Ex wife still has husband’s surname

[ByCyanPlayer]

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years? They share a son who is 30 but I fail to see why she can’t go back to her maiden name, plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

Where are you finding the extra information about this woman, which suggests she's pretending to still be married to her ex husband?

By that rationale, I’m pretending not to be married to my DH by remaining Ms Myname when we are simply both doing the same thing.

Isn’t it wrong that women are expected to announce their marital status through their names at all?

Do you actually think that by continuing to use the name she shares with him that she's 'pretending to be married to him'? Wow. Am I pretending not to be married to my DH because we don't share a surname?

Yes. And if she wants to sit around in her tattered wedding dress like Miss Havisham, that's her right, too.

I have visions of wife tug of war ''he is mine no he is mine'' it is her name she is entitled to call herself what she wants she a grown woman not a 12 year girl is she not?

That qualifies as the most BONKERS aibu in the history of MN 🤯

What in the absolute F are you talking about? By having a NAME, how is she pretending to be married to him? It's a fucking NAME!!! It does not change just because you get divorced, you know! It is part of your identity, it is who you are.

My dhs ex still has "his" name...so do her kids by her new husband. Bit odd but dosn't bother me.
I have my maiden name.....same name as my dd.

A bit of subtle 2nd wife bashing going on here. Not very feminist to do that is it?

What? Where?

It’s not really it’s part of your history. It’s who you were.
I couldn’t change mine fast enough to be honest
I could’ve had a bit of entertainment at the new ones expense, but honestly, Not worth it

Yea that would annoy me a bit. My DH’s ex did change her name back (and they were married for 20 years) and I was pleased she did. But I can also understand why she might want to keep her married name to have the same one as her kids. But I didn’t like it during first few months when I’d get calls (like from their kids’ school) for Mrs X but meaning the ex rather than me. Of course that wouldn’t happen much now as we all use personal mobiles rather than a family landline.

Yes why doesn't your husband change his name. If you're going to be annoyed at anything be annoyed at him

Why do you get to decide whether a woman's name is part of who she is or who she was? Your perspective is just that - yours. You can't speak for anyone else.

It's not her 'history' though, is it. It's who she is still. Being divorced doesn't change who she is. Her name is her identity. It's who she is. Your name is your name, whether husbands and boyfriends come and go.

Her name. Her choice. 🤷‍♀️. After my divorce, I didn’t bother changing my name until I got remarried.

This doesn't really make sense considering that she chose to change her name, which is 'her identity', according to you, when she married, having lived with a different name for 20/30/40 years. I'm not sure husbands come and go for most people. Most people only have one or two in a lifetime!
I do agree that the ex wife can change or not change and that it is her choice along but I don't buy your argument at all.

I guess the deeper question is why do so many women opt to change their names at all when they get married. How does the concept that we are borrowing them from men continue? We know men are likely to be the ones doing less childcare if the relationship breaks down, so why don’t we routinely keep our names and pass them on to our children? Why are men that change their names seen as weird?

When I got married I changed my name because we were planning to have kids and we both wanted us all to have the same name.

When we split I kept the name because we had moved just after getting married & the people I know now & see regularly have only known me by my married name.

I told my exH I didn't want to change it and he was fine with that.
There are lots of reasons people don't change their names back after divorce & it's not necessarily because they still want to seem married to their ex.

When I got married I changed my name because we were planning to have kids and we both wanted us all to have the same name.

This could have been achieved by your husband taking your name, double barrelling or both of you changing to a new name.

When we split I kept the name because we had moved just after getting married & the people I know now & see regularly have only known me by my married name.

This is bizarre reasoning for any decision………

“I can’t dye my hair, the people round here won’t recognise me with brown/blond/green hair.”

I told my exH I didn't want to change it and he was fine with that.

If was precisely fuck all to do with him.

There are lots of reasons people don't change their names back after divorce & it's not necessarily because they still want to seem married to their ex.

I mean, you haven’t exactly demonstrated that here!

You don't own his surname. They have a child. Grow up.

It’s her name. It was probably such a ball ache to change it the first time she couldn’t stand to do it all again especially since she’d since had a child with her new name.
if it’s important to you that you and your DH share a surname only you two have them convince him to change his to town surname?

WHY does this bother you? You know many many people probably share your last name right?

None of your business really so yes, you are wrong.

Changing your name is not the same as changing your hair colour as you well know. What a ridiculous comment.
But thanks for taking the time to critique my whole post.

If someone gets with a man and is paranoid about his ex wife still having the same surname as him then that's their problem.