FIL pissed me of

[Shakeyshakeybaby]

So totally expect to be told I'm unreasonable but hear me out. Myself and DH are married 25 years, three DC aged 17 , 16 and 14. We have only been away from our kids once since the oldest was born and that was for three nights. PIL minded the kids. They have never offered and apart from those three nights we never asked as we knew they wouldn't mind the kids , especially FIL.

So about three weeks ago my DH booked two nights away for me and him. It's a 40 minute flight. He asked MIL could she just stay the two nights in our house with the kids. She agreed. Kids get on well with MIL. Kids are good kids but just wanted an adult there with us being in a different country. All good so far.

The thing is one of our DDs plays soccer at a high level and she has just signed for a new team and has a match on Sunday. We thought all the paperwork might not be gone through on time so we would be ok to go away. Bear in mind that during the season we are unable to go away due to her football.

So DH asked FIL could he bring her. His response was " no I go to lidl on a Sunday morning". This was after DH had just done FIL a huge favour ( not the first time). He then had the neck to say" I will drop your mother around on Friday night, I heard you are ordering takeaway so I will stay for that and then head home"

FFS, yet another MN pile-on!!
OP, sorry you're getting all this grief. Really hope your bil can step up reliably.

OP I also think you've had unnecessary flak on this thread

FIL sounds a twat

I'd be tempted to reply to him with a bit of pass agg 'that's a shame. Glad you get to make use of the takeaway'

I get that people can like their routines but sheesh, suck it up and show your granddaughter you care

Hope you have a lovely weekend away

X

Glad you’ve got it sorted OP. The FIL sounds a spiteful man. And I agree with everything you have said. So many people on here think everything is walkable or there’s a bus stop on every street. No Way would I send my DD16 in a taxi on her own.

They’re not babied, but they don’t live in a city or a suburban town, so we drive everywhere.

@Moveoverdarlin but would you send a 16yo with their 17yo sister? Some taxi companies you can request a lady driver if unaccompanied females can’t have male driver

You could have done that 11 pages ago.

I sometimes don’t get this forum - if OPs post was instead ranting about the 17DD refusing to take her sister, everyone would be up in arms and accusing OP of parentification. It would be nice if one sister would help another, but you can’t force them too, not in this type of situation.

OP, FIL is a selfish jackass and a very CFer! Please take petty revenge, like no more favours and sabotaging his takeaway with an accidental ingredient maybe some hot chilli !!

That one wasn't rude

Hey OP , no advice just some solidarity ! I’m guessing you are Irish due to writing style(as am I) you are getting a lot of narky comments unfairly in my opinion. It’s hard for people who don’t live in Ireland to understand how utterly useless rural public transport can be …non existent in most cases .
The village I come from has one taxi driver and you have to book him about four days in advance if you require him. I had to share his taxi with a greyhound many years ago !!! In most country areas you need transport to get to the public transport .

If there are coffee shops as you said your 17 year old would not need to stand in cold they can go to one of them

Odd all round.
Be wary of your FIL as he ages. I suspect he may become a problem.

Why does your DH do all these favours for FIL who never ever reciprocates? I hope that he will refuse to help him from now on.

Why should op have to tell you though?
Why can’t you imagine that others may live differently to you without it having to be spelled out?

Literally NONE of them are adults.

Maybe fil genuinely thinks the dc need to grow up....

Maybe read a thread when it's been running for a while before posting such an obvious idea 💡 that's probably been thought of before. At least if you read the OP's updates you'd know that she (eventually!) did contact the coach.

I'm shocked by the replies you have gotten. Yes your fil is inconsiderate and your bil will have to step up. It's very unlucky timing but a great opportunity. It is a shame you won't get to see her play.

Can people take a moment to realise that there are places that don't have taxis or cabs or uber available on every corner of every road and that it would not be okay to send a 16 yr old girl on a long day trip with a complete random taxi driver. Football pitches and clubs can be miles away from towns and a car is needed.

I would be beyond disappointed if my 17 year old wouldn't just do this one nice thing, considering her parents haven't been away together since she was born.

I 100% would've done it for my parents and I think many 17 year olds would do the same.

And yet you say you don't blame her?

Your expectations are quite low here.

Thank you for your message. Obviously I missed that. You

Im
not sure if that’s a genuine question?

If someone lives in a culturally different, often discriminated, minority - you don’t think it’s relevant to say so others can answer in a way that might be more appropriate? Or alternatively not reply as we don’t have experience of her lifestyle?

It may not be common but that doesn't mean it can't be done. There's a first time for everything. 27km isn't that great a distance either. 30 mins in a taxi maybe?
I'm from Ireland (am suspecting you might be too) and was definitely taking taxis by 16.

OP I’ve quickly read most of the thread - if you are from the traveller community in Ireland I completely understand your concerns.
And.. more importantly why your FIL is so stubborn!!
I am Irish (not a traveller) but Christ my father wouldn’t take me to dental appointments as a child.
Everything was an inconvenience to him.
He’s nearly died several times from sheer ignorance and stupidity about not attending medical appointments.
He made a show of himself at my mother’s funeral a couple of years ago (I will never ever forgive him and have no relationship with him now). But everything is on the “poor beleaguered man, nagged by the women” in very traditional scenarios so they just absent themselves from normal family interactions and favours.

It’s understandable to me the issues in getting a lift in Ireland too - it’s either easy as pie or like taking out a mortgage and the favour goes on and on..

I am glad your BIL responded favourably.

It’s true that lots of teens are independent in Ireland but there’s also a big cultural issue of “babying” by family- until you turn 18. Not in every family- I was working with my 13 year old sister at 15, walking 10 miles a day (in literal here) mushroom picking in summer holidays. I know that was the 1990’s but outside cities, things were fairly regimented. Girls had fewer freedoms and more responsibilities.

Don’t let this spoil your daughter’s first match, or your time away. If BIL fails, she will miss the first match. It’s not the end of the world.

In defence of previous posters - life is easier in terms of public transport at least in the UK (where I live and most mums on here), so it’s hard to fathom the almost non-existent public transport in Ireland!

Many Irish kids who don't live in the back arse of nowhere. She isn't hindering her children, she is working to the limits of what is available in her area of Ireland.

And recently we had several taxi drivers prosecuted for raping female passengers so a bit of caution is not to be judged.

God yeah
mine would have been absolutely chomping at the bit !

Because it's relevant to the question op posed .
You can't ask for a accurate opinions without providing the relevent context and facts .

Can’t believe some of the responses on here.

OP - no! You’re not being unreasonable. He’s being selfish beyond all reason. Decent people help each other out. You’re not asking for a regular commitment or a major deviation to a prior commitment he has. He’s being really mean.