Ex wife still has husband’s surname

[ByCyanPlayer]

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years? They share a son who is 30 but I fail to see why she can’t go back to her maiden name, plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

It's nothing to do with you. It's her legal name and she has every right to use it if she choses to. Personally, I never changed my name on marriage, so would have no wish at all to keep the surname of a man whom I had divorced, but it's still entirely her choice. Those talking about the difficulties of having a different surname from DCs, it's never been an issue for me, nor is it something my DC have ever commented on.

You sound very young OP. Given your DH has a 30 Yr old son so must be at least in his mid to late fifties, in a few years' time the ex retaining her married name will be the very least of your problems.

Do you have the same first name?
Otherwise, none of your business, unless his last name is Windsor Mountbatten, or similar, then surely it does not matter and there are more than one person with this last name anyways.

She isn't the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname

😂 how on earth would you know? Go over there, stamp your foot and demand exclusive rights to it.

Another great Veruca Salt MN moment.

Why are some people so obsessed with their partner's ex wives?

Their child is well into adulthood so I can't see your paths ever have to cross so why does she or her name have any impact on your life?

He had a life before you were in it. So what? Get over it.

I've been divorced 20yrs and have kept my XH surname, even though he's remarried since and divorced again. There will be a lot of women with the same surname at this rate, a badge of honour!

I agree with you. It is weird as she obviously divorced him because she hated him! I wasn’t even divorced and changed my name back by deed poll! Couldn’t wait! But what can you do about it 🤷🏽‍♀️

I dont doubt that some people do but i dont think its the norm. Its certainly not unusual for women not to change their name back

Presumably it is the name on her bank a/c passport etc. Why should she change?

Just keep your own surname, then there will be no risk of confusion.

She may not be the type to be bothered about having the same surname as her son, but perhaps he was! My friend divorced and was going to revert back to her maiden name but her children asked her not to because then they wouldn’t have the same name as her. Also, it’s a pain changing your name everywhere, if her surname doesn’t bother her then she’s perfectly entitled to keep it and save herself the hassle

I am a second wife over 20 years and his first wife uses husbands name and they were married 5 years. They had kids. Never have I ever given this any thought!

All that matters here is the relationship that I have with him. You must have some deep seated insecurity about her!

In our case, she is the mother of his 2 children and my step children so she is still part of a wider family in my view. It’s totally her choice if she keeps the name or not and most do ( my divorced sister has aswell) to be same as children.

I think you need to explore why it bothers you so much as this isn’t just about her name. You see it as ‘ownership’. No one owns anyone - not the husband, or the kids they are their own independent people. Focus on relationships and making that strong. Perhaps then you won’t feel so threatened by a simple name!

Totally agree that 2nd wife has no right to insist 1st wife doesn't have the husband's name anymore.
However I don't think it's just to do with have the same name as the children. It's HER name, to do with as she likes. It's not on loan from the husband.

Yep. Imagine changing your name after over a quarter of a century and all the documentation, licences, registrations, bank cards, doctors records, employee pay details etc etc etc etc just because your ex's new wife is deeply insecure and territorial. Two years or two months or in this case, 28 years of having that name, and some deeply insecure and territorial 2nd wife wants you to change it and all the upheaval that causes? If I were the first and original wife I'd laugh in OPs face and tell her to f*ck off! What a loon.

It's only a relatively new thing to change your name if you're divorced. In the olden days women who divorced still kept their married name. No one thought differently of it.

Thankyou I agree it's her name her child's name the other woman is being petty , why the new wife is so bothered I don't understand , the first wife has a child with him and he might want his mum to have the same name it's absolutely none of the second wife's business

Yep. Imagine changing your name after over a quarter of a century and all the documentation, licences, registrations, bank cards, doctors records, employee pay details etc etc etc etc just because your ex's new wife is deeply insecure and territorial.

Yep. Imagine changing your name after over a quarter of a century and all the documentation, licences, registrations, bank cards, doctors records, employee pay details etc etc etc etc just because you signed a legal contract with another person and happen to have a vagina.

Exactly the first wife it seems is not bothering the new wife the husband doesn't care, I don't understand the problem it's her name and as you state what paperwork stress it would cause id madness, it's a name her name her sins name we all have choices you can agree or disagree

Are you suggesting I had a motive other than to have the same name as my child? If so, what do you think might have been my real reason?

My daughter hasn't been a child for many years now. She is married and uses her husband's name.

I have been married to my husband (not my "new man") for considerably longer than I was married to my daughter's father. Like most married women, I use my husband's name.

I have a friend who got divorced but has kept her ex husbands name as she wants to have the same surname as her sons. Also she is well known in her profession by her married name, eg. Dr Walker, and she doesn’t want to now change to a different surname as it would confuse people and probably affect her negatively as people would not know who she was if name changed suddenly.

Really not sure why it bothers you. Has nothing to do with you!

Every woman should do what they prefer . Nothing wrong with retaining a name you have used for years. Names don't belong to me. I know someone married at 21 ...took name of her husband at that time. Remarried in her 50s and has retained that name( of first husband( as she prefers it to her maiden name and seconds husbands name .. and it is a much nicer name . Other people are always commenting...and many insist on calling her by the surname of her second husband! Lol . Really none of their business of course.

My first (now deceased) husband's ex-wife is still using his surname despite having re-married.

Meanwhile I have also re-married but took the opportunity to reclaim my maiden name.

Each to her own.

You did cheer me up and gave me the first, and probably only, LOL moment today.

Thanks

But... if you are still calling yourself Mrs. Ex-husbands surname is that not implying that you're still married to your ex? Of course it is, why are people spending years implying that they are still married to their ex?

This is clearly a wind-up, but I'll bite. Because lots of people will actually believe it is "his name". And let me be the millionth person to set that straight.

She changed her old name upon marriage. They shared a surname together, and it became her name too. She gets to keep it as it's hers. No more his than hers.

Upon divorce, lots of people might change their name, but many don't because it's their name. You use your name for lots of things including professional qualifications and identity documentation. But probably she wants to keep it because it is the same family name as her son's. It's her name, that's her right.

But it is her right to still pretend to be married to her ex-husband?