from the travelling community thinking that the whole rest of the country is like that (i.e. kids don't take taxis) when actually it is traveller kids don't take taxis, but not realising the difference as they are in their traveller bubble.

Honestly, I don't think a lot of the posters are trying to help. They are criticising the op's parenting and completing ignoring the fact that no, public transport, including taxis, is not a viable option everywhere.

Ah ok this makes sense. OP could grandma not go with her in a cab?