Ex wife still has husband’s surname

[ByCyanPlayer]

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years? They share a son who is 30 but I fail to see why she can’t go back to her maiden name, plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

Ex husband insisted I took his name and that our children would have his surname only. Should have realised then but when we finally
divorced, I had had this name for quite a considerable time as had my children. Politely, the ex wife has her name, by law and you are being very unreasonable.

It's the last name of her son! Our daughter has kept her ex-husband's last name only for the sake of her children.

I think most people do keep the ex h name. I dont no anyone that has gone back?!

I went back after my divorce and didn’t change it this time.

How can you say with any authority that she's not the type to care about having the same surname as her son? Overthinking this might make you look insecure. I assume you're not suggesting she has failed to move on, after 30 years? Its as much her name as it is his. If that's how she's known eg at work, on her passport etc, I can totally understand why she cba to change it. Another consideration, not that it would be any of your business, is that she might have had an abusive father. If that was the case, I can understand why she wouldn't go to the effort of putting everything back into his name.

I still have my ex-h name on my passport and I've remarried since then.

It's my (first) child's name and I kept it because it made travelling abroad easier. It would have upset my child at the time too.

Child probably thinks it's odd now, but I just can't be bothered to change it because it'd be a hassle.

I can't stand the guy, but it's just a passport so I don't bother doing anything about it.

I don't think names are completely irrelevant though as I won't take my current husband's name. But that's more to do with how happy I was to be back to myself again after the divorce. I'm just not willing to change it again.

Now I think of it, my whole situation seems very contradictory.

I'm unsure how either of the wives my ex has since had feel about me keeping the name, if they know. I don't think I care very much, it's not about them, or my ex, or my current husband, it's my name so the only relevant thing is my own mixed up contradictory feelings about it.

My name, my child, my identity, my feelings, my choice. Doesn't have to make sense to anyone else.

Why is it an issue now? Are you feeling insecure in your marriage atm? Is your dh getting on well with her and it's making you feel hes re-kindling something? This is a case of choose your battles and this isn't something to get your knickers in a twist about....

As others have said, it's up to her what name she uses, and she doesn't need your permission.

As for reasons, that varies. My ex and I were married for almost 10 years - we'd been together for 7 when we married. We've now been divorced for 7 or 8 years, and probably get on better as friends than we did as a couple.
She decided to keep my name as she prefers it to her father's. I can't say that I blame her.

So what? Why is it bothering you so much?

I kept my old married name for 18 years and there were no children.

I didn't want to go back to my maiden name, that felt like a backwards step to be honest, and I wanted to move forwards not backwards.

Plus I couldn't be arsed with the faff of changing everything. Might be easier now with emails and PDFs, but back in the day it was sending copies of documents by registered mail.

To those who are saying "it's her name," Its not her name..It's his name they are divorced. Divorced being the key word. I think it's weird but maybe her maiden name was awful ???

And yet it’s almost always women making that choice……. Wonder why. 🤔

It is her name. It's what people have called her for 30 years. Men don't own names.

Indeed. I’ve lost count of the times on here I’ve been told it’s a non-issue and there are so many more more worthy feminist issues than wanting to be referred to by the right name. My audacity in this regard is apparently misplaced. 🙄

The audacity also to question why she has chosen to keep this name when her children share it. Why should women, in most cases, have to change their name from their children’s? Why not in a divorce are all children’s names not automatically double barrelled to reflect both parents?

Life is so much easier when we accept that we can't control others. If that name is the ex wife's child's name, it's probably more about the child than your partner. Having a different name from your child is a pita.

I think it’s far weirder that my SIL took BIL’s surname when they married. Both had children from previous relationships, and their respective daughters have the same first name. Her daughter had her surname. Now SIL has changed hers she shares a name with BIL’s daughter but not her own. Her daughter is a teen and can’t change her surname name as she will have exactly the same name as her step-sister gl(and they’re only two months apart in age).

Doesn’t bother DH.

It's not weird to her and her son maybe if she is not bothering the of the Mrs why should she care, for all you know her son might want his mum to have the same name no no no

It's an absolute arse ache to change all the legal documents to a different name so I don't blame her to be honest.

I kept my married name because we had a child who has his father's last name. Reverting to my unmarried name would have been a hassle and only drawn attention to the fact that his dad had buggered off. Then in later life it would still have been a hassle to change it and can incur some expense so why should I and for what purpose?

😂🤣😂. What a ridiculous post!

Divorce doesn't require you to change your name.

Legally, once you change your name, that's your name. Whether you change in by marriage or deed poll. You aren't borrowing it for as long as a man allows.

If the ex husband doesn't want to share a name with the ex wife, he is as capable of changing his name as she is of changing hers.

The idea that men own names and woman don't is just misogyny.

Unbelievable.

Get a grip.

No but it's also her name you see? Because she started using it a long time ago, and it's what people call her, and it's what she wants people to call her, so that makes it HER name, see? That's how names work! She didn't borrow it for the length of the marriage only. When you change your name, the name you change it to becomes your name.